To be utterly raging?

If your house has a roof and a toilet then move out immediately. Living in each others pockets is going to break your relationship with them beyond repair. I think personally you are expecting too much and it's quite a cheek

That sounds awful! Are you able to move back into your house for the last of the renovations? We’ve had some serious renovations done whilst living in a house. It’s not ideal, but I appreciate don’t know what your renovations are and it might not be possible.

She doesn't sound awful to me, just fed up with having her house overrun for months. I'd heve turned into a raging psychopath by now. They've put you up for months probably saving you a fortune, they do some childcare, and here you are trashing them on Mumsnet.

I'm scratching my head at your comment. Who is that aimed at? At first I thought you were the OP but that makes no sense either 🤷🏻‍♀️

Guys I've never mentioned a cleaner anywhere. I don't have one and also don't have a MIL.

you've overstayed your welcome, whether she is lovely or nasty, she and her husband have had their home disrupted for 6 months-imagine how you would feel if the positions were reversed🙄

Your MIL must adore your DH , if she has put up with this for so long to help him.

Where do you live that rent costs £3K pcm? If you're that unwell both medically and mentally having two kids is a horrible strain but as PPs have already said x1000, you all need to move out.

@melj1213 if your DB and SIL don't want to move in with your mum, I will, it sounds great! 😂

YABU

My brother and sister in law moved back to the UK with my 7yo nephew and 1mo niece in April this year after living abroad for work. They were in the process of buying a house but needed time for all the paperwork to come through etc and with all the moving costs they were skint and while they could have rented somewhere it would have stretched their already tight budget and they only needed somewhere for a couple of months.

Both sets of parents offered for them to stay with them while they got sorted and everyone assumed they'd take my parents offer as they live in a large 5 bed detached house in a quiet area on the edge of town with front and back gardens, walking distance to my nephew's new school, 3 reception rooms as well as a purpose built bar/cinema at the bottom of the garden (so everyone could have had their own spaces but also spend time together as well), multiple bathrooms and just generally lots of space. Additionally my dad works offshore so most of the time it's literally just my mum in the house and she doesn't work so was always on hand to help with the kids but also has a thriving social life so not just at home 24/7.

Her parents house is a small 3 bed, one downstairs living room, kitchen diner, a tiny strip of grass in the front and paved back garden, one bathroom house on a council estate in the next town over (only a 10 min drive away but obviously more work for school run/shopping etc) with lots of busy roads and nowhere for the kids to play. Additionally both SILs parents work shifts, including nights, so not around to help and it just generally being a more awkward set up

However, my SiL wanted to stay with her parents, as she had not long had the baby and just wanted her mum (understandably) so they stayed there. Before I get jumped on I'm genuinely not trying to be disparaging about the ILs home as they are lovely people and I spend lots of time with them just trying to show how utterly unsuited the situation was practically to take in a family of 4 including a newborn - and dog - compared to the other option.

They moved out this week.

"A couple of months" turned into 8 months and by the end of it my brother and SIL could not wait to get out of her parents house and they couldn't wait to have them out as they had All. Had. Enough.

Nobody had done anything "wrong" they just were all struggling living on top of each other, getting used to the additional mess/noise/presence of extra people in the house; nobody getting any real privacy or peace and quiet as there was always someone in the house; finding space for all the extra things you need when you're sharing a space designed for one family especially with all the stuff a baby needs that takes up space (pram, moses basket, chairs, playmats, bottles/tubs of milk powder/prep machine all over the kitchen, washing daily etc etc) trying to decide what things will be shared and what will you all buy individually (eg do you all buy your own butter or share one? If you share, whose responsibility is it to buy it? If you have 3 different washing detergents, where do you store them all? Etc) How to split household bills when you've got 4 extra people using gas/electricity etc.Whose responsibility is it to coin every night - do you have to cook for the whole household or can everyone feed themselves? If you all cook for yourselves who has to do all the washing up when 2 people have cooked and are eating but there aren't any pans left for the next person to cook, but this happens every night and the third person ends up washing up twice etc etc

After a while all those little niggles just start building up and started turning into resentment, especially as the move overran significantly and they all felt like they were stuck with no control.

Haha, this made me snort. Not everyone has enough money to afford to rent at the same time as cover the cost of works and mortgage. Loads of people do work and live in the house at the same time. Or move in with in laws. Stop being so sneery.

(Waits for the usual 'maybe you can't really afford to do the works if you haven't factored this in' comment)

3.5 months is a long time to stay in their house. Have you got a working kitchen/bathroom? If so, move back.

I wouldn’t dream of going to live with my in laws. Building projects always run over so that should have been factored in.

I’d have saved for and planned a build which I could afford to rent a house for the duration, like everyone else does. sounds like you’ve over committed yourself here! I think you are very fortunate, perhaps you should move to an Air bnb or similar for the remainder?

I have a cleaner. We still have lots of laundry, washing up, surfaces need daily wipe, sinks and kitchen floors need a wipe between visits etc. OP is probably doing the maximum that she can, she just needs to understand that it can still be hard for PIL to share the house, while it's hard for her too. That's nobody's fault, it's genuinely hard to share with others. They're all stressed, tempers get frayed, that's unfortunate but would happen to many of us on either side of this situation.

