Bizarre incident on train...

Jees pass the smelling salts !! You sound terribly uptight not surprised the girls were sniggering at you. Tube seats are incredibly tight spaced so of course he would be sitting very close. Presumably if it had been a woman you wouldn't have reacted this way??

Autistic? Could mn get any more strange?

If I had been on the train I would have applauded the op. Too many women are kind when they should be assertive.

You did the right thing op and I can't believe some of the posts on here.

Good for you Op.

I would have thought that the fact that you were sitting looking at your phone was indication that you didn't want to chat anyway!

I don't see what is so 'bizarre' about this. I think you were rude, and you actually sound thoroughly unpleasant What sort of a world are we living in, where if someone you don't know speaks to you, or even looks at you, people are offended, or think the person must have an ulterior motive, and need to post on a forum about it?? That's far more bizarre to me. I often engage in conversation with people I don't know from Adam. Even if you didn't want to talk to him you could have stopped short of being rude.

You do not owe any strange man invading your privacy any politeness! You did the right thing. I agree the girls could have been in on it too, you don't know and you don't need to stick around to find out.

I'm a Londoner who sometimes talks to people on the tube!

Do you talk to people who are looking down and quite obviously engrossed in something on their phone, or are you socially aware enough to look for eye contact and other body language cues before launching into a chat with somebody?

I'm guessing most of the 'goodness, you can't even talk to anyone anymore!' people on here do the latter and are just being disingenuous.

I think you handled it perfectly. Huge difference between that and a woman asking where you got a jacket, FFS.

@JulietDorney "Would you have reacted the same way in a cafe if someone had sat at your table and spoken to you?"

I certainly would.

Do all the people telling the OP she was rude not understand the concept of personal space? Or that millions of people (literally, millions) feel threatened, or bored spitless, or just plain angry if a total stranger feels entitled to try to engage them in conversation?

It's a totally different ball game from the polite "excuse me, do you mind if I sit here" in a full cafe, or a fleeting "hello, isn't it a beautiful afternoon?" if you pass someone local or whom you regularly see but don't actually know.

What if the person you're forcing yourself on has - only examples - just suffered a miscarriage; been sacked from their job that afternoon; been told a few hours ago that their cancer is inoperable. Or suffers from a mental health issue which causes them huge social anxiety or paranoia? Do you really think they'll welcome your intrusion?

The OP was engaging in an activity - looking through her phone - which would be a huge flag waving "I am not interested in other people, I am busy" to anybody with an iota of emotional intelligence.

And furthermore, all the many people on here who've pointed out that these men don't feel the need to try pushing themselves on to another man, only women, are 101% correct.

Next time tell him to mind his own fucking business and tell the other women they can shut the fuck up too. Might as well actually be rude, seeing as whatever you say to the creep people will judge you as rude anyway.

Can't believe this place, how do you all forget it's rude to read, or in this case view, over someone's shoulder. The man shouldn't have been so rude if he didn't want a 'rude' response.

I’m absolutely stunned at the number of posters who think that you were being rude by failing to pander to some creep who was looking over your shoulder at your phone.

I’ll freely admit that I’m not friendly. I’ll answer requests for directions etc, but I have absolutely no interest in passing the time of day with random men, young women or someone’s chatty mum. So I asked DH, who is from a place where you can’t go more than 100 yards without being stopped and engaged in conversation. He will talk to anyone who starts a conversation with him and loves meeting strangers. And he doesn’t think you were rude either. It’s rude for a lone man to sit next to a lone woman in a largely empty carriage. It is the height of bad manners to look at someone’s phone over their shoulder and then ask you to explain the contents to him.

I commute in London. I do look at peoples phones out of boredom or curiosity. But I would never comment on what I saw.

Still shouldn't be looking other people's phones, however close they are sitting. Keep eyes off, Nosey!

I’m with you all the way OP. Women are told to ‘be kind.’ Or entreated to search for explanations that excuse poor behavior. ‘Oh he might be autistic / learning disabled, he probably can’t help it.’

Fuck that.

You trusted your instincts. The guy and girls could have been working together for some malign purpose but even if that wasn’t the case, you refused to put the feelings of a rude random stranger above your own. You didn’t owe him anything. He had no right to invade your privacy.

On the tube? Yes of course people are sitting close enough to touch and see your phone. The seats are that close together!
I also think you were a bit rude. You couldn't have just said "it's private", and moved away if you didn't want to sit there.
I'm a Londoner who sometimes talks to people on the tube! We're not all weirdos. He might just have been interested in something that caught his eye.

I think it was weird, if not something worse and calculated. I am from a far friendlier part of the country than London, and would be absolutely amazed if someone did what he did; I see no reason to look at someone els'e phone, nor for them to look at mine. Very odd and unsettling - let alone how up close people have to be to be able to look, even if they are "welcome to" (rare).
You were not wrong in the way you handled it. }
Politeness not necessary in this scenario.

Oh please. This place is misanthropic 'feminist' central. You know, that group that over 90% of us in the UK don't want to be associated with.

This isn't a hypothetical, the OP has described in detail how his actions made her feel uncomfortable even before he opened his mouth. Are you dismissing her actual experience and her instincts as 'self imposed fear'?

And generally speaking, what if it's not always about fear, and just that people on the train might be happy in their own thoughts and not want to be interrupted by strangers who need entertaining? God, you're carrying on like she's missed out on some enriching life experience by not having a trite conversation with a random guy.

I wouldn't have been so aggressively hostile.

I probably would have said, It's an art exhibit, and left it at that. If he pressed on, I would have said, Excuse me, but I really hate people looking over my shoulder.

They do.

My partner is a big guy. Lifts weights and has a boxer's nose. He regularly talks to a random guy with learning difficulties who he sees every day in the coffee shop near work. Guy bought him an Xmas present last year. 😂 Bit odd but a nice gesture.

OP probs would've thought he was a stalker or there was a bomb in the box!

I do understand the need to be cautious at times as we can't defend ourselves like men can, but from OP's description the guy had learning difficulties and the other women in the carriage recognised this and felt embarrassed by her actions. To say ''my pictures are my business and I don't have to share them with you" whilst flouncing off is a bit cringe.

No, I don't. However that's not what I asked.

@Galaktoboureko

im autistic and you can fuck right off with your ableism

So fucking rude. Much more so than the OP.

Well, she went one step further didn't she, and actually "obeyed" him - due to his abuse of his position of apparent authority. Bastard piece of shit.

Why not say

'sorry I they are related to work and I am rather busy'

No need to be rude OP. None at all.

Correct. But that's not what I asked.