Relationship age gaps

But it goes both ways

I’d have not touched a 16 year old when I was 16, I enjoy sex and most boys under 18 are a bit shit from personal experience. So would actively pursue older men so I’d not end up unsatisfied.

There are always exceptions, but until people are in their mid 20s, think age gaps can be a real problem. Have met many women with older partners they met while they were in their late teens and am appalled at how the relationships work and how abusive and/or unequal they are.

Do you not think you looked better at 16 than 30?

Many are sexually actively at 16, why is that gross?

Yes, they are ideally having sex with other teenagers. If an adult is having sex with a teenager, said adult is a predator and - oddly enough - people have an issue with that.

Aaaand thanks for proving my point @ApplePieFry!

If you would consider a 16 year old more attractive than an attractive 30 year old, that’s on you. You’re an ephebophile (quite literally)

Yeah most teens who are sexually active are so with other teens not grown men.

Many are sexually actively at 16, why is that gross?

I think a lot on here get caught up with the word relationship, when most in their mid teens - mid 20s are more open to casual relationships, which makes age less of a factor in terms of maturity, as you’re often not sitting up discussing politics

SIXTEEN ???!!! 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

How old you are you?!!!?

People are often deemed less attractive as they age.

Its a bit silly to claim a 30 year old will be more physically attractive than an 18 year old on the most part

16-20 year olds are often peak attractiveness

If you’re an ephebophile.

Still not a crime though is it.

Also many people date to shag, 16-20 year olds are often peak attractiveness.

An adult of either gender who is over 26-27ish and interested in dating anyone in the 16-19 age bracket has something wrong with them.

Well adjusted adults do no date children. Full stop.

Because people on mumsnet are nuts.

Why would you call the police?

what would they do?

there is no crime, you’d just be waiting time

Yes but most people who say they’re “mature for their age” are really not mature for their age, it’s a pretty obnoxious thing to say about yourself.

This is bloody awful. I'd be heartbroken if you were my daughter. And my dad would have ripped your teacher a new one.

Just because you're still together, it doesn't make what happened 'right'

So much wrong with the dynamics of how you got together.

I'm guessing your home life wasn't a bed of roses.

Yes obviously it matters. An under 18 shouldn't be with anyone over 19 in my opinion. I'd call the police on a 27yo dating a 17yo.

I'm 27. That's disgusting. A 17yo is a young child to me!

After 25 I think people can do whatever they like. Early 20s I'd say 10 years is the max for an appropriate relationship. Preferably 5 or less.

The poster says she's 63 and been with her DH 20 years in a different post and that her XH was awful, not sure how this 28 yo teacher fits in that she's still with. All a bit bizarre. Totally happy to not judge and listen to people's RL experiences. My DH is 13 yrs older than me, I was 25 and he was 38. A reacher/student under 18 is wrong in any circumstances.

I moved in with my much older boyfriend at 18 and thought I was mature for my age but looking back I really wasn’t.

You're not everybody though.
Some people mature much quicker than others.
Some people grow and develop whilst in their relationship.
Others are in relationships - familial or sexual - that hold them back from maturing healthily.

From a moral perspective, I have no problem with people dating at ANY age as long as it is between two consenting adults of age. A 16 or 17-year-old with a 40-year-old, no problem morally. It IS weird though I wouldn't begrudge anyone doing it. I always want to know what is in it for both parties though. I find the idea of a sugar-baby to be gross, especially when there is a wealth factor involved. I would wonder why an older person would be with a younger person (i.e. what do they have in common? they are at totally different stages in life). I would also wonder why a younger person would want to be with a wrinkly old prune who has done all their living already.

That said, it works for some people.

I do think there is an issue re: gender though. If its 50-year-old man dating a 20-year-old woman, that seems to be a problem. But if it's a 50-year-old woman dating a guy in his early 20s, people don't seem to be half as judgmental.

So all in all, yes its a bit weird but I say live-and-let-live as long as people have the ability to consent.

You must realise that the ‘shitty old patriarchy’ is the reason that the younger (generally also smaller, weaker and less financially stable) female partner and older male partner trope is so normalised? The reason why there are so many relationships of this kind abound?

You still have a 17 year olds brain it doesn’t matter how dysfunctional your childhood was. I moved in with my much older boyfriend at 18 and thought I was mature for my age but looking back I really wasn’t.

This is a very valid point.

Some people in here won't let their 17 year old get the bus home from work. Others have joined the army.

Having a hard childhood doesn’t make you a ’grown up’. It doesn’t hasten the development of your frontal lobe or give you adult perspective. It just makes you a traumatised child.