Aibu to potentially upset

14 is a lot!
And also when your family didn't consider you when they said not for adults.

Just send a card.

My uncles and aunts do that. And siblings.

We do gifts for whoever we are around on the actual day.
And everyone else seems to get cards if that!

Don't give more than you're comfortable with. Either because that will put you in a situation where you are feeling anxious, which directly is not good. Or also the gift receiver should not want to be having that effect on you.
If they don't care about your wellbeing , then they're probably not worth getting gifts for anyway.

People don't need gifts. And if people get upset about them it's from an entitelment perspective. Which is not good to be encouraged!

I don't have children - I only had a conversation recently that best friends family only bought for children; that's what they do within their family - she would never have dreamed of telling me who to give or not give gifts to.
Always exchanged gifts with me, and my friend confided she'd always looked forward to my gifts as she didn't get others.
In your place I'd stop buying for all of them - they're clearly not bothered about you!
Or if you feel pressure to gift something, a family gift such as box of celebrations or other sweets/festive food?

If some of them are siblings I'd get them a joint present.

You've got to get cheaper in that case. A few decent little fake Lego sets called Bricks or something in poundland for £3 each, split a set of 5 kites £20 between 5 kids, 3 for £10 books/games does another 3 etc. Or just stop. The kids will have plenty of toys regardless.

I'm really surprised none of 14 say thank you when physically given a gift by you though, sounds positively feral.

But yes we buy for childless adults who buy for our children

Buy them something like a hat and scarf set, book (annual they like), wallet/purse, smelly set etc.

All can be got for under a tenner each and when you add that up to 14 people it's still over £100.

If that's still too much go even cheaper and get them all something for a fiver. The works is your friend here because they often do 2 for £10 games and craft sets.

We don't do Xmas gifts on either side due to sheer number of people / kids.

My brother (one DC) has 12 nieces and nephews. It is silly to expect him to fork out on 12 gifts.

We buy gifts for parents, we all meet for various family gatherings (share cost of food and drink) and I do buy if it's a little one's first Christmas but nope. It is untenable.

I'd nip it in the bud full stop. 14 nieces and nephews - feck that!

Wait...so they are keeping "costs down" by not buying for the adults? But you feel bad and left out if you try to keep costs down? Yikes. OP, pop to the pound shop and buy 14 little gifts. Don't spend hundreds! Kids will be grateful no matter what they get (if they're brought up to be polite).

Why don't you get a thank-you card? (From the parents if the kids are too little?). Of course it's fine to have a spending limit. A small token gift or none at all if you can't afford it is fine. Must be a big family so surely the kids will still be getting gifts from others?

I don't buy presents for friends' children - it's not expected and would get very expensive.

Neices and nephews I would, but if I had that many it would be a bit of chocolate each.

You don't have to do it.

Fucking hell, 14? I would just say you can’t afford even token presents and not buy anything.

I think it's fine not to get anything, especially friend kids it really isn't necessary. Personally I prefer not to get extra gifts for DS from friends, and he wouldn't notice. How many are actual nieces and nephews, what are their ages and how often do you see them? That would influence me far more than what the adults think.

I also support this but, if you do want to get them something, you spend what you want. They don't need anything extravagant. Something simple and cheap is fine and they should be grateful.

I did this.
I was sick of buying stuff and never getting so much as a text in acknowledgement, so I stopped.

I totally agree with only buying for the kids if everyone has them, but I think it's mean when one sibling is child free.

YANBU kids only does not apply to kid free adults in my life. I still buy for my childless brother because why should he go without because we had kids?

They've been shitty to overlook the effect on you and I think in the early run up to next Christmas you should tell them how you feel .

You've no need to tell them you've set a cap though, just spend less.

Awww @SILhelp that is really rubbish of your family not to give you anything. You would not be mean to spend only what you want to - 14 nephews and nieces is a lot!!

Your family is very thoughtless and careless of you. I hope you give yourself a really lovely present.

I stopped a couple of years ago buying big gifts. I started buying them all a selection box at £2 each. Now I've had DA, I only buy for our immediate nieces and nephew (as in, the children of our siblings) - 3 in total. If there were 14, I think I'd just make the agreement that we all just stick to buying for our own children.

My younger brother doesn't have children. This year, we've said not to buy for adults, but I've still bought for him as I know he's bought DS a toy.

We have two kids, and my brother suggested this year that we don't buy for the adults, just the kids. He doesn't have kids and I felt awful not getting him something when he went to the effort to buy my children things. He was adamant we didn't get him anything, but I did anyway as I didn't want him not to have anything. It seems a real shame that no-one would think to get you anything, even something small.

This, OP. I don't have any children either and I have a few nieces and nephew. I cannot work due to severe mental health issues and other things I won't get into here.

I've always bought them all really nice gifts and popped a tenner into their cards. I would even buy my sister and her partner gifts.

They just stopped saying "thank you" one year. They are on their phones all the time, my number is the same but I didn't get a single thanking.

This year I haven't even bothered with a Christmas card. I've gone and bought everyone else nice gifts (but affordable). However I won't be getting them anymore gifts. It's not met with gratitude and is ignored. I don't even know if they liked anything I bought them.

Those without kids in my family buy for my kids but not us adults. And we buy for them, because they bought for our kids. Seems fair that way. The kids get presents, aunts/uncles still receive something. In fact generally I spend more on our siblings than they do on my kids, but then little kids are easy to please!
For us thank yous tend to be in person at the time, or by text/email maybe with a photo of said child with new toy/book. With 2 little kids and a DH who disagrees with thank you notes if you've seen the person at the time or can text them, it fall ls to me and over the years thank you cards is something I've let go of

I'd stop the gifts altogether on the basis of never getting a thank you.

My SIL has no children, she buys our children lovely presents so we buy her a lovely present. Wouldn’t dream of letting her buy for our 3 while getting nothing in return. If I were you I’d go with a ‘token’ gift for them all.