Splitting the bill

A skinflint is one of my pet hates! This would immediately put me off a friend if they acted like this !

YABU. If she doesn’t want to pay for tips then that’s up to her. It may be ‘custom’ in that country but it’s not up to people to make up the shit wages of of staff. I feel very strongly about this. If she’s paid for what she’s actually had then fine.

However, she is cheeky for getting in taxis when she’d said she would walk. Just because she said she’d walk, she still had the service. I had this done to me recently and couldn’t believe it when the couple didn’t pay up. So fucking cheeky. They earn about £30k more than we do, no kids, house they rent out, plus live in a mortgage free house that daddy bought. Thought it was ok to swan off after not coughing up £8 for a taxi 😡

Friend who paid should just tell her she is short by 200 dollars or however much as she didn't add tip etc.

Eurgh I hate situations like this. I would always want to just pay as I go to avoid this.

Is it? You go on a trip with others and they say "I'm having champagne, steak and oysters for dinner so no matter what you have we're splitting the bill"?

No - because that’s someone clearly taking the piss the other way. But when you go away with others, there is inevitably some compromise over what you do, which restaurants you go to etc. So - to take your example, there might be a general agreement among the group to order a bottle of champagne. You might normally order Prosecco at £5 a glass, but end up splitting the bottle of champagne at £10 a glass. That’s the sort of thing that’s the cost of socialising in a group - because yes, unless you’re on your uppers, it does look a little mean to say “I’m only going to pay for my own drink and not pay the extra fiver as it wasn’t my choice”. (Especially if, to allude to the taxi situation, you’ve ended up having a glass of said champagne because one was poured for you.) Equally, though, you may really fancy the steak restaurant another night because that’s your favourite- and then your friend who wasn’t so keen might end up with a more expensive bowl of pasta than she might have had left to her own devices. You need give and take in groups.

Your friend is stingy and someone needs to call her out on it. Don't be a doormat

I go away with 5 friends once a year. One of us always pays for everything and then we split evenly at the end. It's just easier. None of us care if one had an extra glass of wine or didn't have a starter or whatever. Analysing every single thing would suck the joy out of it.
I think if you are on a budget then you should say so at the start, pay for yourself and stay out of the shared tab.

Actually I think hostess paying up front for everyone was a huge tactical error.
We use splitwise when we're in a group of friends, but everyone tries to pay for something at the time, so they aren't left with a whopping bill at the end. It all works out the same, but somehow its easier to reconcile yourself to the 200 euro bill for that amazing meal with all the wine and the 100 euros for the brunch on the last day, than get hit with a 300 euro share and no context.

Well, never do this again, for a start.

So is your friend host allowed to now charge you all for heating/electricity/hot water?

Your cheapskate friend is... cheap. And you should call her out on it. The taxis because she didn't want to walk and the lack of tipping. Which is appalling.

Have a kitty and split it. Any 'extras' can be taken care of separately.

If she couldn’t afford it it she could ha ordered fewer drinks, and as she was keeping notes all the way through the holiday in the hope of not spending a penny more than she consumed, she could have ordered cheaper meals.

I hate tipping, but it is tight not to pay them when it’s customary where you’re visiting. It’s even more tight to expect your friends to pay the tip for you.

Paying for taxis you don’t want or need is frustrating, I’ve been that friend before that is happy to walk but the other person wants a taxi. But friendships are about compromise. Sometimes I’ve graciously paid my share of the taxi I didn’t want, other times my friend has offered to pay for the entire cost of the taxi because she knows it’s for her benefit, not mine. It’s a non issue.

OPs friend hasn’t behaved at all graciously. She deliberately ‘forgot’ about a huge proportion of her costs and expected others to suck it up. There is only so much you can claim to be broke when you’re on a foreign holiday because if you’re that broke, you don’t go!

If she got in the taxi, she should pay for it. If she didn't, she does have a point - although you should all have discussed this properly at the time. Same with the tipping - she IBU for doing this after the trip. Although I wouldn't invite her on the next one!

Consider a pass-agg comment in group.

