DP always out.

Well, he needs to do his share of parenting in the week, even if he is working.

And at weekends his priority should be you and his dc, not his parents. He has some really odd ideas.

You need to talk, and he needs to step up and start doing his share.

He is taking the easy way out. DH was not keen on helping me with HIS family. Some men want a child or two but do not want the day to day effort of being part of a family they have created. My DH was very keen to have a family but not keen to be a dad. DDs are now 28 and 30. He’s still only interested in their achievements. Not in their lives overall. Sadly it’s difficult to know men will be so useless beforehand.

It’s difficult to know what to do. I don’t see there’s much to lose by contacting his mother! Or telling him clearly that you are arranging things to do at weekends that require his presence. Don’t have his dinner ready when he gets back by the way! Also make arrangements to see friends. Plus see your own family. I remember my DH went all summer seeing hardly any friends because he played golf at weekends. I started to invite friends round. Do not let what he does affect friendships.

Ask him to do bathtime. Make sure he plays with baby whilst you get on with dinner. Arrange days out for all of you. He is obviously not really bonding with your baby and you need to try and find things you can do together to reinforce the family. Why don’t you all go to his DM’s? Suggest this.

Wow this thread just shows how few people think breastfeeding is the norm. It just wouldn't occur to me that he take the baby out for a whole day a week. Instead I'd say that there needs to be a way for him to have balance and for you to get both family time and downtime yourself OP, whatever way that works. But the starting point is him actually wanting to be part of your family.

And his step dad can do more

Tell him to take baby with him on these weekends where he once again opts out of parental duties, leaving you to cope alone. He and his parents seem to think he’s still a single man.
Perhaps a few weekends of feeding, changing, entertaining s 7 month old will bring him and his mother to the realisation that he’s a father now .
And why are you doing all childcare during the week after he’s finished work for the day? He can still do bath time, feed him, play with his child. Stop the martyrdom and put a stop to this. He’ll be expecting you to be warming his slippers next.
Why isn’t his stepdad driving his mother to her appointments?

Exactly. You are behaving like a complete doormat, no wonder he takes advantage. What is that impose nonsense that you are talking about? Why haven't you sent your ds along with him? And why on earth would you still not go ahead with your appointment. It's you, your entire willingness to put up with this nonsense.

That's so shit.

That he hist expects you to be the default carer. That he expects you to pick up his share of childcare all the time. That he doesnt discuss it with you in advance.

He is treating his own life like he has no responsibilities and your life is unimportant and secondary to his wishes (and these wishes dont even seem very important. For example if one of his parents was ill and he wanted to take them to hospital appointments to support them - fair enough. But a bloody phone or shopping trip? Surely if his parents are completely clueless he can do some research for them and tell them a couple of recommendations to buy instead of physically going with them?)

Have you tried talking to him about it? You really need to stop this now as it will only get worse as his parents age.

If that doesn't work, just go out first and leave the baby with him, he can take the baby with him or see what it's like to be left at home for a change. It might be worth doing this anyway - arrange to meet some friends next weekend or something

Pack a bag and send him home to his mother.

What a waster.

OP, your relationship bar must be on the ground for you to tolerate this.

It is actually unbelievable.

He is a shit partner and a shit father.

Get yourself back to work and sort your contraception out pronto.

Your relationship is not going to last with someone so selfish.

You deserve better that this selfish waster.

Does he do nothing at all at home?? Even the dishes, dinner, washing? Why even have a child? Why does having a job suddenly make a man the Lord and Saviour in some womens eyes?

i have a 7mo. And 2 older dc. Dp leaves early, sometimes he gets up at 4:30 to put dinner on before he goes . He picks up one dc from childcare a couple of times a week, does bath and bed, weekend activities have to go in the diary and suit us both, because these children are our family we had together.
go to your eye test. Think of some errands and ask him to do them next Saturday - if he can run errands for his parents he can run them for his own family. Book a day out the Saturday after, tell him casual boyfriends are ok to only turn up for your birthday dinner, good husbands should make their wife feel a little special for their birthday instead of just the cook, and you’ve booked x next Saturday and he can make it up to you then. Think very hard about this relationship, because if you don’t fix it now there any many many years of being the only parent who parents and house drudge while he does more for his mum than for his own child and wife.

The arrangements people settle for always amazes me. I don't know why someone would want to opt out of parenting, or why they are facilitated in this by their partners.

Tell him he can take the baby with him. Stop being a mug.

share some childcare (as i don't impose it on him during weekdays since he works)

"Impose" ????
Does he not want to spend time with his child ?

Presumably, whilst he is outside the home at his paid employment + commute, you are then employed in looking after the baby. Once he is home, then looking after the baby surely becomes something you do between the two of you ? Or do you think it right that you work 24 hours a day whilst he works presumably around 8 hours a day ?

If baby takes the bottle then it goes out with dad. It needs to be brought back appropriately fed, appropriately slept and properly clean.

I went back to work (just a little bit) after 4 months and dh, who worked all week, did just fine. Depends on my hours that day, sometimes I would come home and do dinner, sometimes dinner would be partly done and sometimes I would have dinner placed in front of me.

Your dh needs to be a parent.

the only days where we can be slightly more chill and spend quality time and share some childcare (as i don't impose it on him during weekdays since he works) is the weekend

What's he like when he's with you and the baby? How are his interactions with you both? How is your relationship in general?

Is he definitely always doing what he says he is doing? Also working full time shouldn't be a get out for mid week parenting 🙄

Is baby BF, so he cannot take him/her?

Very easily solved. He takes the baby with him. Obviously grandparents wouldn't object to spending time with their grandchild. Obviously father wouldn't object to spending time with his child he barely sees. It's good for DS to spend time with his father he barely sees and good for DS to get out and about in different places.

It shouldn't even be a question. He needs to be taking DS on his outings.

Does he actually do any parenting?

Or husbanding for that matter

Same as everyone else.
At first I assumed it was going to be another moan about a Dad playing sport, but if he is pottering around town with his Mum, doing jobs, surely the obvious thing is for them to take the baby ?

Apart from anything else, wouldn't they want to spend time with the baby ?

Op, he's taking the piss. You need to have a conversation with him, because he thinks everything is ok, you look after the baby & he can swan off for the day. He probably doesn't even realise he's being selfish. But have a word with him, you guys should come first, not his mum & dad x

He needs to take baby with him. Grandparents get to see baby and you get a rest. Problem sorted.

How old are his parents?

Why does he not take baby with him?

And why does his 'DSF' not help at all?

Can his Mum drive?

Are they helpless? In which case get social services involved.

Or is he using this as an excuse to get out of caring for his child?

I think you have normalised this it is not normal at all and certainly not overreacting indeed I think you are under reacting

Why can’t he take the baby with him, especially to see his mum. I could not be attracted to a man that behaved like this.