Bizarre incident on train...

Actually I want to apologise for my ‘let it go now’ comment. It sounds dismissive as clearly OP you came on here to get a sense of the boundaries in this situation. I’ve also reflected a bit more on perhaps how I have probably normalised how I think a woman ‘should’ respond in this situation in an ideal world. Ie don’t be rude , behave as an adult , don’t escalate . It all does feel so minimising.

A stranger making friendly conversation on a train is one thing, looking over at someone’s phone and then asking them about their personal photos is another. It is intrusive behaviour and was quite rightly unwelcome. I don’t agree the behaviour to then ask about the photo was reasonable. I don’t agree that giving any vague details about it being an exhibition is wise as it then leads to more questions. In hindsight just saying ‘ just my private photos’ in a neutral adult tone and then put your phone away in your bag may have prevented the defensive girls. I don’t know ages or whether perhaps also their response is a generation thing. Some people share so much these days to millions via social media - perhaps that’s normal to them ?

People do use phones for work purposes also so overlooking could mean seeing something confidential to that organisation or private details about someone. It’s entirely different to just starting up a friendly chat.

I imagine you are not normally a rude person but reacted the way you did as you were a bit shocked and this was your first instinctive response which is understandable. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Just let it go now.

She didn't over react and she hasn't been verbally aggressive to anyone here.

What he did WAS weird, and if you don't know that, I fear for your ability to keep yourself safe and teach your children appropriate behaviour.

A man got too close to a random woman and made her uncomfortable, and you are telling her she was wrong to be unhappy about that, and say so. Re-calibrate, and fast.

You asked how others would react to this experience then go on to be verbally aggressive to everyone who thinks you over reacted....maybe don't ask if you don't want to know. Because not everyone reacts aggressively, it doesn't mean we are oppressed or making excuses for a weirdo. I don't think what he did was weird....you do...so guess it was your call. If you react aggressively you tend to get the same back.

site like a rash, that should read. Not sight. My eyes do not have spots.

To the poster who recommended the 'Railway Guardian' app.

A million thanks to you for the single-handed most valuable piece of information on this thread. Every lone female traveller would be well advised to download it. There IS a problem on trains at the moment; this observation is not just anecdotal.

To any women posting here, who are perhaps in two minds about this situation, or who think rudeness/selfishness are the least desirable attributes in a female, and/or don't know that MRAs are all over this sight like a rash. Reread through a few pages, and ask yourself precisely who stands to gain from women having the brass neck to maintain their personal boundaries. Consider that men won't generally approach lone women other than in an innocuous sense: 'morning', if they happen to be next to you in a reserved seat, or 'do you know if they've changed the platform for the London to Plymouth?' A decent man wanting an exchange of pleasantries approaches another man, or someone who isn't on their own. A decent man takes the cues when a lone woman makes it clear she doesn't want a conversation.

If you're awake, you'll be convinced. Once seen can't unsee.

I just tried to find the tiktok video of a young girl in Liverpool being harassed & intimidated by a man on the bus. She is helped by a group of very loud girls who shout, video and hassle him until he leaves. Or as the PPs on here would have it, "were very rude to an innocent man who was only trying to be friendly and probably had LD".

Sadly I couldn't find it among the MILLIONS and MILLIONS of videos and news items about girls and women assaulted and harassed on public transport.

Honestly "RUDE" ffs. Have a word with yourselves.

I can’t believe all the weird answers on here. They must have a screw loose. Of course it was bloody rude of the weirdo to get too close and lean over and look at your phone and ask you questions. He had a fecking cheek.

I had a horrible experience about four years ago after visiting my sister in hospital. I had a long train journey with at least two trains to get home. I was in the first carriage, which was totally empty, and someone came in and sat opposite me. This immediately made me uncomfortable because he had the whole carriage to choose a seat from. He was an Asian guy of about 30 or less and I was 67. He then proceeded to sit next to me and then leant over to me and said “kiss me”. I said NO! He then said sorry and I got up and walked through to the next carriage. I decided to get off at the next stop even though I had a long way to go, but when I was waiting by the doors I looked through the window at the end of the carriage and saw that he was getting off at that station, which freaked me out even more, so I then sat down. I then walked through until there was a carriage that had women in and not just men. It made me worried to go on a train again. but I have been on a train lots of times since then.

