To be utterly raging?

You sound a bit ungrateful.she's saved you money and you've been in her house for almost half a year. Is this how she would describe the story?

Agree that you've outstayed your welcome and she thinks it's time you should leave and I'd be inclined to agree. She has done you a huge favour, saved you a lot of money and you have no right to complain.

She didn't owe you anything or have to let you all stay there. I'd be tearing my hair out too - especially if you were at home all day in my house!

I get on really well with my PIL but I could not live in their house with them for 3-5 months- we'd definitely fall out. Can you at least have a break somewhere over Christmas? Do you know anyone who is going away for a few days and might let you 'house-sit'?

I agree.

It's very difficult having someone, even someone you love, come into your home for any length of time.

They have their ways, you have yours. You rub each other up the wrong way and don't get a chance to get out from under each others' feet.

You really would be best either moving out (best option) or biting your tongue if you can't move out.

I dont get this at all, over the last 6 years I have had new windows and doors, 3 new roofs, 2 new bathrooms, a new kitchen, a full rewire, a new heating system and all new plumbing throughout(in the middle of november) a log burner installed, walls knocked down, rooms split into two and pretty much everything else you can think of for a full reno, plus running a business from home.

There are 6 of us and not once have we spent even 1 night away, we just moved from room to room. I cant for the ;life of me work out why op would need to leave for 6 months

Tbh her attitude towards housewives doesn't really matter. What she probably sees is that you're off out of the house for hours every day (whilst you're avoiding them reading the newspapers) and then rushing about trying to get organised the rest of the time. That does make you look disorganised.

As a PP said they're saving you fortunes in rent. You have all overstayed your welcome by months and your approach to organising your time and your DCs really doesn't match how she would do it. Normally that doesn't matter - my MIL wouldn't agree with my approach to anything - but it does matter when you're living on top of each other in their house. You either need to toughen up or move out. Living with ILs doesn't cost money but it does cost emotionally.

Tbh I think I would be irritated if my Ds and DIL were living with me rent free and I watched my DS go out to work full time and pay for a cleaner when all my DIL had to do was the school run. She is saving you money and you are paying for a cleaner when you could be doing that yourself.

You still haven’t answered the question about your house - is it possible to go back and live in one room ?

Also to clarify , you have a cleaner ? Did you organize this for your MIL house ? Why ?
Sounds really weird.

I would be annoyed if someone was living with me , not working and paying money to someone else to clean … why not do the cleaning yourself ?

According to this and OP's other threads ...

• provide a free roof over their head
• shares the cooking
• shares the cleaning
• babysits while OP goes to appointments
• plays with the children "all the time"

OP has a cleaner as well. I appreciate that she has a chronic condition and living in someone else's home is not easy, but it doesn't sound like she is run off her feet.

Rereading all the OP's posts.
What has actually been said?
We don't know. But it's clearly something along the lines of her (the OP) needing to pull her weight more while living in someone else's house. Which is fair enough if she isn't. And again, doing the school run and putting the cereal bowls away doesn't really cut it.
4 extra people create a fuckton of extra mess, noise etc. They just do.

Other threads show that OP has previous for the MIL hate and I'd take everything she says with a large pinch of salt.

She sounds like a nasty old fashioned woman OP. I’d be telling her that you’ll ask your husband to ‘help’ with his is own children because that’s what good fathers do. As for the rest, ignore them, make sure you’re keeping things as organised and tidy as possible but other than that roll your eyes and carry on. My partner would have told my MIL to stop picking at everything, get your partner to have a word with her. Just because you’re staying there doesn’t means she gets to act like a total bitch to you.

I pray the your house is ready soon, go home as soon as possible, the house doesn’t need to be perfect, just safe and liveable. We lived in our house with a young child while we had builders in for 4 months. It wasn’t my favourite few months but so much better than the thought of living with PIL. 😬

What does she do you help you?
Gave them some where to live is a pretty big help and saved them about 30k is not insignificant.
Why does she need to do more. OP would be looking after her children and tiding up whether she was was here or somewhere else.
Also there are usually 3 sides to every story, yours, theirs and fact.
I cant think of many people who would be happy with a family moving in and not moving out when expected. I know it's not ops fault things have run out but I would have been at raging point by now with the OP for just being there still.

What are you and OP doing to show gratitude for helping out. Have you treated them? What have you done to make life easier for them while you are there.

