Bizarre incident on train...

I commute on the tube twice a day every day.

Most people are friendly and I have had endless conversations with strangers - men, women, kids - on tubes. They might flag the book I’m reading, the bags I’m carrying, I have had people see the music I’m listening to on my phone etc and comment. Anything visual can be used to begin a light hearted chat and often is.

I have also spoken to a lot of people with noticeable mental health problems on public transport and those who I suspect of criminal undertakings.

I am respectful and polite to everyone.

About a decade ago a man got stabbed to death on my local bus because he asked another person to stop throwing chips at his girlfriend.

You have no idea who you’re dealing with so personally, even if simply from a safety perspective, I would be calm, respectful and polite to everyone.

Also, I like to chat! I enjoy interacting with people on public transport and my positive experiences far outweigh the negatives.

My default response to this type of bullshit rarely lets me down

Random man "Dumb assed comment"
Me (surprised) "are you talking to me?"
Random man "Yes"
Me (Genuine confusion) "Why?"
If they actually respond to that (and some fuckers do) then a follow-up from me of "Yeah, please don't talk to me." Does the trick.

Again, it depends whether the female passengers were being reasonable or not.

If other female passengers gave you a telling off, that's enough for me to prove you were rude.

Don' t come to a forum asking for opinions if you think yours is the only, and right one.

^ That. I'm with the young women opposite who took OP to task.

OP was pointlessly snippy. In a public space of course people can see what's on your phone, whether they want to or not. It may defy convention to start a conversation but there are so many confident civil ways to finish one.

You did nothing wrong. We don't owe anyone our time and more often than not, men strike up conversations because they want our number etc

This thread is one step away from “He probably didn’t have a phone of his own, you should have given him yours and apologised for your phone privilege”.

It would definitely have made me feel uncomfortable but would probably have ignored and moved away (mainly because I wouldn’t have had the balls to say what you said though!)

Although generally I am a bit edgy anyway - a guy went to talk to me on the tube the other day and I was ready to make a swift change of seats and then he just told me I should turn my engagement ring the other way round when I got off at Canning Town because there’s some not very nice people around 🤦🏽‍♀️ then I felt bad for being quick to judge but you just never know! Lately I’ve discovered a new front of harassment from men in the form of them air dropping dick pics whilst on the tube - only takes opening one to learn your lesson 🤢

The only circumstances where I could find the man’s behaviour acceptable: you said you were looking at videos. Was the audio being played without headphones? If so, perhaps he was making a point that you were being rude and unsociable.

If not, ignore and he was just pushing appropriate social boundaries.

Yes they could have been in it together for a distraction crime. Or just idiots

Depends what kind of people were commenting. We can't take those girls' words as gospel really, can we?

He was probably from outside London and was very brave even trying to have a conversation. I have to say I find London a very unfriendly place to visit, and have been there enough times to know not to speak to anyone unless I need to. He’s clearly a newbie to your city.

Why are women always pulled up on being rude as if it’s really heinous
we are socialised to be nice don’t be rude. Expected to be nice. Nice = passive
look the op can and should To protect her own space & privacy. She’s down nothing wrong

I think if you were so rude other people are commenting on it then you probably were very fucking rude indeed.

I come from an alternate version of London where people do occasionally talk to strangers without it being seen as an affront to human dignity. We have a tube system too but it sounds a bit nicer than yours.

Men who really want to bother you though will tap your shoulder, wave in your face, take the headphones off your head. Fuckers.

I was at a and e for a fracture. I was in the waiting room with everyone else waiting for my name to be called. A bloke came in after me but was wired. About 10 minutes later he ask me to let the staff know he had gone for a smoke. I said ok then, off you pop. He disappeared off, his name was not called, but when he came back he tried to talk to me. I told him to not talk to me and he just had a bewildered expression. The woman sat next to me gave me a look and started up conversation with him. I moved to a different seat.
I ended up being the bad guy but I just wanted my bloody fracture sorting, i was in pain and unwilling to talk to a total stranger. I'm not everyone's mother, it's not my job to entertain randoms in a and e.

Btw this was months ago and I'm still pissed off at both of them. Him for trying to make me entertain him and her for being such a pushover. She was obviously being kind, but why.
Anyways cathartic writing all that out, maybe I'll be able to forget it now.

For anyone who thinks that what the OP said was rude but suggested just getting up and moving seats - surely that is even ruder?! If you think this man deserves courtesy, then surely you can't think just walking away from someone trying to start a conversation is less rude than what the OP said.

It's all very subjective though isn't it?

Why did the girls in the carriage laugh at you?

Maybe they thought you were the one out of order.

Talking of invading your space etc. Without being there, it's hard to visualise. Was he so close his legs touched yours?

The point is- which you are missing- is that t's possible to give men the brush off without coming over as a bit of a headcase.

Clearly, you are taking this to heart by calling it 'bizarre' and coming to a forum to ask for comments.

That makes me think you doubted your response.

I think you were both as bad as each other.

He was being a bit nosy, but not threatening from what you said. Maybe he lacks social skills and doesn't understand a woman may feel uneasy.

You over-reacted and behaved as if he was doing something awful rather than perhaps just passing the time.

Do you travel on the tube much?

I would probably have given a very short reply, put my phone away and changed carriages when approaching the next station.

I think it was really rude of him to look at your phone but I have to admit that op suggested someone with a mild LD or similar.

I can't believe what I'm reading here!

It is UTTERLY rude to peer at someone's phone over their shoulder, even more so if it's a stranger! Yet it's the OP that's rude?

And she should turn her phone off?

Wait to switch seats at the next station?

Get OFF at the next station (not her stop) if she was uncomfortable??

Because she shouldn't offend the rude stranger??

And I'm northern and speak to lots of people when out, I just don't invade their privacy or make them feel uncomfortable.

I get the safety aspect but yet again, women being blamed for the fact a man might attack them as if she's a silly girl with no common sense to know if she's in danger, but also being told to stay sitting next to him and be friendly otherwise it's rude of HER?

Piss off.

He was wrong to look at your phone, but you were weirdly aggressive about it. If you don’t want to talk, just say so.

I live in Scotland and 99% of folk chatting on public transport are just normal (but chatty) people. Some might be a bit odd, a bit lonely and lacking social cues maybe, but honestly folk just chat about anything and everything.

So no, I wouldn't respond the way you did, I wouldn't want to, and if I genuinely thought he had nefarious purposes I'd remove myself from the situation rather than bite his head off.

I wouldn't be absolutely and utterly furious about someone looking at my phone though, if I'm scrolling through it on a busy tube.

In short, I can't really relate to any of your post at all.

I’m incredibly surprised that the girls said anything. Not talking to strangers is normal on the tube.