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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sons girlfriends comments

262 replies

OnPurpleHill · 26/12/2022 14:02

My children have came back from the cities they live for Christmas/New Year as they always do. However my sons girlfriend who lives with us, as they’re saving up for a house, keeps making comments about how busy the house is and how she can’t wait till after new year till things are quiet again.

In her defence she’s saying these comments in a joking sort of way, however I’m absolutely furious. Firstly, I don’t get to see my children that often and I cherish Christmas so much more since they’ve moved out and come back for the holidays I don’t like the idea that they’re an inconvenience.

Secondly, it’s not even her house, if anyone doesn’t have a claim to this house it’s her. AIBU?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Glamrockgoddess · 17/07/2023 20:15

HelpMeGetThrough · 26/12/2022 14:15

keeps making comments about how busy the house is and how she can’t wait till after new year till things are quiet again.

That's just begging for the comment "sounds like you're moving out in the new year then."

Neat - love it !

Ursuladevine · 02/01/2023 06:22

LoisLane66 · 02/01/2023 05:48

Your children have come home for Christmas from the cities where they live...but your son?and his g/f live with you year round. So he wasn't one of the children who came home for Christmas?
I wish people would type sensible posts.

11 pages in

You are the only poster who has struggled to get their head around the scenario

The problem isn’t the OP not typing a “sensible post”

The problem is…. You not being able to grasp very simply and straightforward posts!! 😂 @LoisLane66

LoisLane66 · 02/01/2023 05:48

Your children have come home for Christmas from the cities where they live...but your son?and his g/f live with you year round. So he wasn't one of the children who came home for Christmas?
I wish people would type sensible posts.

Stewball01 · 02/01/2023 00:31

I know how you feel. Mine lived with me for a time before and after they got married. She did not help in the house. Unfortunately though I've tried to be a good MiL I haven’t seen her for a few years. My son comes with the little one. I obviously don't get invited to their house. Be careful what you say to her. Things change after the ring is on the finger.

DangerousAlchemy · 30/12/2022 22:48

lol, Op has done a runner again! 🤣🤣 only 2 posts & 11 pages of replies

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 30/12/2022 21:37

I like that

" Your outrage bar is low".

It is very low!!

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2022 21:31

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 30/12/2022 21:20

Nice use of premium for a bit of stalking eh?
She made a very mild comment. Your outrage bar is very low.

Show quote history

@MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay

no, I don’t have premium, I am talking about your posts on this thread.

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 30/12/2022 21:20

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2022 21:17

@MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay

maybe op’s issue is a grown adult woman - who is living in her house rent free - making dissatisfied comments.
you are the one prone to a bit of hyperbole too if you look back at your posts

Show quote history

Nice use of premium for a bit of stalking eh?
She made a very mild comment. Your outrage bar is very low.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2022 21:17

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 30/12/2022 20:26

Oh don't be so ridiculous.
Op very clearly has issues with Dil, read between the lines.
You don't have to employ all the hyperbole. It really is as simple as you reap what you see. You don't have to martyr yourself but being 'furious' at such a benign remark is rather telling.

@MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay

maybe op’s issue is a grown adult woman - who is living in her house rent free - making dissatisfied comments.
you are the one prone to a bit of hyperbole too if you look back at your posts

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 30/12/2022 21:07

The girl isn't demanding anything or trying to control anything.
She merley made comment.

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 30/12/2022 20:26

Oh don't be so ridiculous.
Op very clearly has issues with Dil, read between the lines.
You don't have to employ all the hyperbole. It really is as simple as you reap what you see. You don't have to martyr yourself but being 'furious' at such a benign remark is rather telling.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2022 20:16

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 30/12/2022 12:33

Behave like a cunt reap cunty rewards.
It's not hard.

Show quote history

@MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay

who is behaving like that? Op??

should be booting her family out to accommodate the sensitivities of her sons gf?

Would that guarantee she won’t be left in a shitty nursing home?

