Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bizarre incident on train...

737 replies

Redqueenheart · 11/10/2022 18:34

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

OP posts:
Scautish · 11/10/2022 23:10

I wonder if Sarah Everard was polite to Wayne Couzens?

InPraiseOfBacchus · 11/10/2022 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

"all the other women..."

Not me. I would not have been bemused. We're not all little handmaids tutting at women who dare to have preferences.

Again, I wouldn't have responded like OP but I also wouldn't judge her either. Tight space, strange man, weird behaviour. We all do what we have to in a moment of panic.

Galaktoboureko · 11/10/2022 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Seems most posters don't agree.

pixie5121 · 11/10/2022 23:05

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 11/10/2022 23:04

Londoner and frequent tube user here. OP, The man was being totally weird and completely outside the norm.

If it happened to me I would have been "rude" to him too, but more like a complete blank (while I looked up pictures of murder weapons and videos of invasive tendon surgery on my phone until he looked away).

I wouldn't have said what you did, but I'm not blaming you - you reacted in the moment while you were trapped in a tight space with someone behaving in an unexpected and intrusive way.

The girls were probably just responding to the tension by giggling and not really disapproving of you.

Upsidedownagain · 11/10/2022 23:04

As someone who travels regularly on the tube many times, I think you over-reacted. Sure it can be uncomfortable when someone speaks to you unexpectedly (certainly not the done thing on the tube) but a short polite response would have been better. If he had turned out to be too intrusive or persistent, you always had the option to get up and move or leave at the next station and join a different carriage.

pixie5121 · 11/10/2022 23:04

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Galaktoboureko · 11/10/2022 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bananarama21 · 11/10/2022 23:03

I think you were awful, I was just saying the other day to someone people just aren't friendly or pleasant these days. That an might not have spoken to anyone and just wanted a conversation. It doesn't hurt to be kind.

Isausernameavailable · 11/10/2022 23:02

Maybe he wasn't from London so didn't realise that speaking to people is weird

Zone2NorthLondon · 11/10/2022 23:00

@Galaktoboureko op hasn’t touched my jacket nor has she been rude, she did spectacularly misinterpret my point though

Galaktoboureko · 11/10/2022 22:59

userxx · 11/10/2022 22:56

Jesus, I always chat to randoms on public transport, I'll keep my mouth shut from now on, some people are so easily offended.

Me too.

No doubt there are dodgy guys out there and weirdos but so many women seem to live in this bubble of fear and self imposed limitations.

Zone2NorthLondon · 11/10/2022 22:58

sounds like he had learning difficulties You deduced that from op post, you’re really just clutching at straws to support your speculative point.

pixie5121 · 11/10/2022 22:57

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Redqueenheart · 11/10/2022 22:56

''@Galaktoboureko · Today 22:44
Woman: "I like your jacket. Where did you get it from?"
OP: "It's MY jacket and it's private!"
🤣''

Actually:
Man spots woman travelling on her own in tube carriage. There are several empty seats on her right but man decides to seat really close to woman. Woman becomes uncomfortable. Man starts fidgeting and touching woman in the process. Woman becomes even more uncomfortable but continues to look at her phone and ignores man. Man leans over and ask ''what's that?''. Woman is really annoyed and tell him ''that's my phone and it is private''. Girls on her left suggest she was rude. Woman has had enough of this mutters ''my pictures are my business and I don't have to share them'' and walks away to a different part of the train to remove herself from situation''.

There, fixed it for you and not a jacket in sight.

OP posts:
Rightsraptor · 11/10/2022 22:56

You were quite within your rights OP. Everyone in London knows you don't engage with strangers on public transport. He was sending out clear 'nutter' vibes and should be avoided at all costs. He'd have gone on to asking you out 'there's no harm in one drink' and on and on. Fuck 'em.

And those silly young women have less experience of life than you: they'll learn the hard way.

userxx · 11/10/2022 22:56

Jesus, I always chat to randoms on public transport, I'll keep my mouth shut from now on, some people are so easily offended.

Galaktoboureko · 11/10/2022 22:56

Zone2NorthLondon · 11/10/2022 22:52

Errrr op do reread my posts you’ll see I’ve been a strident supporter of your response and am aghast that rudeness is used as a reproach . I was poking fun at the notion your alleged rudeness is more heinous than him imposing himself upon you.You’ve really got this all muddled

Lol. Not liking the rudeness anymore when you're the recipient. 😂

Galaktoboureko · 11/10/2022 22:53

Was the woman making op feel unsafe?Or are you simply making up a nonsensical comparison to diminish another woman legitimate response to an unsettling experience?

It's odd that she would've 'snapped' at him rather than just walked away if genuinely scared. Wonder why the other women in the carriage didn't also seem terrified. 🤔

We'll never know as we weren't there and only have one side of the story but it sounds like he had learning difficulties and the other women picked up on it whilst OP immediately assumed the worst due to him being male.

Zone2NorthLondon · 11/10/2022 22:52

Errrr op do reread my posts you’ll see I’ve been a strident supporter of your response and am aghast that rudeness is used as a reproach . I was poking fun at the notion your alleged rudeness is more heinous than him imposing himself upon you.You’ve really got this all muddled

Yerroblemom1923 · 11/10/2022 22:52

It was really rude of you. Just say something polite like "oh just some photos of an exhibition" in a vague, bored manner that suggests you don't really want to have a convo with this guy and I'm sure he would've got the message.
I appreciate that there London is another world, especially the tube where the golden rule is that no one dares look at anyone, let alone smile or chat, so maybe I'm just from a frendlier place. As someone else said earlier maybe he was SN, and didn't have an idea of the "rules".

Original poster
Redqueenheart · 11/10/2022 22:48

''@Zone2NorthLondon ·
tectonicplates · Today 22:36
Why should anyone speak kindly to a creepy man?
So as not to be rude one must not be seen to be rude.irrespective of the provocation or event''

I will remember that if someone ever tries to assault or threaten me. The most important thing is that I don't upset the perpetrator by saying or doing anything that could be considered ''rude''...silly me to think that I should concentrate instead on sending the message that I am not be messed with in the first place.

FFS...

I do hope people are not teaching their daughters this type of 1950s nonsense about being people-pleasers at all costs or that their greatest aim in life should be to placate fragile men and not ever be rude to anyone.

One should definitely be rude to the rude.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 11/10/2022 22:47

Galaktoboureko · 11/10/2022 22:44

Woman: "I like your jacket. Where did you get it from?"

OP: "It's MY jacket and it's private!"

🤣

Was the woman imposing herself and her jacket into the op physical space, being overbearing? Was the woman making op feel unsafe? Or are you simply making up a nonsensical comparison to diminish another woman legitimate response to an unsettling experience?

Galaktoboureko · 11/10/2022 22:44

Woman: "I like your jacket. Where did you get it from?"

OP: "It's MY jacket and it's private!"

🤣

Strawberrypicnic · 11/10/2022 22:43

Strawberrypicnic · 11/10/2022 22:41

Personally I would have felt awkward being that blunt (don't know if that's necessarily a good thing) but I think the point is fair. It would be totally inappropriate to look over someone's shoulder at a WhatsApp conversation and ask what that was about. I don't think this is any different.

Btw, I live in London also and have never ever had a positive experience from a man attempting to engage with me on public transport.