Bizarre incident on train...

Exactly this.

I read through every response on this thread last night and tbh many comments freaked me out! I have to assume some of the posters are fake as surely no one honestly thinks the OP acted unreasonably. Nuts.

I would rather me and my DD and all my other female relatives be perceived as rude if it means avoiding potentially threatening situations. Who knows if this was one of those situations, we weren't there, but why take the risk, ever!

@Charlize43 that's lovely

Ditto. ^This.

As a Londoner, I smile and talk to many people as I go about my day. Some people appreciate a good natter, while others obviously don't want to talk or automatically 'think you are after something.' Some people get totally the wrong impression, I remember once a man telling me that his hotel room was 5 minutes away and if I wanted to come back! I laughed, and told him that I had something else to do, but thanks. Clearly, if someone doesn't want to talk, then I leave them alone.

On the whole, most people are friendly and kind, and like that someone has shown interest and appreciate social interaction. After all, humans are social animals. A little chat often brings a smile to a face and makes people feel less alone, especially if they are alone.

I'm often the woman, you see crouched down in the street talking to homeless people. I will offer to get them a sandwich or a bottle of water. I don't give money. Sometimes all they want to do is talk or are grateful that someone has stopped to acknowledge them and that they are there.

I do think it is sad as I get older (I'm 55) that people seem to be more taciturn, suspicious, colder, even hostile. I do find it funny how some people get affronted if you so much as say good morning and smile at them! It's sad, very sad. I doesn't have to be a cold world.

Personally, you could have been more gracious and said something like, 'It's been a long day and I would just like a moment to myself." rather than getting your knickers in a twist. I think the girls probably thought you were over reacting.

There's a lot of hostility in some of these responses.

Whenever I hear someone say, 'London is such a cold place' I always ask them how many people they talked to that day.

Because no woman could possibly ever have a pleasant interaction with a complete stranger. 😂 They're all waiting to throw you in the back of a van.

He wasn't reading anything.

There are several empty seats on her right but man decides to seat really close to woman.

Hell of a drip feed there, hours after this thread started. Did the women who were sitting next to you previously also decide to sit really close to a woman? Or did all concerned just use the seats provided?

Fighting rude with rude just makes the world more rude. However I have a short temper so would have probably said something similar. However as an educator I've found if you want to change the behaviour of people it's best to engage with the behaviour but without judgement. That being said after teaching all day I am not always up for extra work.

I'm finding the people bringing gender into this interesting. Would it have been more acceptable for a woman to be sitting next to OP? Less acceptable if OP had been rude to a woman and it was a woman who was sitting next to her asking about the photo?

I find it fascinating how a man asking such a simple question can be turned into him being a sex pest invading someones personal space when they are sat on public transport. It's kinda incredible that no one can just talk to someone anymore.
I think the girls response is amazing because we should always highlight people being unnecessarily rude to someone and I hope they would have done the same if the man was actually rude to the OP.

OP was right to move a way if uncomfortable but I don't see the need to be unnecessarily rude to anyone be it male or fema

I'm really 😱 at all the people saying you were rude tbh. He was reading your phone, which is bad enough but then to be so blatant by questioning you about it?! Huge red flag, entitled creep. I'd have felt exceptionally uncomfortable in the same situation and because I'm ND, would have been far more snarky in my response. You absolutely weren't in the wrong here.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

I don't get what is "too close for comfort" in the context of the tube. Those seats are small and close together so that as soon as you sit down you are shoulder to shoulder and can see what is on someone's phone or in their book or magazine just by turning your head. You really can't be precious about personal space if you travel on the London Underground.

My first thought was he may have SN/not be neurotypical. And there are ways of responding more neutrally if someone is bothering you which reduces the risk of an aggressive response if you’re a woman travelling alone.
A stranger complimented my knitting on the tube yesterday and I ended up asking him what he did to relieve stress - surfing! (A bit trickier in c.London)

Sorry onlythreenow , I've just seen you didn't use the word threatened.

But my point still stands about the wider context because he didn't just ask her a question did he.

Why are you not looking at the entire context of what happened? You've skipped over the details and focused on just one word: "threatened". If you read the OP's posts properly then you will see that he purposefully chose to sit next to OP despite there being several empty seats. He then proceeded to keep "accidentally" touching OP, resulting in him invading her space. If OP felt threatened then she felt threatened and you have no right to minimise her feelings.

You're basically suggesting that OP's choice of the word "threatened" is dramatic, and that is one reason why so many young girls and women sit through uncomfortable encounters. Because they are wondering if they're being dramatic. If something doesn't feel right then it doesn't feel right.

This is LONDON we're talking about! You don't look anyone in the eye in public, let alone speak to them!!
In any other city in the UK it would be different.

I 100% agree with you. To smile politely etc just makes their behaviour acceptable. I went home the other night from the pub as a drinker man wandered over like they do and plonked himself at our table and started the 'hello love' routine to which I ignored him. My friend who is too naive and polite didn't ignore him and politely smiled. Therefore he thought it was perfectly ok to stay. Continuing to try and get my attention 'smile love, Oi love! What's up with you love'

In the end it was pissing me off so much I just went home. I didn't ask for that drunken twat to plonk himself at our table, had we all ignored him or been rude he may have fucked off. However because one person was polite it gave him the green light in his head that he was acceptable and therefore could carry on.

I would have moved away immediately. I wouldn't have said anything - I would just have left and moved into a different carriage.

I'm surprised at the response of the two women you describe, never had that on a tube or train before.

@JudithHarper ”I don’t wait for sluggerbeds” is my new favourite phrase 😁

OP, I think you were very ballsy in what you said - I probably wouldn’t have been so direct, I’m actually in awe…

It can be uncomfortable at first but a silent response can be deafening.

Freaks em out!

You were rude but so was he.

I had something like this recently.

i was at a social event, and a guy I’ve never met before was asking me what I do

I have an online business, told him briefly about it and then moved the conversation on

he then wanted to know the name of said business so he could look it up. I politely declined and said I liked to refrain from talking about work too much at social events.

he wouldn’t take no for answer!! He kept bugging me, kept asking me why I wouldn’t tell him, started insulting me and saying how I must not be proud of it if I didn’t want to show him etc etc

I was so taken aback. I’d never met this guy before, and he seemed to think think he had a right to private information about me I didn’t want to give him, and to harass me when I has said no several times.

in the end I asked him if he always ignored it when a woman said no

that finally got him to leave me alone.

I don’t think YABU OP

This.

Wow.

Enough 'proof' for you.

As a person who has a 21 year old autistic brother who would do something like this because he thinks everyone is super friendly and wouldn't understand what he did wrong. I think you were rude too.