Sleeping arrangements - fair?

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 2022-12-17T10:01:35+00:00

One week stay, is this fair: Room1 DH and me Room2 Our two DC (8yo boy/girl) Room3 MIL and FIL Room4 My mum Room5 Sister and her 10yo DD Room6 SIL, her 9yo DS and 3yo DD Not great for SIL but am not sure how else we could split the rooms? The DC all have different sleep patterns so not keen to mix families. Selfishly, our two sleep easily until 8-9am whereas SIL’s 9yo is awake at 6-7 so if he shares with our children they will all wake up early, wake us up and we will all be grumpy for the day. SIL is saying that my DD could sleep with my mum and then her son could sleep with my son. Am I really mean for saying no?

Maloneyb · 27/05/2023 10:51

Yeah I think you should look at that again and wonder why your kids get their own room and the rest are expected to share with parents? Maybe a younger one with your mom?
kids together should be fun for them
just tell them they have to play in their rooms until x time.
parenting doesnt stop when you’re on holiday.. sorry!

44PumpLane · 19/03/2023 16:03

Amazing...thank you so much for the update and apologies for resurrecting your old thread! But I must say I enjoyed the conclusion and the fact everyone sounds like they had the opportunity to have a good kip! 😃

Xtraincome · 18/03/2023 23:05

Nice to get the update OP. Glad it all worked out in the end.

Original poster

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 18/03/2023 22:15

@44PumpLane How funny.

We ended up doing:
DH and I + DS
Mil and Fil
DMum
Sister
DD + Niece (sister’s daughter)
SIL and 3yo
Nephew (SIL’s son) on the floor in a sitting room

No drama, basically we arrived and the kids were all excited and started planning who would sleep with who. DNephew didn’t wanted to sleep with the girls (including his sister), he and DS had this idea of ‘camping’ somewhere in the house, compromise was a mattress on the floor in a room we weren’t planning on using. Bedtime - as expected DS was playing up -> in our bedroom.
Everybody was happy at the end :) and DS and I were rested enough not to be too grumpy which was a big win!

OP posts:

44PumpLane · 18/03/2023 19:13

Oh my god why was this in my AIBU feed IT IS SO OLD!!!!

Sorry everyone I've resurrected!!

However I may as well then ask.... @LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee what happened with the accomodations room split?

44PumpLane · 18/03/2023 19:11

OP I have a child who is a MONSTER if she doesn't get a solid 12 hours every night.....I don't care what anyone thinks of me, if there was a way to avoid them in with someone who will wake them in the morning then I would absolutely pursue it.

A previous poster suggested having your son in with you and your husband and honestly I'd rather do that than have him in with his cousin and have him be over tired on holiday.

I think some people calling you precious mustn't have a child who is so completely and utterly impacted by a disrupted sleep......my other child is fine, but I know all too well the hell that can ensure from an incomplete sleep.

Morestrangethings · 19/12/2022 06:04

Alondra · 17/12/2022 12:51

Because senior people need their own room to get a good sleep instead of sharing it with grandkids that often wake up at night. They did their parenting, more than fair they can have a good rest in their senior years.

Show quote history

As a ‘senior’ person I so agree with Alondra

thewayround · 18/12/2022 09:34

Shinyredbicycle · 17/12/2022 18:59

That sounds like a fair compromise for everyone OP.

Have a lovely Christmas!

Show quote history

It sure as heck doesn’t for the Dnephew.

The OP has said her son struggles to go to bed without a fuss

Aubree17 · 18/12/2022 08:45

I would be fine with this arrangement.

MusicstillonMTV · 17/12/2022 21:52

Krakinou · 17/12/2022 21:47

Fair enough but if the reason is that her kids are a pita, why should OPs mum of DS put up with them?

Show quote history

I was mostly just trying to answer your question of why on earth would someone not want to share with their kids

But for mine FWIW - if I am just sharing with the 6 year old, he is fine if you wear ear plugs or are hard of hearing, so my parents share with him very happily. When he has shared with other children, they have slept deeply enough to be fine.

The 3 year old, I can live with if I am not also dealing with the 6 year old especially cos I can then move him or tell him off for kicking me without risking waking the 6 year old

Krakinou · 17/12/2022 21:47

MusicstillonMTV · 17/12/2022 17:37

The SIL will have her own reasons. As someone who hates sharing with her kids, my reasons are:

My 6 year old snores and talks in his sleep. He sleeps till 7 and is grumpy if woken earlier

My 3 year old is ok in his own bed if in another room but if in the same room as me climbs in with me, takes up the whole bed (I don't understand how but even a king size bed) and rotates through the night kicking a different but of me every time he moves. He also sings in his sleep. He wakes up around 6 which is annoying for the 6 year old.

I can live with it for a night or two and can also live with it if it's just one of them but the combination drives me mad.

A week of it and, no, I wouldn't like them very much

Show quote history

Fair enough but if the reason is that her kids are a pita, why should OPs mum of DS put up with them?

