To be utterly raging?

Don't take her criticisms to heart! None of what she says is true so why let it bother you? Try and see a friend soon and do something fun, maybe a day away?

YANBU

But you are living in her house and they are doing you a massive favour.

Just remember that this will be over soon and you’ll soon be back in your own home.

Move to a hotel/BB/Airbnb for at least some of the time. You all need a break from each other. What it may cost you in money will be worth each others sanity. At least try to get away somewhere for Xmas. I wish we hadn't moved in with my parents when I was long term sick, and then when renovating our house. Add to that when we sold our house unexpectedly quickly and moved in with my very recently widowed father. Time for a bit of self care for everyone call it a Xmas present for all.

YANBU. Them helping their own son, daughter in law and grandchildren out for a limited time does not mean they get to talk to you like that. That's not how family works. What does your husband say?

To be fair, if they're retired and you're also there almost all the time, I can imagine they're not enjoying not really having their space to themselves. Young children are really full on when they're around 24/7 too.
They also expected you to be moving out around now, I have to say I'd be very fed up in their shoes and would be thinking how to kindly tell you all to move out and rent until your house is ready.

I would really struggle if I was in your position or your MIL's position. I couldn't stand it. How much would an airbnb cost?

I'd love to hear your MIL's version. Are you saying you do all the housework and your in laws do nothing? Or just keeping your own room/stuff tidy?

A premier inn would have been better and cheaper. Why either of you would ask to live with them when you know she doesn’t think much of you already was mad. And it’s not a done now thing if you’re nearly doubling your stay there. They must be going spare, I would be. What happens if it’s not done in 2 more months?!

It sounds like an awful environment for all of you, including the children.

So what if they like reading the papers for hours in the morning? It’s their house, their morning. In addition to free housing you’re also getting free babysitting for both work and appointments. They might be difficult but they’re not treating you badly are they, and you’d be screwed without them.

She wants you to move out. You all spending 5 months in her house is clearly getting to her.

That said she should sit you BOTH down not just unload on you.

Time for an Airbnb. I love my parents dearly and we get on great, but there is absolutely no way I would even consider moving into their house with partner and kids in tow for more than a couple of nights.

Your expectations of this were huge, I'd add on another few grand onto the renovations budget to allow for housing the family and get out while the going is still reasonably good.

I am organised and calm otherwise I wouldn’t be calm.

I couldn’t deal with disorganised chaos in my own home for almost 6 months, sorry.

I'd be sorting out the essentials and putting up living in a building site than put up with that

Or you can slam on the anchors, stop doing so much and just keep out of their way.

I feel sorry for them not you. You should have rented somewhere or lived in the house while it’s being done up.

Well - it sounds awful - but they've saved you £30k!!

The 3k rent isn't their problem. It's clearly stressful for them to have you all stay and you're now staying 2 months longer. You and your husband are grown adults and need to sort your own housing.

Repeat parrot fashion her words when dh is around if she is doing it on the sly. Tell him if he doesn't back you up the chances of her visiting the new house are slim as your relationship with her will be nil.. When we told mil I was pregnant she hissed at me accidents happen and how his ex wanted his babies! When she left I told dh to phone her and tell her actually ds was planned.
The ex thing I told her well it was a shame dh never loved her it was a FWB thing!!

Does your DH ever challenge her at all? She sounds awful but if he isn’t standing up to her then he’s your issue, not her. It’s his Mum and he should be telling her she’s being completely out of order.

It sounds like she's at the end of her tether tbh.
Which most people would be.
Her side of the story would be interesting to hear.

Do you have a working bathroom in your existing house? If so can you camp out at home? We (5 of us) lived out of one room downstairs (as well as our bedrooms) while our extension was built and made a kitchen with air fryer, microwave, one ring hob. It was very hard but not as hard as staying with family.

I mean if her fella ‘gets her told’ she might ‘get them told’ that rent free accommodation and regular free babysitting is no longer suitable for her.

If her son and grandkids haven’t outstayed their welcome, then neither should her daughter in law.

Treating her daughter in law as a handmaiden for her son is sexist and mean.

Op, remember her behaviour when you get your own place and she moans that YOU never bring her DGC to her.

Your fella needs to get her told. If he won't then he's being useless. You don't deserve this.

Well, she doesn’t sound very nice but I think the problem is the fact you’ve moved in with them for 5 months as a SAHM. You’d all have to be saints not to get on each other’s nerves.

Can you stay somewhere else? Are you paying them rent?

Quite.

I imagine it's quite stressful for someone to suddenly have 4 people, two of whom are small and noisy moving in with them. Even if they are your son and his family.

Is your husband going to have a word with her about how she's spoken to you? If not, you've got a DH problem and a MIL one.

I love my MIL, but I'd rather live in a house with no roof than move in with her...okay maybe I would atm because it's freezing.