On reflection maybe not…maybe if she moves out and gifts sons gf her house then she may deserve to be given the time of day in her old age. Maybe.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 30/12/2022 16:32

@OnPurpleHill

I think it's a very good sign that she feels comfortable to say such things. ..if she becomes the mother of your grandchildren this will be absolutely imperative to having a good relationship.

Relationship break down when one person feels uncomfortable saying something to the other , and then becomes resentful.

Yes the content may annoy you but engage with her.
It's funny how people are different Sarah, I absolutely relish a busy house!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 30/12/2022 16:23

Schnooze · 30/12/2022 11:07

You can “joke” back “well now you know how I feel with a permanent extra guest” tinkly laugh! “Don’t mind having you here x, but I am looking forward to the peace and quiet when you and ds move out”

Good point.

She's an entitled ingrate.

Any update, OP?

MrsRog23 · 30/12/2022 15:33

breatheinskipthegym · 26/12/2022 14:18

Sounds like she keeps voicing it because of some unmet need for peace. It’s hard being overwhelmed and in someone else’s space when you feel like you have to go along with what the ‘host’ is doing. Why not gently suggest to her that if it’s a bit much, no-one would mind if she slunk off for a bit, to her room, for a walk, whatever. Maybe “I love a busy house with everyone here, but if you’re craving some alone time, please don’t feel like you have to be in the thick of it all day”.

This is such a lovely way to put it, never lose this mindset 💖

MrsRog23 · 30/12/2022 15:30

Absolutely 10000000000% this!!

TheaBrandt · 30/12/2022 13:24

I actually think the pp point is a good one that the parent that steps in and does a massive favour doesn’t get appreciated as minor niggles are the thing that get remembered and not the massive favour.

We moved in with my parents for 2 months (house purchase delayed we had a short term rental lined up the bastard landlord pulled out two days before we moved). My parents kindly let us live with them. There were niggles and I remember Dh recounting them to his parents. Now I see how utterly unfair that was!

Bleachmycloths · 30/12/2022 13:02

…in which case…

Bleachmycloths · 30/12/2022 13:02

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 30/12/2022 08:37

I find it actually kind of disgusting tha the generation who benefitted from cheap housing and got on the property ladder relatively easily, seem to find such great pleasure in bashing their children and their partners who don't have the same opportunity, and when they do offer to help or open their homes it comes with controlling strings and expectations. If Dil works and mil was a sahm like many of these people that find drama in nothing, as op has, I'd find that extra galling.

It's overwhelming not having your own home and can feel quite shameful even though for this generation it's no fault of their own. It's normal to find a busy house full of strangers a bit much. Unless she's telling them to piss off fuvkers, it's not rude.

Give it ten years and you'll have a mil thread about how lonely you are.

I don’t know anyone who does ‘child bashing’ because this generation can’t afford to buy. I have only heard sympathetic, worried parents who want their adult children to be happy secure.
Unless you are referring to other posts which I’ve missed in which I apologise.

InsomniacVampire · 30/12/2022 13:00

I would jokingly say "Feel free to move out anytime LOL HAHAHAHHA"

longwayoff · 30/12/2022 12:57

I hope you've told her how much you're looking forward to their permanent return. Soon dear, very soon.

Ursuladevine · 30/12/2022 12:53

Haffiana · 30/12/2022 12:26

OP, you are going to be one of Those MILs, the ones that feature daily on MN.

What the ones that allow girlfriends to live rent free in their home to help them save?

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 30/12/2022 12:33

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2022 10:53

@MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay

oh here with go! If you don’t bend over backwards and mollycoddle your offspring they’ll cut you off and leave you festering in a home

Show quote history

Behave like a cunt reap cunty rewards.
It's not hard.

Haffiana · 30/12/2022 12:26

OP, you are going to be one of Those MILs, the ones that feature daily on MN.

Ursuladevine · 30/12/2022 11:44

I just can’t imagine living rent free in a home that wasn’t mine or my parents, but the mother of my boyfriend and not being so bleedin grateful that no way would I ever want to say anything that would indicate I was anything other than very bloody happy and content thanks very much