Shinyredbicycle · 17/12/2022 18:59

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 17/12/2022 17:14

After reading all your thoughts I have reached a conclusion. I will propose that we start with DS and DNephew together and DD either with us or my mum (who said she is absolutely fine with the idea) but if DS is overtired and gets annoying his cousin will move to SIL’s room for a few nights.
thanks for all your contributions :)

That sounds like a fair compromise for everyone OP.

Have a lovely Christmas!

SomethingOriginal2 · 17/12/2022 18:24

thewayround · 17/12/2022 18:13

And I’m guessing he doesn’t lie quietly counting sheep?

Show quote history

Yeah it doesn't sound like a good plan for anyone OP. Your kid is going to keep her kid awake, her kid is going to wake yours up early. They're both going to be over tired and mardy.

It seems silly to do it when you know its not going to work. But I am the "Controlling" one that reminds BIL his parents can't climb stairs and shit.

Hope it all works out though and you all have an enjoyable time.

thewayround · 17/12/2022 18:13

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 17/12/2022 17:57

Not even, our DC go to bed at the same time usually, DS just takes ages to fall asleep (even on his own at home).

Show quote history

And I’m guessing he doesn’t lie quietly counting sheep?

BootifulLoser · 17/12/2022 18:11

Iknowhim · 17/12/2022 18:03

Putting the children in the living room rules that out for adult socializing. What do the grown ups do when the kids have gone to bed?

Show quote history

Well in my day they were probably sitting at the kitchen table smoking and playing cards. 😄

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 17/12/2022 18:03

amonsteronthehill · 17/12/2022 17:16

If it doesn't work, you will struggle to get SIL to agree to change the arrangement. She's shown her colours, she wants a free holiday where everyone else deals with her children.

This x100. You will never get that kid back into her room if you don't begin with her and her kids together. She's hoping for a break from parenting.

I think you were probably misguided, however kindly you meant it, to invite her at all.

Iknowhim · 17/12/2022 18:03

BootifulLoser · 17/12/2022 17:54

You don't have anyone sleeping in the sitting room? Surely the children would be fine in there with some camping mattresses. I have fond memories of doing this as a kid with visiting families and their pets… 6 of us (humans) (+ two dogs and a cat) in the sitting room with sleeping bags on the floor and on the sofa.

Putting the children in the living room rules that out for adult socializing. What do the grown ups do when the kids have gone to bed?

Original poster

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 17/12/2022 17:57

thewayround · 17/12/2022 17:40

I suspect her children go to bed early and yours are up for a couple of hours

Not even, our DC go to bed at the same time usually, DS just takes ages to fall asleep (even on his own at home).

OP posts:

BootifulLoser · 17/12/2022 17:54

You don't have anyone sleeping in the sitting room? Surely the children would be fine in there with some camping mattresses. I have fond memories of doing this as a kid with visiting families and their pets… 6 of us (humans) (+ two dogs and a cat) in the sitting room with sleeping bags on the floor and on the sofa.

thewayround · 17/12/2022 17:40

I suspect her children go to bed early and yours are up for a couple of hours

thewayround · 17/12/2022 17:40

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 17/12/2022 17:32

Honestly she won’t be able to not acknowledge my son being overtired, it will be annoying for her as well.
She is a reasonable woman, definitely not a CF, and one advantage of not being that close is that we still keep this level of politeness where if one asks for something the other one might try to make an other suggestion but will oblige at the end. Really, no drama to be expected.

Show quote history

Would you ever consider tweaking bedtime so he goes to bed earlier?

MusicstillonMTV · 17/12/2022 17:37

Krakinou · 17/12/2022 17:05

Your original plan sounds like the best to me. I don’t understand why SIL can’t share with her kids. Does she not like them?

The SIL will have her own reasons. As someone who hates sharing with her kids, my reasons are:

My 6 year old snores and talks in his sleep. He sleeps till 7 and is grumpy if woken earlier

My 3 year old is ok in his own bed if in another room but if in the same room as me climbs in with me, takes up the whole bed (I don't understand how but even a king size bed) and rotates through the night kicking a different but of me every time he moves. He also sings in his sleep. He wakes up around 6 which is annoying for the 6 year old.

I can live with it for a night or two and can also live with it if it's just one of them but the combination drives me mad.

A week of it and, no, I wouldn't like them very much

Original poster

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 17/12/2022 17:32

SirMingeALot · 17/12/2022 17:19

I wouldn't do that OP, it'll become the settled situation and you'll be the unreasonable one for changing it.

Honestly she won’t be able to not acknowledge my son being overtired, it will be annoying for her as well.
She is a reasonable woman, definitely not a CF, and one advantage of not being that close is that we still keep this level of politeness where if one asks for something the other one might try to make an other suggestion but will oblige at the end. Really, no drama to be expected.

OP posts:

BungleandGeorge · 17/12/2022 17:21

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 17/12/2022 17:13

I just reread your initial post. Your SIL is an entitled twat. She just wants to be rid of her kids ffs

How so she’d still be sharing with the 3 year old. Perhaps she’s suggested the boys sharing as they are similar age and would probably like to. And it means her son gets a proper bed

SirMingeALot · 17/12/2022 17:19

I wouldn't do that OP, it'll become the settled situation and you'll be the unreasonable one for changing it.