To be utterly raging?

Try to resist the urge to become childish and defensive in your responses to posters, OP.

There’s not many people who could live with parents/in laws for this length of time without getting on each others’ nerves. I love my son in law very much, but I think I’d manage a week with him before we’d annoy each other to death.

Dig deep. Can you get away for a week in the sun or something?

Where do you live? My parents rented a 4 bed house in a very expensive bit of London last year for £3500 pm.

You moved in to save yourselves money and it bit you on the arse.

I'd be in jail if my mother in law ever spoke to me like that but there we are. i'm glad everyone's better than me. 😆

InvisibleDisability · Today 09:04
“Ok I get it, I really shouldn’t have asked for advice on here. I have mental health problems as well as physical health problems hence having a cleaner to help just with some of day to day stuff. Clearly this isn’t acceptable and I just need to shut up and hide away.
to those thinking I just leave a mess wherever I go, that is not the case, I am always tidying up as I go; breakfast stuff is never left out, in fact nothing is ever left out.”

OP if nothing is ever left out and you tidy everything as you go, what exactly is it that MIL is complaining about when she says you are too ‘disorganised’ ?
Is there anything you think you could do at all to improve the situation as she sees it ? Remember, it’s their home not yours so it really should be you and your DH to make the adjustments to improve things for your remaining time there.
Nobody is saying you need to hide away. The majority are answering with advice in good faith and with understanding of your predicament.

@InvisibleDisability I too have mental health problems and long term deliberating illness but manage to work and look after my own home and attend medical appointments and support groups. Maybe working pt may help?

Oh dear.

The sexist stuff is really difficult whether you are living in their house or not. And must be unbearable to live with.

But, you must have known what they were like before you moved in.

Will you need the childcare once your house is finished?

I think it is pretty kind of them to have you to stay for months, and do childcare, so vent away for now, but don’t burn bridges.

You and your DH made the decision to do extensive renovations at a time that you have a baby not in childcare, it was wholly predictable that the work would get delayed. Unless your house suffered some disaster and you had no choice you are presumably doing this for your ultimate benefit and gain.

So vent in private, try and see it from your ILs pov (they are allowed to read the paper, or practice their naked highland dancing or whatever else they to with their time, without judgement). And develop a few polite ways to say ‘ah well, we both expect it to be different in our marriage’ when she starts and other lighthearted / humour based replies.

Good luck!

id find a winter break for xmas and get away to break up the time you have left there

Why is this solely OPs choice? All this YOU'RE DOING THIS TO YOUR MIL nonsense as if HE isn't staying with HIS parents, who have obviously agreed to it and should talk to their son if it's become a problem rather than bit hung to OP about how she's a shit wife.

The main question is is whether your DH agrees with her and doesn’t help or he’s your equal.

I’m sure the 1950s would like her back. I’d be inclined to laugh at her outdated comments but probably not the best thing for long term harmony.
Get your builders to finish bathroom, kitchen and one room as a priority.
You can all sleep and live in one room if necessary and could even cook on a hot plate and microwave for a few weeks if the kitchen is too much to fix soon.
Id rather camp in a half finished house than live with your MIL.
Alternatively find a holiday rental that’s hopefully empty after Xmas and offer the owner what you can afford plus utilities.

Not one post on here says you need to shut up and hide away.

You've been advised to see things from your PILs point of view, how hard it must be for them, how generous they've been, and how it would be better for everyone, especially you, if you found alternative accommodation.

She's being utterly ridiculous @InvisibleDisability but I think it's now on your DH to step up and say something to his Mom. Does HE want to be a hands off Dad who has no engagement with his kids beyond handing over a bank card? If not then he nerds to politely tell her to wind her neck in. If he DOES advocate his mother's ideas, you need to get back to work as soon as you can cos it's a DH problem.

As for overstaying your welcome, getting into massive debt it's really a solution is it. You're doing the best by your family keeping any decent roof over their head and it throwing thousands onto a credit card but perhaps DH needs to have a conversation about it and if they'd prefer you to move out

You're getting a hard time on here OP. I don't think your MIL should have made comments to you as she did. It must feel horrible to be criticised all the time.

I think you need to accept this is a tough situation and you are all finding it hard, sit down and talk about what you can do to make it more bearable. TBH I'd prefer to hire a caravan and live on my driveway than be told what to do all the time, though health problems and baby might not make that feasible!

You'll get through this, you just need to find the way that is the least bumpy route. I'd imagine your MIL is used to her own routines, sees you struggling and is trying to help so she's coming from a good place even if it's infuriating. She can bolllock off with the breadwinner does zilch in the house stuff, though.

@InvisibleDisability your MIL sounds like an arse but you knew she was an arse before you moved in. It is also very stressful for her to have a family of 4 move in for longer than anticipated.

No one is downplaying your difficulties but this situation was never going to be easy.

Ultimately they're doing you a massive favour and have saved you a significant amount of money, this means unfortunately that you need to be the one who does the vast majority of the compromising and if that doesn't work you need to find somewhere else to live.

Oh, I’ve just seen that your ILs play with your children “non stop” when you’re around.

The bastards 🤔

OP, I don’t blame them for wanting the peace of reading their papers undisturbed in the morning. The hassle of a young family must be noisy and exhausting, and after all those months this oasis of calm may be the only way they can cope.

Is your MIL being unreasonable and/or rude? Yes, but she’s probably at the end of her rope and wishing she no longer had house guests, so is lashing out without thinking. As we get older, we become increasingly aware of how short life is and how little time we have left, so she and her DH must be very keen to return to having a nice easy, peaceful life at their age. It was extremely kind of them to let you stay for months on end; so many wouldn’t have. Her views on SAHMs are hers to have, however unpalatable they may be to others.

I feel for you, it must be so hard, but you really need to move out, OP.

You sound like hard work.

You also sound incredibly ungrateful

@InvisibleDisability just seen your other thread whinging about your mil. I laughed when you said you had a cleaner you live a blessed life while your poor DH works his tits off

As a mum of adult children who have all moved out my sympathies are with your MIL. You don’t mention if your PIL are in good health, they may be very tired and just need their own space back. I have health conditions which mean I would be in pain and exhausted if I was picking up the slack of cooking and cleaning for an extra 4 people.

I think you need to do more and appreciate how much they have done for you if there is no alternative to staying longer.

I’m 42 and still remember when I was 7, when me, my parents and my brother moved in with my grandparents whilst my parents had an extension put on their house. It was a nightmare as my Nan picked my SAHM up on everything, my Mum ended up grabbing us and moving back to our house, dust and all. If you can, go home and put up with the dirt and dust.

Totallly agree, as the mil is going to do the same back. The mil has already told her they are struggling to live with the op , so there is clearly two sides to this story

they need to leave.

I think she has been a bloody angel to have had the two of you, plus 2 young kids staying in her house for so long.
Yes, you should have made alternative arrangements.
Yes, she has saved you a fortune in rent.
Perhaps try showing abit of gratitude instead of moaning and whining behind her back.

Your PILs have done you a great kindness and saved you £18k. It is completely foreseeable that this arrangement would be stressful not only for your family of 4 but for your in-laws as well. You need to thank the in-laws for their generosity and move to more suitable alternative accommodation.

*speak to MIL yourself directly, clearly explaining your feelings. Start with:

When you….

I feel….
I need to…
And I’d like you to…*

This can be a good approach normally. I think here it’s likely to add fuel to the fire- if I were the MIL and utterly fed up of having a family of four in my house who’ve overstayed on the agreed timetable and show no sign of moving out, someone giving me a patronising lecture in my own home about what I’m allowed to say would tip me right over the edge.