To be utterly raging?

I feel for all of you.
we recently had close family stay for a few months and although it had nice bits it definitely began to affect our relationship. We didn’t get to squabbling point but there was lots of tongue biting going on.
I just kept thinking that it will be over soon, don’t say anything you’ll regret!

What does your Dh say?

It doesn't matter if you have outstayed the expected period, she was unspeakably rude to say those things to you. They are not acceptable things to say to a family member if you want to stay on good terms.

Your DH needs to sort this out with her. It is a decision between him and her that you all stayed there, you should not be caught in the corssfire.

Once you have left, stop trying to please her and keep it minimal. Anyone dismissing a diagnosed condition etc is a bad egg.

Than don't stay in her house OP.

I’m quite surprised at this reaction. It isn’t that easy to be perfectly organised and on time on the morning even if things are laid out the night before.
There are last minute nappy changes, need for show and tell etc.
Just because MIL is having OP to stay it doesn’t give her free range to be critical. I would not want to have to be out all morning straight from the school run so PIL can read the paper in peace . It doesn’t give her much time to get herself ready before going out.

Time to move out.

I had a friend stay for a week and to be honest I wanted to throttle her by the end of one week. I was getting really irritated by her. I could not cope with 2 children moving in. Sorry, my neighbours child screaming all hours drives me insane and that’s next door.

It sounds like you are leaving the kitchen/ communal areas in disarray until the afternoon. If this is the case then it impacts the Pils if they prefer the 'tidy up as you're going along' approach. I'm imagining myself wanting to prepare lunch and the worktops and sink area are still full of breakfast stuff because you are out and won't be back for a couple of hours. Apologies if this is not the case but it sounds like maybe they are doing all the compromising and now it looks like going on longer than expected it's not surprising that something's at last been said.

Where's your Dh in all this?

Ooooh not on Mumset!
We're all so emancipated that not only do we get to choose not to go to work, but when the husband gets home he then has to get the hoover out and look after the kids. Hadn't you read the memo?

In real life obviously 😉 things are a little more normal.

I'd be interested in hearing what the OP's "keeping on top of things" in her rent free accomodation consists of. Because it sounds like she looks after her own family's stuff. But the increased 4-fold general house/cleaning/cooking stuff. Who is doing that?

This.

Much as I love my family I would be tearing my hair out at this stage and in a perpetual state of annoyance. Poor mil.

I do think there’s two sides to this story. Sorry OP but you do sound like hard work. Not many of us do well with someone “under our feet” day in and out for months on end, so it sounds like she just snapped. It also sounds as if you find your life more difficult than maybe you should. So this is where the clash has come in. She’s bluntly told you to get it together. Whether that’s reasonable or not I can’t say. But yes, it’s time to move out. Work around the renovations or rent somewhere for the last few weeks. You’ve still saved a lot of money up until now.

I live overseas and when I go to the UK I live with my Dad. He regularly tells me things I am doing that annoy him. Sometimes it upsets me but I would never be raging. His house his rules.

I don't understand what type of renovations you are having that you can't remain in the house while they're being done?

I would move back home ASAP. It really truly is not worth what your MIL is putting you through, absolutely nothing is worth this. Go home today.

I can’t even imagine what you are having done that has made your house uninhabitable for six months! It must be a massive job and in that case I think you should have factored in alternative accommodation costs.

I also thought it was generally accepted that the person in a couple who is not going out to work did do most of the chores at home. Anyway I think they are entitled to share their views with people that are occupying their home for such a long time. I think you have a real cheek complaining when you (all of you) have imposed yourselves like this because it saves you money.

YABU surely you chose to be a sahm while your husband works. Why not get a ft job and find a childminder? Sorry to be blunt but equality works both ways

You are just at different life stages. They were kind letting you stay rent free until Xmas.
You get sorted for the school run the night before, I get this I did it too, but didn't wash up after in my own home and leave the kitchen pristine because I had no time.
Your mil is retired and wants the kitchen clean in the morning so she can read her paper and relax. Is this maybe because you do errands every day and leave the cleaning to later that she stresses about?
Not wrong on either side, just some communications issues?

As a MIL who has an adult son and DIL living with us, I can only reiterate what @parietal said. You must ignore, ignore, ignore. Your MIL is equally as frustrated as you.
You are both different generations with different lifestyles at different life stages, you are living in your In Laws home, you must be mindful of that and I would suggest you bite your lip and try and forget it, don't let it spoil what was a previously probably a good relationship. Don't complain to your H either, you will put him in a difficult position. You either move out or get on with it.
Just remember they are doing you a big, big favour.
Hope your house is finished soon.
Good luck

What she said was mean and uncaring.

But it sounds as though the two of you don't get in very well and maybe she's been bottling this up. It's one blow up in 3.5 months. I think you've both done well not to have a bust up before now.

For the sake of family relationships, it's probably time you moved out. They've been extraordinarily generous and it's obviously taken its toll on everyone.

At the very least, can you move home while builders are finished for Christmas? Can you muster together a living area, bathroom and somewhere to sleep? Make it an adventure for the DC.

This obviously won't be possible if there's no heating, in which case maybe try air b n b.

They've been very generous. Don't make them feel like monsters now. Just take the opportunity to give everyone some space.

“my children are 5 and almost 1. As anyone knows, getting out the house for school run for example is difficult no matter how neatly you’ve laid everything out the night before.”

Actually not “as anyone knows”. Most people have the occasional hiccup (god love a baby poonami!) but don’t find that difficult regularly. To her, you probably do seem disorganised if it’s frequently a problem.

You need to be back in your own house. If you have a bathroom , electricity and heating you can usually work around other things.

Your mil has even told you direct, she’s struggling to live with you. And that’s ok. Most folks would struggle with a family moving in like this , two little kids and a parent who doesn’t work outside the home. They must feel like the house isn’t theirs. Small shit winds everyone up at this stage.

they offered for a certain period . Say thank you and move out as you promised. Don’t have your husband demanding she behaves a certain way. Just make arrangements to move to your own place now. Salvage the relationship and move on.

Your DH needs to stand up for you and tell his mum to stop criticising you. He also needs to step up and help with the house and kids.
It sounds like you might have a DH problem as well as a MIL problem!

Living with someone for such an extended period - you are bound to rub each other the wrong way.

It sounds tough all round. I think for the sake of your health & sanity you should invest in renting or rework Reno plans so you can move back sooner albeit sharing rooms

I can't understand why you would have agreed to move in there in the first place as you clearly dislike her.

I like my MiL but wouldn't want to live with her for 6 months.
I very much love both my DiLs but can see how much the dynamics change when you have a 5 yr old and a baby in the house.

I would love to hear the other side of this story too.

Yes I do. lived with in laws for 3 months, rent free. Mil cried when we left. She is nice and not a rude old bag

You mean after she’s been living there rent free for 3 months.