Confused162 I think you really are confused. How was she rude? The person leaning over and looking at her phone was the rude one FFS! And the two girls who interfered were out of order and wrong to say that she was the rude one. I would have got off at the next stop and got into another carriage or walked through the carriage to another one.

We need to normalise "rudeness" from women to predatory men.....the more we push back the less they are able to get away with.

Given the amount of pearl-clutching on this thread about the apparent rudeness of the words "'That is my phone and there is something called privacy'' on this thread, may I respectfully suggest, OP, that if this type of thing occurs again you just say "Fuck off, wanker" and really earn the title of Rudest Woman Ever?

Conniptions would abound I'm sure.

I agree. My DH has been telling me just to ignore aggressive men but I am not going to.

ZERO TOLERANCE

Perfect! For all you ladies in the back saying #benice - ZERO TOLERANCE!

Wow, the misogyny is coming from inside the house loud on this one!

I've been harassed a lot when younger, like most women. As an older woman, I still get harassed, but it is more aggressive, than sexual.

One time stands out distinctly to me. I was on a train to London, returning to Uni from the north. This middle age man came up to me and sat next to me. I was in one of those 2 seaters. He plonked down and said "I don't know if you prefer coffee, or coke, so I got both". So, he had walked past me, spotted me, gone to the restaurant car, and come back. How calculating is that.

I remember telling myself things like; it's rude if you don't take the drink, rude if you don't speak to him, be polite etc. I drank the coffee. I felt I owed him convo for the drink. The journey was 3 hours. The conversation was asking all about me and my studies etc. I noticed his wedding ring. I reckon he was mid 40's. As few got closer to London he upped it and said "I can see that you have walls and I want to smash those walls down". He then asked me to go to a hotel for a drink. I said no, my brother is waiting for me at the station to take me home. He got really aggressive with me saying things like "you think you are too good for me" and that I was a ''tease".

I don't know how I got away from him TBH, but I still think about this now, 30 years later.

As a 50 year old woman, I can recount many more incidents like this one in my life. Once when working as a Tour Rep in Spain, I lived with 4 other girls. They all went out and a young local guy knocked on my door and pulled his jogging bottoms down and exposed himself to me and said something. I pushed past him and he grabbed my T shirt collar so forcefully that it ripped down the back. I ran down the stairs into the street and started screaming and he ran off. I went to the police and they did nothing, saying I had met him in a bar.

It is only as an adult, in my 30's then 40's and now 50's that I have woken up to the fact that many, many men are just awful. I now go about my day interacting with the ones I love, and having as little to do with the others as possible.

Even as a 50-year old, I still get comments and PA snide remarks from complete male strangers and I am f*cking sick of it.

I would have shut tbe conversation down but not used the language of the OP. Which, yes, I think is unnecessarily rude. And which, having taken the tube for tbe last x40 years, could readily see escalating a situation

Northern lasses are perfectly capable of spotting a creep who sits too close and noses into their phone, though. And more than capable of telling them to fuck off or of cheering on another woman who’d done the same.

You did the right thing and I am teaching my daughters the same. If a strange man makes you uncomfortable be LOUD because politeness is a killer.

Yes, we all know when men are being creepy. It's fairly obvious.

Man asks, "Excuse men, where is platform 3?" "It's over there. "Thank you." Not creepy. Perfectly civil encounter.

Man sits too close, even when other seats are available? That's a red flag, right there. And if he then goes and sits too close and fidgets, rubbing up against you - No.

That's not learning difficulties or social difficulties - that's a perve or a crook.

Welcome. And thanks for the other posts.

We HAVE to defend our boundaries, and it's hard enough without other women trying to convince us to ignore our instincts.

We all know, really, when a man is being creepy or not. We must not ever ignore that for fear of being seen as rude or nasty. Safety is always more important than politeness!

The rules are fairly simple: 1. don't look anyone in the eye, and 2. don't show any expression on your face no matter what happens.

Difficult being private in a public space, with care in the community there are many wandering around us with all sorts of mental problems

The man who wrote the gift of fear, gavin de Becker? Actually says (multiple times) you should be rude, the alternative is much worse <<<<paraphrasing.