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What is wrong with me? OBSESSED with cleaning.

35 replies

mioz · 23/09/2022 14:25

I am obsessed with having a clean house, to the point where it's affecting my life. I have to clean the whole house, top to bottom (dust, vacuum, mop, bathrooms, mirrors, etc etc) every single morning without fail or my anxiety is through the roof. This can take hours some days. I have 2 young kids and work full time so I know in my logical mind its not sustainable but I can't stop myself. Mess makes me feel chaotic, a single spec of dust can change my mood. Why am I like this?! I secretly fume at my husband and kids when they go upstairs after I've vacuumed the carpet, he thinks i'm mental (and I know I am) as I have to go up after them and re-hoover. What is wrong with me? I've been this way as long as I can remember but it's definitely worse since my kids were born.

OP posts:
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Bestyearever2024 · 05/03/2024 23:55

mioz · 24/09/2022 15:05

Thanks everyone for your replies. I feel like a rota is only really covering up the problem and it would quickly escalate again as I’d find it hard to stop once I’ve started cleaning. Having a particularly bad day today, think I’ve hoovered about 6 times already!

Please see your GP

You need help for your OCD

ERHar · 05/03/2024 23:02

Hi I would to know how your getting on with this as your life sounds exactly like mine.
if you want to talk more I’m here on this thread awaiting your reply! Would love to chat to someone who is exactly like me! Xx

mioz · 24/09/2022 16:21

catandcoffee · 24/09/2022 16:08

When did this start ?
That may give you some clue.

I’ve been a clean freak for as long as I can remember, but the real obsessiveness I think began around when I was pregnant with my eldest (who is 3.5)

OP posts:
catandcoffee · 24/09/2022 16:08

When did this start ?
That may give you some clue.

Marvellousmadness · 24/09/2022 16:03

Sounds like your life is out of control and you try to regain control by cleaning since that is the only thing you can control.

mioz · 24/09/2022 15:05

Thanks everyone for your replies. I feel like a rota is only really covering up the problem and it would quickly escalate again as I’d find it hard to stop once I’ve started cleaning. Having a particularly bad day today, think I’ve hoovered about 6 times already!

OP posts:
Chloefairydust · 24/09/2022 02:26

Have you tried setting out a cleaning rota that’s more manageable, planning out the cleaning throughout the week instead of trying to do it all in one day?

Maybe having a planned rota might help you still feel in control without being overwhelmed?

Toffeewhirl · 24/09/2022 02:16

I've just noticed you said you thought you didn't have OCD because you don't think people will die if you don't clean. In fact, often OCD sufferers are more tormented by a sense of unbearable wrongness if they don't do what their brain is telling them to do. It doesn't have to be about thinking terrible things will happen to people.

Toffeewhirl · 24/09/2022 02:12

@mioz - Sertraline doesn't get rid of the OCD, but it reduces the associated anxiety, so it's more bearable.

My son's OCD started when he was about nine: he began counting to himself when he put his shoes on and would have to repeat certain actions over and over till things felt 'right'. Then he started worrying about contamination - food poisoning, catching illnesses from unclean plates, etc. The OCD got worse over time, until he had therapy with a psychologist who'd trained at the Maudsley. She did exposure therapy with him, where she encouraged him to tolerate the discomfort of doing the things that scared him. It worked really well and he wasn't bothered by the OCD again until Covid. Now it's back and worse than ever. He's in his 20s now.

OCD appears in all sorts of different ways. I have two friends with it: one has to clean her house from top to bottom every evening, no matter how tired she is; the other has the hand-washing type, but has overcome it through therapy.

From talking with my son, my 80-year-old mum has realised she has it too. She just never had a name for it before. She's learnt to live with it, but she's relieved to have discovered it's a recognised condition. For years, she kept it to herself because she didn't understand what was wrong or why she had these thoughts and compulsions. She thought she was the only one. At least now she knows it's a treatable condition.

Treatment is usually effective, although it involves hard work and determination. However, a good therapist will support you through all that. Waiting lists for treatment aren't great, so if you can afford private it's worth considering. It won't be cheap, though.

