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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Slightly offended by donation

85 replies

roadtohapiness · 03/08/2022 15:14

So I’ve got a school mum that I known for a few months and we kinda get along well, sometimes she looks after my DS (paid arrangement) and she is a good person. So the problem is not her really. I think it’s me!

she told me someone she knew was relocating and therefore donating some school uniforms all in good condition and asked if I wanted some. I said “well… yes, no problem”. Then a few days ago she arrived here with 3 huge bags full of clothes from the woman, and honestly, I would be embarrassed to give those to anyone! Stained clothes, shorts with holes, everything very worn out and old.

AIBU to feel slightly offended? Both my husband and I work and we have a fairly decent life. Not rich but definitely not poor. We can definitely afford new clothes. Ok I perhaps should have said “no, I’m actually decluttering our wardrobes and donating a lot of bags” (which is true) but I just said “okay” because I’m such a stupid acquiescent person! Your thoughts please.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
girlfriend44 · 30/05/2023 20:48

People who hand over rubbish instead of binning it are disgusting?
Would they like to receive rubbish themselves?

CloudlessSunnyDays · 30/05/2023 17:13

Pr1mr0se · 30/05/2023 16:20

jc12689 - what's your problem with me commenting on posts?

No problem with you posting on current threads, but Rebooting a thread from 10 months ago! Why would you do that

GAWI · 30/05/2023 16:47

I put some clothes away from my first child for my second. On getting them back down, some of the favourites were far tattier than I in my memory and were thrown out. It may be that they've been favourites/have lots of emotional connections and they haven't realised what poor condition they're in.

SchoolShenanigans · 30/05/2023 16:32

I wouldn't assume she meant that you can't afford them. Is it possible that the friend told her they were good condition and she didn't look herself?

It's annoying that you're now left with a bag of clothes to recycle though.

Pr1mr0se · 30/05/2023 16:30

I didn't notice the date of this until now! I'm sure Mumsnet admin will be forgiving 😀

jc12689 · 30/05/2023 16:28

Haha. Just lighthearted banter.

You must have need doing a lost of browsing to find a post that nearly 10 months old. I'm guessing the op has forgotten all about it now 😁

AmbleInAnnBoleyn · 30/05/2023 16:26

Pr1mr0se · 30/05/2023 16:20

jc12689 - what's your problem with me commenting on posts?

Ohai there. You have resurrected a long dormant thread, you will be called out on this action. HTH Smile

Pr1mr0se · 30/05/2023 16:20

jc12689 - what's your problem with me commenting on posts?

jc12689 · 30/05/2023 16:13

Pr1mr0se · 30/05/2023 15:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be offended.

However maybe as others have said already, she didn't look through the clothes herself.

I would certainly not donate clothes in that state but then I have seen the same sort of quality donated to school uniform shops and still sold on, so everyone has a different understanding of quality and secondhand.

Sort through or wholesale just pass on.

If they have holes in it should be straight to the rags recycling unit rather than a charity shop.

Slow day is it?

gamerchick · 30/05/2023 16:00

Think the OP has sorted it since this thread is old

Pr1mr0se · 30/05/2023 15:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be offended.

However maybe as others have said already, she didn't look through the clothes herself.

I would certainly not donate clothes in that state but then I have seen the same sort of quality donated to school uniform shops and still sold on, so everyone has a different understanding of quality and secondhand.

Sort through or wholesale just pass on.

If they have holes in it should be straight to the rags recycling unit rather than a charity shop.

Johnnysgirl · 04/08/2022 13:46

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 03/08/2022 18:58

One summer, ds was leaving primary school, and a couple of friends asked me if my younger dc could use uniforms. I said yes to everyone. Well, you never know when you need a spare jumper.

Come the end of August I looked at uniforms. At this point I found I now had 27 logoed jumpers, and even more polo shirts. I went through them, chucked out jumpers where cuffs had been eaten, kept 5 and donated the remainder to the school second hand shop.