Even with the best will in the world and the nicest relatives, living together for so long would put a strain on both parties. Can you not move back to your house sooner? The renovations don’t have to be finished. You can work around them. Live in one or two rooms while they do the rest of the work. It will probably also speed the work up a bit as you’ll be there to ‘watch’ them. As you’re not there, they probably think there’s not a super-rush.

Have you talked to your therapist about this and how to deal with the current situation & aftermath?
I would be directly telling her it is not 1950 nor is a health condition am excuse but apart of your life.
No one is intitled to treat you like this with a favorite our not.
Parenting styles is the easiest to criticism to throw at a mother I feel.
Whatever her version of events, get out of that place.
Change your routine before you go stir crazy and visit a friend.
Can she not help since you have it so wrong.
Your raising children one of the most devalued jobs ever!
These young people are humans with human era not robots like yourself.
No outstanding your welcome but staying to see the real person your mother inlaw is perhaps!
Hugs.....I would never stay with family again!

I can’t imagine staying at my in laws for 5 nights let alone 5 months. Yikes!
Even living with my own mother for that long would test me to the limit, and I love my mum dearly.

No wonder tensions are high, this is just a pressure cooker situation all round. I have sympathy for both sides here.

Is your existing house useable at all, a functional loo and kitchen? I would rather camp there than carry on for another couple of months when it’s clear that the limit of hospitality has been crossed and it’s become an unhealthy dynamic all round.

Oh come off it OP, noone is saying that are they?

You MIL is out of line with her comments BUT you are acting like she has done nothing at all for you when in fact she's actively giving your help with your kids (even though you are a SAHM) and saving you 10s of thousands of pounds by letting her into her home.

You've been there for ages so it's no wonder everyone is getting on each others nerves, but you have to remember YOU created this situation, YOU could solve it by putting your hand in your pocket and your ILs are doing YOU a massive favour here.

3k a month in rent?! Rubbish. You can get a 2 bed place in London for less than that. Just move out.

This, I don't get what the issue is, you are a sahm, your 5 yo gets herself ready in the morning, you have a cleaner, there's no mess being left, the ILs babysit so you can get to appointments? The only thing I can see would be an issue for me would be if it was my house would be the cleaner attending for my long term house guests. Do they do the whole house? Are the ILs happy with them being in their home?

What does your husband have to say about the things she says to you?

If rent alone would be 3k per month, then for 5 months theya re saving you FIFTEEN THOUSAND POUNDS. REmind yourself of that and bite your tongue.

Anyone who could put up with 2 adults and 2 kids moving in for half a year is a better woman than me

My friend has got the opposite of this just now - she is the MIL and it has wreaked havoc on their house, privacy and well being. It's far too long a period. If you want the extension then you have to include the potential rent for somewhere else.

Like others have said I think you have outstayed your welcome. We stayed with in laws for 3 months when the children were very young as we were waiting to complete on our house. MIL was the most loveliest person you could ever meet but by the end we were all just bloody sick of each other. I am a bit disorganised where MIL was very organised so we ended up being frustrated which each other.
when we moved into our new home we got back into our normal relationship which was really good.
i stayed with my mother when I got divorced many moons ago, I lasted a week, don’t get me started on her behaviour during that week. I was actually homeless in the end but I could not stay another day in her house.
Look at the situation from her side and appreciate that they have offered a roof over your head and saved you a lot of money in the process

I’m really sorry this has upset you so much @InvisibleDisability.

I don’t mean this to sound condescending, but when you’re a bit calmer, maybe you could approach MIL and ask her for specifics. What exactly does she mean when she says you’re ‘disorganised’? Can she offer any advice as to what she thinks you should be doing? Or is she offering to help? Maybe take the baby while you get the older kid ready and out the door for school?

Please share this with your husband. You make no mention of him apart from as the prince in his mother’s eyes. At the very least, he should be reinforcing to his mother that parenting and helping to look after the house is his work as much as yours, and that berating you is not on.

Most people wouldn't put up with it. My MIL would be worse, she's a proper arsehole who thinks my only purpose in life is to care for her son. This is why I would never live with her.

The OP has history with her MIL so it was g never going to work.

Funny how they’re fine with their son and grandchildren staying.

They just see OP as houseworker.

What happens after school? Is that what she's referring to? Do you flop on the settee and dh gets his own dinner when he gets in? Or are you running around cooking, cleaning, washing because you haven't done it during the day? I know these are extremes but I would ask her how she would do things if she were you. Maybe you are disorganised and not pacing yourself or this is her 'kindly' way of saying what she really thinks! Is she aware of your health problems?