I think either OCD-UK or OCD Action offer free support groups which also give guidance in how to combat the OCD.

Please seek help. There's no need for you to suffer like this.

mioz · 23/09/2022 17:20

TwoCoffeesPlease · 23/09/2022 16:19

Hi OP,

I understand how you feel regarding anxiety if you haven’t cleaned. I don’t think I clean as much as you do but I am still told by other people it is too much.

Something that keeps it in check for me is cleaning ONE thing every morning before work (plus wiping down the kitchen and putting stuff away).
Eg.
Monday: sweep and mop
Tuesday: dusting
Wednesday: bathrooms
Thursday: hoovering
Friday: home offices

Then on Saturday OR Sunday mornings I have my “big clean” where I do pretty much everything. For me this serves the purpose of feeling in control of the house without it interfering with my work etc.

How would doing one thing a day and a bit clean at the weekend feel for you?

Thank you. I have tried this before but quickly felt overwhelmed - maybe I’ll try again!

OP posts:
TwoCoffeesPlease · 23/09/2022 16:19

Hi OP,

I understand how you feel regarding anxiety if you haven’t cleaned. I don’t think I clean as much as you do but I am still told by other people it is too much.

Something that keeps it in check for me is cleaning ONE thing every morning before work (plus wiping down the kitchen and putting stuff away).
Eg.
Monday: sweep and mop
Tuesday: dusting
Wednesday: bathrooms
Thursday: hoovering
Friday: home offices

Then on Saturday OR Sunday mornings I have my “big clean” where I do pretty much everything. For me this serves the purpose of feeling in control of the house without it interfering with my work etc.

How would doing one thing a day and a bit clean at the weekend feel for you?

Divebar2021 · 23/09/2022 15:46

is there any way that you can clean your house every day so that it’s done and you’re in control but just set a timer and rush round?

Theres a difference between wanting a clean and tidy home and having to do everything everyday. By saying “can’t you still do everything but just go faster” is not really addressing the issue. Unless you’re living with a rugby team or coal miner no-one needs to clean their bathroom everyday. I think the OP needs to speak to a professional before she runs herself into the ground.

VioletInsolence · 23/09/2022 15:36

mioz · 23/09/2022 15:14

Weirdly this doesn't bother me much! I would be a bit annoyed if they trudged mud through the house, and would be more anxious/upset if I hadn't done all my cleaning rituals already that day, but if I'd cleaned and tidied (performed my weird routine basically) then my anxiety levels would be lower so yes, it wouldn't be much of a problem. I'm aware this doesn't make a great deal of sense! I guess my issue isnt actually the dirt/mess is it.

That makes perfect sense to me as I’m the same…it feels like everything is piling up somehow and getting more out of control but if everything is in order you can give the floor a quick wipe and it’s done.

is there any way that you can clean your house every day so that it’s done and you’re in control but just set a timer and rush round? That’s what I do. If you’re doing it every day then you just need to grab some baby wipes and your bathroom can be done in two minutes to a good standard. It takes me 15 - 20 mins for my flat. I don’t think you need to go to the other extreme as there’s nothing wrong with having a clean home.

mioz · 23/09/2022 15:33

Champsandbubbles · 23/09/2022 15:17

I love a clean home but accept it can't be the way I want.
We had a family friend who was like you, she was an amazing Mum but her home was a show home. Her kids could not play I their rooms, after she cleaned the bathrooms they had to go to the leisure centre for showers.
I was made every Friday to clean my room and this is most people's deep clean before I could go out. Then I had to straighten my mums hair.
When I got a bit older it was we had to deep clean every Saturday morning, 6am wake up, clean the house. I couldn't get out before 1pm my friends knew this.
How does this sound to you, because to me it sounds so sad. My friend's felt sorry for me and I do for 18 year old me. Yes it was that long.
I don't forgive my Mum for making me) along with other problems) live like that, it's unpleasant.
You can clean and tidy but let your family enjoy their home, if you don't let your family enjoy they will remember that part of you for the rest of their lives

Thats the trouble, I can't accept that it can't be that way when I know it can.

