To be worried DD doesn't sleep enough?

All perfectly normal but please don't do the thing of lying with her until she falls asleep. My brother and SiL have an 8 year old they still have to do this with. Falling asleep on her own has now become a massive ominous big thing for her now. Shes tried to have sleepovers with her little school friend staying over but my SiL gets woken up by little friend coming downstairs at 9pm saying "XXXXXX's Mum, XXXXXX is crying and saying she can't do it. Can you come?". Poor Niece is so upset with herself but the ordeal of trying to go to sleep without a parent is just too overwhelming.

You need to get that bit sorted now. You're saying you 'have' to but you don't. It's going to be painful for both of you, but it needs sorting sooner rather than later.

You probably need to start the bedtime routine earlier and be much firmer. DS is nearly 3. He also didn’t sleep until 9 and refused to brush his teeth before 8, but his resistance was a symptom of tiredness. I basically gave him his dinner early & herded up upstairs like a cat, put white noise on, and made him sleep earlier. After two weeks bedtime at 7 became a habit.

@Chamonix
I already said I read the age wrong.
I don't know any almost 5 year olds that nap at weekends? Even barely any four year olds that regularly do it.
Ten hours sleep seems normal at this age to me

My just-turned 5 year old is in bed by 7:30pm, sometimes she goes straight to sleep, sometimes she’s still awake at 8:30/9pm. Never sleeps past 7 whatever time she goes to sleep, and she never seems any the worse for wear after a run of 8:30pm-6:30am nights, so 10 hours isn’t necessarily a cause for concern. Must say I don’t know any 5 year olds still napping, mine dropped all naps at 2 so I’m very jealous!

DD is perfectly happy lying in her bed by herself though so it means we have our evenings, even if it takes her a while to go to sleep. It must be hard if you have to lie there the whole time.

Sorry I haven’t read all so this may have been said but I would say you need to wake her at exactly the same time every morning for a week- earlier than she usually does, around 6.15/30.

then put down at exactly the same
time every night, again earlier than she usually does, aiming for sleep by 7.30 for example. 2 stories, tell me 3 things about your day then lights out. Every single night the same. Eventually this will realign her body clock- and it happens quite quickly if you’re consistent. I am absolutely no expert, but my 5 year is asleep by 7.15pm in the winter. We do have early starts (6.15am) but I’d take those early mornings when she’s generally quite chilled and will watch a bit of tv in my bed or read over fraught evenings as it’s just exhausting isn’t it.

I don’t necessarily think laying with her is the end of the world, she won’t need you to do that forever, and if it’s earlier in the evening it’s more manageable. But I do agree with the comments that it might be your presence actually encouraging her to fight sleep.

I wouldn't suddenly leave her, I would have her bedroom door open and potter around upstairs putting laundry away and tidying and regularly popping in and giving her a kiss and reassuring her you are there.

i really get that kids need diff amounts of sleep but i also think there’s a balance with what you allow/ accept as the norm. I don’t think any 5yr
old should be napping either!
Stop lying down with her, if it takes her an hour to go to sleep, start bedtime earlier. A 5yr old can’t tell the time- lights off latest at 8 at that age.

She's going to scream get up after you etc. Because she's used to you being there and she knows when she does it you give in so next time will cry and kick off longer....that's why I suggested a form of gradual withdrawal you tend to feel less guilty.....but you have to be commited to sticking with it.

Perhaps teach her to read quickly so she can read to herself every night after you've done a bit. Or let her listen to an audiobook in bed for a bit after you've done the bedtime routine. But I wouldn't stay with her. Just make it clear that she knows you're in the house so she feels safe and she can sleep.

Why are you lying next to her until she falls asleep? Of course she isn’t going to sleep any earlier, she probably sees it as bonus time with you. If you could put her in bed at 8:30 or something, and let her read in bed for 20 minutes then lights off. Obviously, she’ll kick off at first but you need to stop laying in bed with her. No wonder you feel knackered .

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz
Okay age wrong, but OPs second post says this:

Is it not?! Some of her friends still nap at weekends and then go to bed by 9 pm.

Where have you got that this is a 6yo who naps?

The OP has a 5yp who dropped their nap at 2yo.

My dd was like this.

By the time she was about 7 she was clearly an owl. Dh is as was his dm. It’s hereditary. In the holidays she’d switch to going later and sleeping later. Left to her self, she’d have gone to bed by about midnight and woken up about 11.

Shes struggled all her life to go to sleep early. As a baby she wasn’t interested in food or milk in the morning, ( until about 12.00 midday)

She used to come alive about 8:00 pm. It was a real pain.

Shes 16 now and still the same

I don't know any 6 year old that still naps, outside perhaps illness?

Take the pressure off her to actually sleep

Up to her room at 7pm, 30mins of reading/chatting, then get her set up with a lamp, some books, even sticker books or pen and paper, her soft toys, and say goodnight.

She needs to appreciate that there is a time of day that she needs to go to bed. Sleep - that can come when she decides to put down the book or Teddy and roll over, but she has to be in her room without you by 7.30.

@Chamonix She is your child, it’s fine if you want to lay with her in the evening, clearly it does work as a calming strategy as she’s calm when you do it and distressed when you don’t.

Its your decision don’t let ransoms on the internet tell you how to raise your child.

10 hours of sleep sounds quite usual. Remember there is a range of "normal".

I think your actual issue is that you don't get an evening as you're staying with her for too long. I agree with others that you tell her you will read a story and then she has to stay in bed until morning. If she gets up, take her back without making eye contact or talking to her. You might want to combine with a reward chart (if she's that way inclined, reward chart on its own might do the trick).

I think some children just need less sleep than others, just like adults. My dd is 8, dropped her nap and 2 and never struggled! She now only need roughly 9-10 hours a night and will happily get up for school at 7.30 after going to sleep at 10pm, she never ever says she's tired or acts tired!

My ds is 14 and has always needed a lot of sleep, he napped until starting school and was regularly in bed by 6.30pm! Even now he hates sleepovers because he can't stand the lack of sleep and you will always fine him in bed by 10om on a school night which is entirely his choice!

If she's not showing signs that she's struggling then she's fine!

Ar some point though, you are actually going to have to do something about this. If it worked, fine! Crack on! But it isn't.

My son is the same age and typically sleeps 8 until 6 - 6:30.

If you want her to go to sleep earlier then you need to wake her up earlier in the mornings consistently to help alter her body clock.

It seems like your bedtime routine is way too long, start it later but make it shorter.