“I didn’t actually drink several nights and am also able to walk but happy to just split because I never mentioned anything at the time and Host Friend has been so kind.”

just let it go
dont ruin your weekend away by niggling over teh bill

Gosh, it sounds awkward all round really. I think though that when you go away with friends, then you should understand that not every decision, be it on what to do, or how money is spent is individual.
You are not in complete control, and will inevitably end up paying for some things that you might have avoided, had you been alone.
It seems obvious that whilst you could reasonably say that you don't wish to partake in a certain activity ( say Bungee jumping for example) and therefore won't be contributing, you can't unilaterally decide to not contribute to smaller generic group holiday costs.

"The fact you got free accommodation makes up for any imbalances."

This is a really good point. Hostess friend will have spent money on breakfasts and any meals and drinks at home, in addition to saving the group the cost of hotel rooms.

If she got in the taxis she should pay, and in general she should suck it up for the god of the group, unless it is well known she is tight for money and she was pushed into spending.

I can't believe you thought this arrangement was a good idea!
If you did most things together then it's ridiculous to itemise everything you did. The bill should be split equally - job done.

The fact you got free accommodation makes up for any imbalances.

If she'd have paid for all of her own things she could have chosen what to or what to not pay for.

But it’s part of the deal of going out with others, surely? Certainly if you’re going on a trip with others

Is it? You go on a trip with others and they say "I'm having champagne, steak and oysters for dinner so no matter what you have we're splitting the bill"?

I think host should split it equally between four and ask for that amount from each of you and it's up to her and CF to sort it out.

What a ridiculous idea this is for paying for stuff on a group trip

there are heaps of cards like revolut or monzo you could all use to pay for stuff and send whoever paid the money at the time of buying.

If she'd have paid for all of her own things she could have chosen what to or what to not pay for.

But it’s part of the deal of going out with others, surely? Certainly if you’re going on a trip with others. People like this are miserable to go out with - and somehow never quite pay their way. The assiduous accounting only ever works in their favour. They don’t want a taxi, so won’t pay for it….but are quite happy to travel in it (and I bet didn’t offer the subway fare or whatever as even part contribution). They offer a cursory amount of petrol money, but wouldn’t tot up the actual cost per mile (think insurance, depreciation, wear and tear on car etc etc).

I have more sympathy for people who are genuinely hard up and really can’t afford to go £20 over budget on a day out or their kids won’t have lunch next week. But then the whole group needs to know this and be on board with sticking to that budget. This woman is just freeloading off others to finance her penchant for expensive purchases and that’s awful.

Was it agreed up front?

It's a real shame when this stuff happens. I've mostly been lucky on my ladies trips and everyone eats and drinks roughly the same stuff.

absolutely* *agree! Am sure most of us have had a skint meal out at some point where you have 1 drink and a pasta, and others in the group have 3 courses and bottles wine/cocktails then expect if not the whole bill split at least the tip!

@MichelleScarn the friend was on a budget to gain from her other friends, but not to put a designer bag on CC, which costs even more because it's on a CC.

She could've of course said to the host, I'll pay using my CC, I'll take the hit on fees (like she did with the bag), to spread the cost?

But she was happy sponging off friends and "forgetting" stuff and buying designer bags.

Some people are materialistic, some have morals.

I wouldn't have let her off the tips - if it's somewhere like US then 20% is standard- we may think it's ridiculous, but thats what all Americans pay.

Now that I think about the taxis, I do think friend who needed them should have paid a more active role. I'd be slightly seething if rather than using cheap public transport, we were constantly forking out for taxis which I did not want to use. Friend who needed them should have offered to pick up the full tab for a few.

It's a real shame when this stuff happens. I've mostly been lucky on my ladies trips and everyone eats and drinks roughly the same stuff.

But she still "forgot" some stuff!

There's one of these "friends" in every group, who like you pull the "but me in the taxi doesn't cost anymore".

It's embarrassing, and perhaps if she put less on CC and interest payments and worried less about her "designer" handbags and more about her friends, she wouldn't have ill feeling towards her now?

Even on a CC, the designer bag still needs to be made for (with interest), you may put this above friends feelings, but luckily the majority don't.