OP posts:
Foxesforme · 23/09/2022 15:18

Another condition is OCPD which has some commonalities with OCD. I'd also advise going to the GP and looking for treatment.

Champsandbubbles · 23/09/2022 15:17

I love a clean home but accept it can't be the way I want.
We had a family friend who was like you, she was an amazing Mum but her home was a show home. Her kids could not play I their rooms, after she cleaned the bathrooms they had to go to the leisure centre for showers.
I was made every Friday to clean my room and this is most people's deep clean before I could go out. Then I had to straighten my mums hair.
When I got a bit older it was we had to deep clean every Saturday morning, 6am wake up, clean the house. I couldn't get out before 1pm my friends knew this.
How does this sound to you, because to me it sounds so sad. My friend's felt sorry for me and I do for 18 year old me. Yes it was that long.
I don't forgive my Mum for making me) along with other problems) live like that, it's unpleasant.
You can clean and tidy but let your family enjoy their home, if you don't let your family enjoy they will remember that part of you for the rest of their lives

mioz · 23/09/2022 15:14

AlisonDonut · 23/09/2022 15:11

Can I just ask, what happens if you or your kids goes out and gets muddy in the garden?

Weirdly this doesn't bother me much! I would be a bit annoyed if they trudged mud through the house, and would be more anxious/upset if I hadn't done all my cleaning rituals already that day, but if I'd cleaned and tidied (performed my weird routine basically) then my anxiety levels would be lower so yes, it wouldn't be much of a problem. I'm aware this doesn't make a great deal of sense! I guess my issue isnt actually the dirt/mess is it.

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 23/09/2022 15:11

Can I just ask, what happens if you or your kids goes out and gets muddy in the garden?

mioz · 23/09/2022 15:09

Toffeewhirl · 23/09/2022 15:07

Look up OCD-UK and OCD Action. Both have good advice. Best treatment for OCD (certainly sounds like you have it) is SSRIs (eg Sertraline) plus CBT with Exposure Response Therapy. I know all this because my older son has severe OCD.

It's a horrible thing, but you can get help. As others have said, see your GP.

Thank you for the info and sorry to hear your son suffers too - how do the meds affect him? How did his OCD present itself if you don't mind me asking?

OP posts:
Toffeewhirl · 23/09/2022 15:07

Look up OCD-UK and OCD Action. Both have good advice. Best treatment for OCD (certainly sounds like you have it) is SSRIs (eg Sertraline) plus CBT with Exposure Response Therapy. I know all this because my older son has severe OCD.

It's a horrible thing, but you can get help. As others have said, see your GP.

mioz · 23/09/2022 15:06

I didnt know it could have been OCD as I don't have the 'I need to clean or my friend will die' kind of thinking. Theres just an anxiety if I dont perform all these rituals!

OP posts:
Thestagshead · 23/09/2022 15:01

You need to speak to your doctor it sounds like you’ve developed ocd but we can’t diagnose so you need to seek professional help.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 23/09/2022 14:59

@mioz Took a lot of therapy - both nhs and private. It’s not a quick fix.
But I know myself extremely well now and accept that I am who I am with the quirks which make me - me. I know my triggers and subconscious responses and how to deal with them. I have self awareness and self care skills. I have ocd and adhd but have learnt skills which help me utilise these as positive things in my life, not negatives. Everyone is different and it isn’t a one solution fits every individual.
As I’ve aged, I’ve also gained confidence in being able to advocate for myself. I can, without fear/shame say to people, “no, I can’t do xyz/it doesn’t work for me” etc and ask for what I do need. This goes for work, family and friends, because if I can’t advocate for myself, who can - as I know myself better than anyone.

Bottom line - take control of this and start to do so by seeing your GP and ask for help.

badgermushrooms · 23/09/2022 14:50

DH used to get obsessive about random things around the house, not cleaning sadly but things like making sure taps were off, drawers shut etc. It was because he was anxious about other stuff. Do you have some other things going on that it's perhaps easier not to think about?

fallinover · 23/09/2022 14:46

You need to go and get proper structured help.
Stopping won't necessarily be easy but it is a well recognized and researched area.
Go and talk to your GP for starters.

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