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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL

171 replies

camen · 30/08/2022 11:06

we are currently on holiday, and i've come down with some sort of allergy which i've never suffered from before. my eyes have gone extremely red and irritated and i've struggled with headaches and pain from it. we are currently staying at my in laws for a couple of days and MIL insisted she spend the night with DS so i can get a fuller night of sleep to see if it helps,

I accepted grateful for the offer until i woke up this morning and saw that she's nowhere to be found, and has taken DS with her and has not told me where she went.

am i being unreasonable to never let her stay with him again? i feel it's so wrong to take a child out the house without letting me know? especially when she left his bag here with all things he may need (nappy rash cream, sunscreen (it's almost 40 degrees here) his dummy, nappies etc. i'm fuming that she just took him and didn't tell me or DP anything.

i don't feel at ease with the fact that she tries to go against me on certain things, like buying chocolate and sweets for him when he's 7 months. and insisting that i can give him all sorts of food including those high in sugar and salt. i've massively regretted leaving him with her because i don't trust that she won't go against what i said.

how do i approach this without making a huge scene because right now i'm very ready to cause an argument.

TIA x

OP posts:
Tigerstigers · 30/08/2022 11:54

What's wrong with a custard tart? He's not a newborn op... He must already be crawling or not far off, and consuming lots of random shite you won't even know about, grabbing anything he can get hold of for a "taste", be it sticks in the park, or a handful of cat fur. At 7 months old, a wide variety of tastes and textures are what matter, one custard tart (that he probably had one bite out of) really isn't an issue. If it were vodka, I'd see your point.

Brefugee · 30/08/2022 11:51

Calm down OP. You're being bratisg. Yet another:

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: yes
OP: argues with everyone

PonyTime · 30/08/2022 11:50

camen · 30/08/2022 11:48

little update: MIL told me that she gave DS a custard tart i asked her why and said "because he was looking at me while i ate one and i had to give him" its things like this that make me not want to leave him with her. it's not in itself the taking him, it's no matter what i say, she will go against it.

And?

It's an egg custard tart

Not crack cocaine

romdowa · 30/08/2022 11:50

Yanbu . She should have left a note , she should have brought his bag and she shouldn't be giving your 7 month old anything that goes against your wishes. My dm or mil wouldn't dare because myself and dp would blow a fuse. Has dp not read her the riot act for her carry on this morning?

Revolvingwhore · 30/08/2022 11:50

JubileeTissues · 30/08/2022 11:19

Crikey, she only went for a coffee. Can't do right for doing wrong

Agreed. So many people are so quick to bite the hand that feeds them. Do you want help or not?

JimmyShoo · 30/08/2022 11:49

It was a custard tart not cocaine.

saraclara · 30/08/2022 11:49

camen · 30/08/2022 11:48

little update: MIL told me that she gave DS a custard tart i asked her why and said "because he was looking at me while i ate one and i had to give him" its things like this that make me not want to leave him with her. it's not in itself the taking him, it's no matter what i say, she will go against it.

But your OP was about her taking him out, and you didn't tell her not to, so that's all irrelevant.

Original poster
camen · 30/08/2022 11:48

little update: MIL told me that she gave DS a custard tart i asked her why and said "because he was looking at me while i ate one and i had to give him" its things like this that make me not want to leave him with her. it's not in itself the taking him, it's no matter what i say, she will go against it.

OP posts:
saraclara · 30/08/2022 11:47

Back on the day when I had babies before mobile phones came along, I'd have expected and appreciated a note left. But since you are able to message her to find out where they were, I'm failing to see what you're so wound up about.

SunshineClouds1 · 30/08/2022 11:46

YABU

she's doing you a favour, getting him out for a walk and some fresh air.
She's letting you lie in.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 30/08/2022 11:46

Unless she ordered 2 lattes yabu.

Puppypads · 30/08/2022 11:45

Where is the child's father in all of this utter non issue?

Lopar · 30/08/2022 11:40

Why on earth would she need to give you 'warning'?!

IncompleteSenten · 30/08/2022 11:37

She should have left a note and she should have taken a nappy at least.

LookItsMeAgain · 30/08/2022 11:36

You did know where your DS was.

He was with his granny.

JubileeTissues · 30/08/2022 11:35

What difference does "knowing where he is" make? He was with the person you left caring for him while you slept until lunchtime. Where was your DP anyway?!

She didn't want to wake you and went out with her grandson. You're being ridiculous

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 30/08/2022 11:35

So just to confirm none of this child's parents were up by 11am?

Because if they were they would've known the plans. Unless there is a drip feed of her being a ninja.

So who did you think was caring for your child and how long did you exveot them to put their day on hold for?

Sunnyqueen · 30/08/2022 11:34

She didn't want to wake you obviously. Im gonna assume you've made a bit of a fuss about the whole allergy thing so she's wanting to take the pressure off you. See if you'll relax a bit with a good sleep. Why does she need to give a blow by blow account of what she's doing whilst you sleep in half the morning?

LookItsMeAgain · 30/08/2022 11:33

Ah, I've gone back and read your opening post and you clearly have trust issues. She isn't going to poison your son. Your DP managed to grow up ok, right?

Time to take a deep breath and when they get back say "Thanks for looking after DS" and nothing more than that.

Hesma · 30/08/2022 11:33

You are overreacting, maybe because you’re unwell. She is doing you a favour… don’t make it into something it isn’t

fannyfan · 30/08/2022 11:33

Okay you are so unreasonable. She managed to raise your partner without killing him. You were unwell so she let you sleep?

I mean sure go off on her and then wonder why she never wants to see your child, why you don't have babysitters and why she hasn't got a relationship (when you need something from her)

I hope when you become a grand mother you're treated like this too

gingertoast · 30/08/2022 11:33

And if you don't trust her to look after him why in earth leave him in her care overnight? You sound a right PITA

Original poster
camen · 30/08/2022 11:33

anyway she has returned and i thanked her and didn't cause an issue, except thank her for taking care of him and not waking me. regardless, i still think she could've said something.

OP posts:
implantsandaDyson · 30/08/2022 11:33

She probably didn't want to text /ring /message you incase you were asleep and the notification woke you.

PonyTime · 30/08/2022 11:33

camen · 30/08/2022 11:32

so i'm being unreasonable to not appreciate knowing where my child is, especially with someone who's given him coffee before and chocolate and challenges everything i say as a parent? this isn't a one off thing she's done. i already try to calm down because i know she's his grandma and does things out of love, even though i don't trust her with him, i have allowed her to take him out before, stay with him before even though she gives him things she shouldn't and does things i say not to. i appreciated her staying with him, and even though DP insisted he would stay with DS because he too doesn't trust his mum with DC i insisted it was ok. I'm not being unreasonable i think it's just a warning wouldn't hurt, she was able to tell her niece and sister that she took DS for a while but couldn't tell the parents?

Why post if you don't think you're being unreasonable

Clearly you are