Bizarre incident on train...

One man asked what I was photoing and I showed him the picture on my phone of the mountain sunset. He said 'yes, very beautiful here' and walked off. Perhaps I should've snapped at him.

On a side note, I'm currently in Crete and almost every man I've walked past whilst out on my morning walk has said "kalimera" and given me a warm smile. Each time I've wished him the same and carried on. Nothing untoward has happened so far.

I do still think its highly likely though that the guy had a learning disability and that OP didn't notice as she was so offended that he dared speak to her. I say this because it's unusual that the other women called her rude as opposed to just staying silent.

I feel like I might have been a bit harsh in my previous comments. OP doesn't owe this stranger anything. I just personally would've replied curtly but civilly without storming off, but each to their own.

You don't know he was a creep. He might not have been. Some people don't realize they're supposed to assume you don't want them near you.

He was a creep and I would not have engaged in conversation. I don't like behaviour like that and if I was uncomfortable I would have moved.

But it's perfectly possible to be curt, unkind and direct and not be rude. You were rude from the get go.

Mumsnet is full of parents with neurodivergent children who expect everyone to accept and accomodate their children's behaviour, no matter how terrible, disruptive and dangerous it is.

But there no consideration that those children may grow into men who never learn how to behave.

OP dealt really well and assertively with a rude and invasive man on tube - the girls/women near her told her she was rude, and now loads of MNers have told her the same.

I agree @RoaringtoLangClegintheDark It’s a very depressing thread. I read @Redqueenheart ‘s first post and want to cheer her on.

Women don’t owe random men ANYTHING. Not a smile, not a conversation, not even a response.

Hard to know if you aren't there to gauge what he was like. Had he been drinking? Or was he just trying to chat you up? Or as someone else said he may have some sort of LD and not realise he was being inappropriate.

Great post.

How depressing is this thread?

OP dealt really well and assertively with a rude and invasive man on tube - the girls/women near her told her she was rude, and now loads of MNers have told her the same.

It makes me want to bang my head against the wall. This mentality that women owe men their time and attention, politeness in the face of their rudeness - even though a polite reply would have undoubtedly seen his attempts to engage her escalate, or may indeed even have left her victim to a pickpocketing scam as she suggests.

Female socialisation is absolutely toxic, and is sadly very much alive and kicking, going by the number of women telling OP she owed the man a polite conversation.

It worries me to see so many women saying this. There will be women reading this who take that on board and think twice about giving some creep or just tiresome boor the instant brush off in the future, who expose themselves to unnecessary annoyance at best and potentially much worse because they didn’t feel entitled to just say no right from the outset. Because of other women policing them.

Ugh.

And btw, it’s perfectly possible to interact in a friendly way with strangers on the tube, and I have done so many times - and none of them have ever involved leaning over and looking at someone’s phone and commenting on their personal photos or other personal information that is none of my business.

Well done, OP. You did exactly the right thing.

And yet it was the ahem 'fellow' women in the carriage (the attacked sex) who didn't feel he was at all threatening or weird and who called the OP out for being rude lol

I would've said "Nothing that concerns you!" - a bit rude but to the point, since he was rude staring over your shoulder in a first place. Agree with OP regarding girls' reaction being weird.

You did nothing wrong and he sounds like a creep. The young women will hopefully realise about boundaries before they have a bad encounter with a creep or two.

Then I guess I got lucky to have them.. Most women I know have an innate sense of when something’s not right , both evolutionary and because of experience from a young age. You may not have it but I do and trust it implicitly. I have never been threatened by another woman, and statistically men are far more risk to me and my daughter than other women. But if I sensed something was off I would react or leave regardless of the sex of the other person. Men however, are far more likely to ignore boundaries and no woman owes anyone politeness in that situation. And did you change your name just to respond to one post!!?? That’s commitment!

@Mba1974 I don't buy this "spidey senses" bollocks. If someone is in your space, they can piss off out of it whether they be male or female. I would give both genders short shrift. I'm not sure I'd be directly rude, though.

100%

Virtually all creeps are male.

On the tube people usually politely ignore each other, because of the proximity of so many other people in each other's personal space (who are potentially weirdos). So he was definitely dodgy for not following normal tube social conventions. Therefore you were absolutely right.

(Ps my friend once got jizzed on on the tube, everyone was so squished up she didn't notice till she got off. Men are revolting)

OP I couldn’t bear to read all of this, just here to say you did nothing wrong. This is why I teach my young daughter that No is a complete sentence, especially when it comes to boys/men, that anytime she feels uncomfortable she has very right to move, leave, call it out. Worst case someone thinks she’s rude, best case she’s got herself out of a dangerous situation. Evolution has bred that “spidey sense” into women for good reason. This whole “be nice” bollocks is just a way to lower women’s boundaries, you don’t owe anyone “nice” in any way shape or form. I use the tube all the time, there’s no way I would ever lean into someone’s space, read their phone or comment on it in an enclosed space where said person couldn’t move and I’m female. I would smile, say good morning, exchange niceties with someone passing me or in a situation that was fluid and either of us could easily walk away. It’s not rude, it’s common sense!

Just thinking about this thread. I had a similar experience with a woman recently on a London bus. She was acting as if she was my best friend, though I'd never seen her in my entire life. I smiled blandly, muttered something polite, and looked pointedly out of the window. I then ignored her further attempts to be my best friend (I gave her the occasional weak smile when she jabbed me in the arm).

So it's not just men. It's people who are a bit odd. On the whole, they are best politely ignored.

Cannot believe the amount of people saying you’re were rude.
GOOD FOR YOU OP! He was bang out of order, and hopefully he’ll think about his actions in future. The girls were out of order too, and probably socially conditioned into being good girls.

God, so many people pleasers - stop it!
(this winds me up, can you tell…)

His comment wouldn' t have bothered me, l quite enjoy talking to people and don' t feel threatened by a man making random conversation. But each to their own.

Another born and bred Londoner that thinks the same as you guys! Really rude response to snap at him like that, he could have been neurodiverse or just making conversation.

I remember why I hate London tube trains.

Why weren’t you willing to help out a someone who was in need? Could you realise not spare your charger/phone for 2-3 minutes?