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AIBU?

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Weird work situation

31 replies

CreepedOut23 · 17/12/2022 23:26

AIBU to be creeped out and disappointed in this response from line manager.

Couple of weeks ago male colleague who I have occasional online catch ups emailed saying he was going to be in my office, and did I want to have a face to face catch up. I declined as it was my non working day and said let's have an online catch up instead.

In the meeting he offloaded about feeling unmotivated and that hardly anyone he had wanted to meet in the office were around when he was visiting, I was polite and sympathetic. He later messaged me on our work IM facility to apologise for being negative and I said it was fine.

I then had to swap my non working day, which I told him about in a work email, he messaged saying we could have got a drink, I said it was too cold and changed subject. Over the next few days he sent messages asking how I was and I just gave quixk responses or ignored depending on how busy I was. He then messaged saying I need to call and apologise to you, are you free tomorrow.

I was like why not now etc he kept going online and offline and eventually said he was running late and I could probably guess what it was about. Next day I messaged saying let's talk, when I dialled in he made loads of small talk about the weather I eventually said what's up? He said I'm very aware you are very busy and I will chat to people at the tea point etc but obviously thats not your thing so I would like to apologise etc. And he kept saying how I was obviously busier than him etc.

This felt weird to me as I felt like basically he hadn't been getting attention he wanted so rather than drop it he forced a call so we could chat.

I told my line manager about it and he said that he probs felt bad that I ignored him and proceeded to talk about his mental health and how I need to be kind. I pointed out that pretending to feel something you aren't actually feeling isn't kind.

So I guess two aibu, aibu to be a bit creeped out by work guy and aibu to be disappointed with bosses response?

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 17/12/2022 23:45

I agree with @Miajk
Although am also confused why you arranged a meeting online, if it was your NWD

Miajk · 17/12/2022 23:42

Sounds like he just wants to make friends at work but people aren't in or up for meeting up.

Some people don't mind and others thrive in a culture that's more friendly/tight.

I've worked in different places and depending on his age and the industry I wouldn't say is that weird (his behaviour).

Sounds like he just might lack some social skills.

Jellyjam36 · 17/12/2022 23:41

It sounds like he has social anxiety and overthinks everything then makes it a million times worse (I've been there, albeit not with work).
Tbh it's work. You're busy. You don't have to socialise. You were polite. Your boss is in the wrong. And it is weird.

Aprilx · 17/12/2022 23:40

It sounds like he is struggling a little bit, feeling work isolation if nobody is ever in. I really don’t know why you told your line manager in the first place or what response you were hoping for.

NooneKnowsWhatItsLike · 17/12/2022 23:36

Honestly - it sounds like you are being too nice.

I think moving forwards you need to be 100% explicitly clear with this colleague - write an email in a professional tone explaining you are very busy and only available to discuss work issues directly related to your role.

If he doesn’t take the hint I’d be forwarding a copy of the original email and screenshots of subsequent messages to the boss demanding action. If he fails to do so I’d take it further - initially contacting ACAS.

WeAreAllLionesses · 17/12/2022 23:35

A) I wouldn't have taken any meeting on a non work day
B) I wouldn't message him again
C or answer the phone to him