Bizarre incident on train...

Some of these posts are so depressing. I smile when I am feeling good and/or well disposed towards another human being. I certainly don't smile to appease strangers who are annoying me. But that probably makes me a 'miserable cow' in the eyes of some on here.

Question to those on this thread ordering women to smile. Would you say the same thing to a man?

I wonder if he had a hidden disability? Being direct and not understanding social boundaries can often go along with these conditions.

We should be understanding of people who have hidden disabilities, but that understanding stops when a woman feels or is threatened. Their rights, do not usurp the rights of women to feel and be safe.

You must be a bloke, please God no way a woman just told another to smile. Why didn’t you add “she’d be prettier” too?

Posted too soon...

Or, at least, that's what I wish i did, I wish I didn't put up with any nonsense. As soon as someone chooses a seat next to me when they could have chosen an empty one I wish I would move instead of put up with the discomfort. It's happened to me many times and I always regret not moving straight away.

I'm sure I read that women are more likely to be attacked if they don't look back at the person following them. Based on that, in my mind, I think being 'rude' to a man like this would serve a woman better than answering him. I don't think the be passive in case he kicks off advice would is helpful.

The only thing I agree on from the pp that think OP was rude is that OP should move away as soon as she's uncomfortable. Or, at least, that's y6

Can I strongly suggest you never come up north. People actually talk to each other up here and don't presume everyone is a wrong'un.

I can't believe we're still talking about this 6 days later! Is this really that deep it needed 700 replies?! And I say this as someone on the OP's side (haven't read past like page 10 though).

Well said @MarieIVanArkleStinks

Bizarre incident?

Yes, it is bizarre in this day and age that a stranger should dare to strike up conversation with someone and make polite small talk, rather than stare blankly at their screen. Even more bizarre that a man in this day and age should dare to, heaven forbid, speak to a woman.

Bizarre, but sad it is seen as such :(

There are so many wacky people on London transport that I probably would not have answered as you did for fear of poking the bear. Not that there is anything wrong with what you said.

Oh, kinell. The blokes have landed.

Because who else would actively encourage women to ignore their innate danger signals and urge them instead to 'just be nice?' What possible motive would anyone have for appearing in droves to tell women off for daring to step outside their box? Who, specifically, stands to benefit from keeping the status quo precisely as it is?

Is it women? Is it fuck.

There was very good reason for the OP to react that way, the bloke made OP uncomfortable. It wasn't rude, she was setting her boundary.

She did not invite conversation; he was very rude in asking about her personal pictures, like a "I'm watching you" vibe, so he clearly doesn't respect boundaries.

If he was a decent person, he would have immediately apologised.

Fucking hell.

Don't go out in public at all, eh?

probable hidden disability

Oh ffs.

The message you're putting across is:

Women! Ignore your discomfort! Make excuses for men's poor behaviour lest you be thought of as RUDE! I'm a much nicer person than you. See how kind and caring I am. Not towards women though. Only men.

As a PP said- we should all be so 'rude'
Unless of course someone dares to be ruled to them having misinterpreted their intention.

That if course becomes totally unacceptable and deserving of a thread 'why did that guy thought it was ok to be so rude to me just because he thought I was going to take his place when I wasn't'

I trust the OP who was there, better than you, who was not to know whether the man was getting inappropriately and deliberately close to her. In real life you can tell if someone the difference between someone who is creepy or disabled. It's just the usual MN red herring to put women back in their place. No man can possibly be annoying, intrusive, creepy, they all have to have a hidden disability 🙄.

Women do not normally try and help each other out if a man is genuinely threatening. In fact in all the cases when it's happened to me they and the men have looked the other way, out of the window, studying their shoes etc.

This!

Except she wasn't traumatised. She was pissed off, which she is entitled to be.

And given the number of women defending the creepy bloke, I'm not at all surprised there are women in real life that defended him. I've had women defend the guy when I was physically assaulted in the office. Like you, they couldn't believe the account of a woman over a man. It means nothing.

If you look at them, that is their invitation to engage.

Agree

I hate it when people are rude to people for no good reason. Someone makes a comment, it's polite to be nice back. If you feel uncomfortable you can politely and subtly get up and move away. There is no need for rudeness.

Why can't people just be nice. Smile. Why the need for rudeness. Glad I never dared to smile, say hi or make comment to you OP.

The other women in the carriage didn't seem very bothered and actually thought she was rude. That's very telling.

It's not at all 'telling'- although you're clearly hoping it's the 'gotcha' statement that will prove you're right.

It just means that they felt the same way as some of the people on this thread. People with poor boundaries. People who are desperately keen to be seen to 'Be Kind'. People who believe themselves to be so streetwise and cool.

It's irrelevant what other people think they would have said or done. In the moment, the OP felt uncomfortable enough to assert her boundaries. Firmly. Not rudely. (although it's shocking how many people equate firmness with rudeness, when it comes from a woman).

As a PP said- we should all be so 'rude'.

Perhaps you misunderstood - I meant who gives a fuck if he had a hidden disability.

Well, honestly, who really gives a fuck if OP is so traumatised by being asked a question that she had to flounce off and create a dramatic thread on here.

The other women in the carriage didn't seem very bothered and actually thought she was rude. That's very telling.

Perhaps you misunderstood - I meant who gives a fuck if he had a hidden disability. Do you just turn off your danger radar "just in case" someone doesn't understand societal norms? No way. If he DID have a disability, perhaps if he gets told back off aggressively enough he'll soon realise he shouldn't do that and won't invade some other poor woman's space.