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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be utterly raging?

188 replies

InvisibleDisability · 12/12/2022 19:42

We’re currently living with my in laws while we have house renovations done. We’ve been here 3 and a half months so far and likely another 1-2 months to go.

it’s safe to say in my MIL’s eyes I’ve never really been good enough for her little Prince (my husband). She expects wives to wait hand and foot on their husbands especially if they’re “housewives”.

my children are 5 and almost 1. As anyone knows, getting out the house for school run for example is difficult no matter how neatly you’ve laid everything out the night before.

so imagine my feelings at being bollocked at this morning by MIL at the fact that I’m “too disorganised” (her words), that I shouldn’t ever ask husband for help because “he works and it’s your job as a housewife to sort the kids and the house” , that I need to learn to “pace myself better” (but bear in mind if I dare to lie down for a rest, it’s frowned upon that I’m not doing chores, but if I am trying to keep up with chores I’m told I should be pacing myself). Oh and the icing on the cake: I’m “really hard to live with like this”

now please note I work my absolute arse off trying to keep up with the standards of tidying, cleaning, laundry, ironing etc. (but of course she said “there’s no tidying to do” 🙄) after doing the morning school run I get errands done out of the house etc, basically anything to avoid getting in their way (they spend the first 2-3hrs each day reading the papers and don’t like to be disturbed) and then return late morning to feed baby lunch then it’s his nap time while I get jobs done then by the time he wakes it’s time to head off to collect daughter from school.

and on top of all this, I have various chronic physical illnesses which leave me exhausted obviously but oh that’s not an excuse! And “you shouldn’t let those things define you!”

im really hurt, I have been crying on and off all day. Pls tell me if I’m being unreasonable for reacting like this.

OP posts:
Penaltyshootoutfan · 12/12/2022 22:46

I really don’t think you can complain about her whilst living in her home, especially as a stay at home mum. If you don’t like it move out. Or get a job and use child care. So you’re out the house.

it must be so cringe for you, if you need to ask for his help to get the kids ready or go for lie downs. In your own home there is no one there to judge, but when living in someone else’s there comes a time even minor shit makes you want to smack them,

yoive been there too long and are annoying each other. Move out.

Createausernametoday · 12/12/2022 22:46

Bide your time…when you have moved into the renovated house invite her round then treat her like shit. Karma as they say

Baaaaaa · 12/12/2022 22:40

YABU. Suck it up buttercup (or move out) By your own admission she is saving you 5 months of 3k rental payment. I too would like to hear your MIL POV.

Lulu2171 · 12/12/2022 22:34

SnoozyLucy7 · 12/12/2022 19:47

What an utter bitch! She’s knows she can talk down to you so badly because it’s her house. You need to move out or husband needs to intervene in a big way and tell her to back off!. She’s treating you like shit. It’s unacceptable!

All of this!

Poor you. You've got so much on your plate. You can't go on like this.

HintofVintagePink · 12/12/2022 22:25

Definitely time to move out. Even just giving your PILs an end date will relieve the tension.

It sounds stressful for all of you; but you’ve been living rent free for weeks and weeks and you probably aren’t quite as great a houseguest as you think.

whataboutya · 12/12/2022 22:18

Yes I'd be interested To hear the other side of the story tbh.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter who is right or wrong, it's not working for you so you need to change things - find somewhere else to stay.

Onnabugeisha · 12/12/2022 22:10

I think tensions have reaching breaking point. MIL wasn’t going to blow her top towards the children. Your DH is out most of the day. You are always there, and so you’re the natural target for the boiling over of her pent up frustration.

Its never a good idea to move in with relatives for so many months. I wouldn’t hold it against her, she’s obviously just gone on a rant probably due to feeling overwhelmed by the fact you’re not leaving by Christmas as originally planned.

You and your DH need to sort housing. Your PILs have saved you what £18k? Surely you have it to now spend on temporary accommodation of some sort?

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 12/12/2022 22:10

Nevermind31 · 12/12/2022 19:46

Move out. Only way.