Thanks @ZeroFuchsGiven for that. I'm still confused because in the opening post the OP said she works her absolute arse off cleaning. I guess the truth lies somewhere between the OP's and the MIL's version of events 😂

She is paying a cleaner to clean her PILs house.

I don't really understand the reference to a cleaner. Does the OP have a cleaner at her PILs house? Or does she mean usually at her own house and she's coping without now?

OP, be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can under stressful circumstances. And all with a little one in tow. I'm pretty sure 'housewife' advice would send me over the edge in your circumstances.

Just try and rise above it. You are nearly there and hopefully you can set up some boundaries between you and PIL again once you move back home.

I'm rubbish at housework. I just own it these days and don't beat myself up about it. Thankfully, my MIL pretends she doesn't notice

OP you're obviously frustrated living there. Go to a hotel if you can't go home.

What does your husband say about the situation?

A blessed life because as someone with a chronic physical illness with young kids she has a cleaner??

As soon as School breaks up, go and stay with your family for a few days. Or go for a long weekend this weekend with just the baby if your DH can do school run Friday evening and Monday morning + weekend with your older child.

Suck it up, or move out.

You are taking advantage of being able to live there, which means you need to deal with and bite your tongue over difference of opinion over lifestyle.

In other circumstances yanbu, but in choosing to live there you need to accept it.

But you were happy to move in with her??????

I think you need a chat with your MiL about her standards and expectations while you're in her home. This shouldn't be focused on what you or your husband respectively do as thats none of her business. The focus should be on what she wants from you as a couple in terms of orgsnisation, chores and so on.
This will be largely up to her, as guests in her home, she holds the cards, so you will either have to comply with her wishes or leave.
When you know what she wants, then you and your husband can divide the work up between you as you see fit. Any criticism from her of how much he does should be countered by him pointing out that as long as its done it makes no difference by whom.

Hmm. Some of the responses on here are weird and like out of another era. As others have said 5 or 6 months in another's house is horrendous. The fact it's your inlaws and you are a SAHM puts you in a very difficult and powerless position. It's hard for you to keep out of their way or not get under their feet. On the other hand, they aren't your parents so it's hard for you to be relaxed (on both sides) or fit in comfortably with how each other does things.

I disagree with a lot of the other people here. I think it's totally unacceptable for someone to say such interfering things about you in your relationship. Why shouldn't your husband help? You have two small children. You have a small baby. So what he works? If you are struggling, and there are many reasons you might be and which people should be far more understanding about, then of course you should ask for help. Noone should make you feel ashamed for that. It is also none of her actual business how your relationship is organised between your husband and you.

Maybe she got irritated with you for whatever reason and just snapped. Which might be fine with her own grown up child maybe, but not with you unless you know each other extremely well, as it's hard to get over such things in that position. I'm not saying it's the end of the world if she snapped. It happens and bound to maybe with so much strain with people living in her house for ages beyond what she agreed. But it didn't mean you just have to be passive and accept such remarks.

You are in an awful powerless position though, which you and your husband seem to have chosen. I think you should look into moving somewhere else or else this is in danger of spoiling your relationship long term and she sounds like she and FIL have been a big help and also minded the baby for you. It would be a terrible shame to spoil that relationship. If you could be very controlled about it you could try talking about it to her directly in a grown-up way. Something along the lines of, "I know we are here longer than intended and I'm very sorry for that and very grateful to all you have done to help us and I do appreciate that. I want us to have a good relationship going forward. But I can't have you speak to me like you did this morning. If there are things I can do to make things easier whilst we are here I will try my utmost to do them, but I don't appreciate comments about my relationship which is private and between me and x. We live in the 21st century and asking a father to help out with his kids is perfectly reasonable and how I ask my own partner for support is between me and my husband." Or something. Then buy her a big bunch of flowers to say thanks for all she has been doing for you. Basically she is doing a lot for you, BUT that doesn't mean she gets to say things that are not on to you. Who knows, she may have to stay with you in the future for a while, so you never know when these situations will flip and change.

But if you went down this line then you might have to be prepared to move elsewhere if she took offence. But I think with calmness, you should be able to acknowledge the difficulty of the situation, their helpfulness to you whilst not accepting that they be commenting on how you and your husband decide to organise things in the morning.

Your question was are you unreasonable for reacting the way you have. I take that to be crying all day? It sounds like you feel quite vulnerable OP. And you mentioned other issues. So maybe you have taken something annoying and unreasonable yes, but taken it far too much to heart. I understand why because you probably feel trapped and powerless. Which is why doing something measured and standing up for yourself, whilst not being unfair, might make you feel more in control. She might well know she crossed a line through irritation. It might be better to stand up for yourself in a measured and calm way than cry all day or let things fester. But only you know the people involved and how they might react and its easy to talk about being calm and measured in the abstract but can be hard in real life. But I'm just saying it is possible to think she's both done you a favour and has attitudes you don't agree with at the same time. You don't need to let it get to you so much. But I understand why it might in your current situation. Good luck OP. Ignore any mean comments on this thread.