Relationship age gaps

I did a check back as also thought the same thing. Instead of calling BS maybe check aswell??

Yep really creepy.

I had a few age gap relationships as a teen, incl 15 and 21, 17 and 42 and its only really once I got older I realised how wrong these really were, I thought them to be ok at the time.

I think it's such an individual thing. I was 17 and DP was 28 when we got together. We've been together 9 years, have children, bought a house. We're happy.

Would I be happy if one of my daughters met a 28 year old man when she was 17? Absolutely not, I would struggle to understand his intentions, even though it's worked out for us.

I don't know if the age gap will become an issue in the future but we'll work through it if it does, I hope.

That’s sad to hear. My DH is 11 years older than me and it’s not an issue, he is 72 and still doing some work (university academic), loves to travel etc.

I had a relationship with someone 10 years older than me when I was 17. All his friends were around his age and when he found out I was 17 he nearly didn't ask me out.
We were together for 7 years and we only broke up because I wasn't ready to get tied down.
Most of my friends have married or settled down with men much older than they are. Many of them began dating when the younger person was 16 or 17.
Age is just a number. Someone in their 40s can be less responsible and grown-up than someone who is 20.

It’s creepy that someone would try and pretend a teacher sleeping with a 17 year old student is fine. Then use their own, fake, situation to prove it.

Cher, 76, is dating a 36 year old man at the moment which I find ick (and I would find it ick the other way around too).

Yep, sounds like BS to me, I am fairly certain I saw this poster on another thread yesterday talking about being in their 60s

DH is 7 years older than me, and it has never been an issue until now. He is nearly 71 and seems to have become an old man overnight. He doesn't want to do much other than take long walks and go to the pub. I still want to go to the theatre, eat out, see bands and do other fun things.

He is also beginning to have various age related health issues.

I think the biggest concern about larger age gaps is that quite possibly both parties could be in a different stage of their life. And like above posters have mentioned I would question any adult in their late 20s being in a relationship with teenager.

DH has talked about larger age gaps before and seemed to come up with quite a sensible rule. Half the older person's age and add seven years. So for example is a 25 year old decided to date a 20 year old that would sit a lot more comfortably then if the younger partner was 18 for example.

I feel differently about this as I get older.

It also changes again when you get to the retirement bracket. I have a friend 6 years younger than her partner, it's one of those age gaps that is big as a teenager/early 20s, but is pretty inconsequential most of your adult years. However, she has really struggled since he hit retirement age, she's just not mentally ready for that yet, they're very comfortably well off and he wants to travel etc but she doesn't feel "done" at work, but feels she can only work part time/temporary contracts because he's ready to travel now and with his health can't guarantee this for long. So whilst this is likely a personality/circumstance issue too, I think it shows the age gap can become an issue again later in life.

I feel differently about this as I get older. Being the younger partner doesn’t bother me until I reach the age of the older partner - I’ve been 15 dating a 18yo, 18 dating a 25 yo, and 20 dating a 27yo. All seemed fine at the time but I would never have dated someone that much younger when I was that age.

Went the other way for a bit after that and was 33 dating a 26yo, which made me a bit uncomfortable too. I clearly just enjoy having shared cultural childhood experiences!

I did have a friend that I distanced myself from when she very much set out to start seeing an 18 year old when she was 31.

She had a string of failed relationships and she told me she could 'mold' the perfect partner. He wasn't a mature 18 year old either, came across more like 16.

She'd have him doing jobs around the house and driving her and her young daughter everywhere, she said he'd do anything she told him as he loved the sex. He still lived at home with parents.

I found out later the relationship lasted about a year and the lad went off the rails with a drug issue, his family moved him away from her in the end. Awful.

When I was 17 I was in a relationship with a 32 year old man. He absolutely worshipped me. Wanted to marry me and have babies. I wanted to go out and get pissed and party. I ghosted him in the end, because I was 17 and didn’t know how to be a mature person and end the relationship properly. I still feel really bad about it all. His family loved me too. His dad was not very happy about my age. I still think about him and hope he is well.
I met my husband when I was 26 and he was 34. Been married 3 years now and very happy.

I met DH when I was 17, he was 28. So that might sound bad - and he was also the teacher in a work training school and I was one of the pupils

That doesn't sound bad, it IS bad. Gross.

Typo "are" not "act",

I think it depends on the people involved and where they are act in terms of life experiences and emotional maturity.

The archetypal scenario is the 'older' man with the 'younger' woman. Let's say the age-gap is 10/12 years.
Now that's OK when they are 20/30 or 30/40 because the younger partner has the advantage of the chap being much further advanced in his career than the husbands of her peers. So she gets the big house, 2 cars, can afford designer clothes etc and has the luxury of not working.
When they get to 55/65 the older man is thinking of retirement while the younger women still has plenty of get-up-and-go.
At 65/75+ the older man is starting with health problems and in the years beyond that the younger woman becomes an unpaid carer.

I have some friends in their 70s who married 'older' men who now spend their time ferrying them to outpatients clinics/doctors appointments/collecting their medication (and making sure they take it) have had to have the house reorganised so they can sleep downstairs, dealing with incontinence etc etc.

You pays your money, as they say...

That’s weird. Pretty sure you were on the ‘alpha male’ thread talking about your exhusband and how he was an awful husband and father. And that you were no longer with him.

So you had 2 husbands?

At 18 I dated someone who used to be my teacher (kind of, he was support staff really and maybe covered a lesson for me once the entire time I was at school). I left at 16. He is 17 years older. I’m in my thirties now, we’re still friends. I don’t think we wanted different things (fairly casual), though he only referred to me as being his girlfriend once we broke up 😂

I met a 43 year old woman when I was 28. We married and it lasted for 16 years. The failure of the relationship had nothing to do with the age gap.

Every relationship is different and needs to be judged on its own merits. Blanket statements help nobody.

I think it should be illegal fir anyone over 21 to have sex with anyone under 18.

I also think it should be illegal for anyone over 30 to have sex with someone under 21 if they fall into a vulnerable category eg learning disability, autistic, homeless, care leaver, anyone they've been in a position of power with eg ex teacher, coach, boss or landlord.

I think each to their own after all same age relationships fail aswell .
I do agree it's unlikely to last if one party is teenage / very young but once both are over 30 it's fine , with the exception of a younger man with an older woman if he wants kids . But then he'd surely factor that in .

You absolutely can judge by the numbers.

A 28 yr old seeking 'comfort' from a 17 yr old? Right 🙄

Look, I'm glad you've never had an 'unhappy day', I really am, but you're not going to know the difference. Your view of what is 'normal' in a relationship was formed at 17 when someone in a position of power needed your 'comfort'.
At the end of the day, these stories are not so different 🤷‍♀️

Agree with @CJsGoldfish .

At the other end of range, I've seen a few age gap relationships fall apart when the oldest partner hits 60+ and suddenly moves from middle to old age, and the younger partner goes off with someone their own age.

Is it a huge warning sign, if the older partner can’t relate to people of their own age? Just genuinely less mature emotionally?

Absolutely it's a warning sign but perhaps 'can't relate' is not the right wording.

If an older partner is shunned by those his own age, perhaps because they see right through them, then they're going to look for someone who doesn't have the same life experience to know something isn't quite right