Yes rent a holiday let or something I wouldn't stay

antipodeancanary · 12/12/2022 22:01

Good God. You will have lived in the pils house for over 6 months and you have the gall to criticize them! They are saving you £3000 a month by letting you live there. They will have saved you 18k and you don't like the fact they moan? Well you can't have everything your own way. Move out if you don't see this as a good deal. Or suck it up. But stop biting the hand that feeds you

Scotty12 · 12/12/2022 21:59

She sounds awful but you definitely need to move out asap.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/12/2022 21:54

I don’t think the DH should “get her told” but he should have a word with his Mum on your behalf. About how hard this is for you, and your health conditions.

OverTheRubicon · 12/12/2022 21:51

You mention 'all the cleaning', are you doing everything for all 6 of you? Because if so, then it's a lot. If not, and if for example she's cooking for you too, then actually there will very much be 2 sides to this story. It does sound really hard for you, but likely also for them.

Bananarama21 · 12/12/2022 21:51

Are you dustrubing them when doing the school run not picking up after yourselves? Leaving washing about. I wonder if she has a point? The living arrangements would drive me nuts.

echt · 12/12/2022 21:44

I'd be sitting her down and asking exactly what you're doing that's making you hard to live with, so it can be made better. With your husband next to you.

rosemarysalter · 12/12/2022 21:44

start looking for an air bnb immediately

Mummapenguin20 · 12/12/2022 21:42

What’s your husband said

parietal · 12/12/2022 21:28

if you can't move out, you'll have to learn to be deaf to all her comments. Just let them slide off you - water off a duck's back. Train yourself in nodding without listening and get on with your day. you can't control her comments but you can try not to react, so pretend she is not talking to you at all, she is talking to the window. just focus on your kids and on getting your house fixed up as fast as possible.

Also, can you get even a bit of time away from her? even a few days at New Year might give everyone a break.

Cats23 · 12/12/2022 21:23

I would move out 100%!!
I'd actually say moving to a B&B ia surely better than staying!

ButterCrackers · 12/12/2022 21:22

She could help with the kids in the morning instead of complaining. Tell her that as a housewife herself and a grandmother as well she should have a cooked breakfast waiting for the kids and the lunchbox. Turn comments around to herself. I hope that you can go back to your own house soon.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 12/12/2022 21:18

She sounds like a right horrible mean person and how does she think it is ok to speak to you like that. Would she dare talk to someone else like that. I really understand where you are coming from and yes it is her house but that does not give her the right to be so rude and a right old cow to you at all in any shape or form with her snidey put downs. Is there any way you could go and stay with your children to any of your family for a bit as living there is not good for your mental health at all. Please try to get some rest when you can. Does your husband know how she is with you and how she talks to you and how she expects you to act like a maid for your husband. Sorry you are going through this difficult time and so difficult how to handle it. I would be moving back into your own place even if one room only ready as it would be easier than having to be there. Take care.

Luckyducker · 12/12/2022 21:06

If I had a family of 4 living with me for months I'd be a real charmer too.

Facecream · 12/12/2022 20:42

There’s got to be a way you can live in your home OP - basic as it may be..

BirmaBrite · 12/12/2022 20:37

She is probably as fed up with the situation as you are !

Neither of you are enjoying this enforced cohabitation are you ? They are used to lazy mornings, not the school run chaos and babies, but they are also being incredibly generous providing you with free accommodation and occasional babysitting, so have a cry and then start counting down to when you are in your lovely new home and you can both breathe easy again.

Abitofalark · 12/12/2022 20:36

When the raw upset subsides a bit, try not to take it personally. Take the emotion out of it and treat it as a situational and practical problem that affects them as much as you. It's clearly caused by the stress of the house sharing situation and the tension of that has come to a head and burst out after three months.

My brother and his new wife tried living in my family home with our parents while they were having a house built. It did not work out between my mother and my brother's wife so the couple moved into a caravan at the bottom of our garden. Problem solved. You've had three months there which has saved you a bit of money. See if you can buy or rent a caravan for a month or two to put an end to the strain on everyone. And if you can manage it, don't hold it against your husband's mother.

Coatdegroan · 12/12/2022 20:35

I was gong to suggest setting up one room as best you can on the place you are doig up and staying there a couple of nights a week- and then renting an air b n b from time to time to break things up for everyone. We did our house up when we had a 10, 5 and 2 Yr old it was very very basic and we only had one heated room but at least no parents in-law to deal with. A Woodburner makes anything tolerable. But camping at weekends might be a good balance.

Sounds like she isn't very kind though.