I did not assume people saw me as a charity case, but rather somebody who cheerfully admitted using charity shops.

Why would you accept 27 school jumpers? That's really quite ridiculous of you Hmm

GooglyEyeballs · 04/08/2022 13:21

Maybe she hadn't looked through the bags and didn't realise they were all rags? It's a bit annoying for you but it doesn't sound like it was intended in a bad way by the mum friend.

BeanieTeen · 04/08/2022 13:17

My BIL and SIL try and do this to us all the time. When there are family meet ups they just rock up with bags of shit. I think they just cba to take things to the charity shop or the skip. We’ve started saying no thank you.

SleeplessInEngland · 04/08/2022 13:12

I wouldn't infer it as a comment on your finances. Sometimes a bag of tatty clothes is just a bag of tatty clothes.

gamerchick · 04/08/2022 13:09

roadtohapiness · 03/08/2022 15:57

I think I’ll just dump them in our local Salvation Army recycling bin and I agree, perhaps my friend was just used by the other woman to save her a trip to the tip!

Can guarantee it.

CecilyP · 04/08/2022 13:05

Honestly I’ve got no time to sort them out, find other people to give them away etc. I work full time and I also have my own family to look after.

That's probably what the cheeky donater thought! But how long can it really take to sort 3 into piles.
1 Dirty and for the bin.
2 Tatty but clean for the textile bank (often found in supermarket car parks)
3 Still OK to wear. Keep what fits and donate any uniform that doesn't fit to the school.

Original poster
roadtohapiness · 03/08/2022 19:29

no, I don’t know the cheeky person.

OP posts:
Original poster
roadtohapiness · 03/08/2022 19:14

I didn’t think that far. I thought it would be just a couple of trousers + shirts. Not three full bags of old school uniforms + Pe kits + summer hats + old clothes that don’t even fit my DC.

OP posts:
TeapotTitties · 03/08/2022 19:09

roadtohapiness · 03/08/2022 19:07

I said “yes” because she asked me. Not my place to suggest what she should do with those uniforms. Honestly I wasn’t thinking otherwise I would have said plain and simple “no, I don’t need them thank”

Why does it have to be 'your place'?

A quick "Oh no thanks, but I bet the school would love them".

Original poster
roadtohapiness · 03/08/2022 19:07

I said “yes” because she asked me. Not my place to suggest what she should do with those uniforms. Honestly I wasn’t thinking otherwise I would have said plain and simple “no, I don’t need them thank”

OP posts:
Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 03/08/2022 18:58

One summer, ds was leaving primary school, and a couple of friends asked me if my younger dc could use uniforms. I said yes to everyone. Well, you never know when you need a spare jumper.

Come the end of August I looked at uniforms. At this point I found I now had 27 logoed jumpers, and even more polo shirts. I went through them, chucked out jumpers where cuffs had been eaten, kept 5 and donated the remainder to the school second hand shop.

I did not assume people saw me as a charity case, but rather somebody who cheerfully admitted using charity shops.

Original poster
roadtohapiness · 03/08/2022 18:52

You’re right and a lesson learnt for me. I’m one of those people who find it difficult to say “no” 😓

OP posts:
PraiseBee · 03/08/2022 18:50

Oh god this happened to me when expecting my first DC. A colleague of my sister offered me some baby clothes. I said yes, even bought some flowers as thanks. My sister dropped them round. Unusable; holes, ripped, stained. Absolute joke.

bellac11 · 03/08/2022 18:50

A trip to the tip is not always effortless, at ours you have to book, the slots are often booked up, at an inconvenient time, you have to register your car, if you're late you miss your slot, but equally cant come in early, difficult in saturday and sunday traffic as we cant got week days

At my parents council you need a permit which you have to apply for in advance

Plus of course you need a car, no car, no trip to the tip. Unless you book a cab who might not want tip rubbish in the cab and of course that is expensive

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