Groping in a marriage

@Mombearus

This is awful and allot more serious than mine. I don’t get why we put ourselves through this. It’s utterly disgraceful behavior. Sending lots of love and hugs xx

@Mombearus Leave him.

Jesus. This is horrendous! I have to be honest and say it feels like control/ abuse to me. Could you leave, if you wanted to?

Mine gropes me all the time too. I hate it! Hands in the pants while cooking and doing dishes. Talked about it in front of our sons. And does it in front of them! He feels he has that right! He has said “well you used to like it!” No, I didn’t. I was too scared to say NO. I’m also an Sa survivor. Still doesn’t matter. We go to counseling, too. And he doesn’t listen, when I say no it is my fault. “But they are so nice, and mine.” My boobs are not yours dude! When I talk about getting a reduction he throws a fit. He throws a fit when I say no to the groping like I am supposed to. And I get iced out. He does it even at his mom’s house and I just giggled because damn it was weird him talking about my boobs with his mom and sisters 3 feet behind us in the same room. He yelled at me for “making him feel like he was a pervert.” Which made me mad, because he made it my fault. And so I went off, and he said I was twisting things and turning it back on him. I get so confused. 😐 he said “this is why we are in therapy! Because of your issues with accepting what I say!” It isn’t the only reason. He knows it. So last night he came home and while I was talking to him about what he wanted for dinner he wouldn’t SHUT up about my chest. I got mad. Along with the fact I have a brain injury and have to do EVERYTHING around the house after the doctor wanted me to just sleep and rest! I feel like all I am is his toy. I get it. I get where you are coming from, and NO you are not the problem! He is. And if he can’t accept boundaries better for you to deal with it now than 15 years later like me.

@Em4891 No you’re not being over the top. Next time he does it…and he will…stop whatever you’re doing and tell him, in no uncertain terms, to stop with the groping, you’re not a piece of meat or a sex toy he can grope or touch up whenever he feels like it. He needs to start thinking with his brain instead of his dick, perhaps if he did he might realise the groping is the reason you don’t want him anywhere near you.

Please tell me if I’m being over the top here.
but, several times now my oh has touched me or grabbed me sexually when I haven’t wanted him to.
He did it to me yesterday when I was cleaning , shoving his hands down below .
It made me feel very uncomfortable and uneasy. I haven’t liked having intercourse with him nearly all year due to not just this but, the way he treats me like I’m a item of his

I agree with "I do not ever consent to being groped and nagged for sex. If you continue to do so, you are committing sexual assault."

Having sex when you don't want to is called rape.

Your husband is a rapist who is content to harass you constantly and wear you down until you have nothing left.

It may be a shock to hear this but it is the absolute truth of the situation.

Imagine this was your daughter telling you the same about her boyfriend.

Your husband is a nasty piece of work and thinks you're there for his gratification only. He doesn't love or respect you at all. Marriage is not consent!

Make a phone call to women's aid for a chat. Saying it all out loud might really help to make sense of it all.

Sending love OP.

You could go to counselling yourself. It may help you to decide whether to stay in the marriage or leave.
My DH did the same. He never accused me of being a lesbian or having an affair though. He did listen to me when he asked my why I didn’t want sex any more. I told him I was sick of his groping me, it made me feel he saw me as his fuck toy, a toy he could play with whoever he wanted, I was scared of bending over to pick something up as he’d see it as an opportunity to grope me. Id like to be able to sit next to him without being groped. It was putting me off him, dreaded him being near me and that is he reason I didn’t want sex. I was ‘touched’ out and was sick of it.
Unlike yours my husband mine listened.
zHe was shocked to the core, he told me that it was his way of showing he loved me. I told him loving someone is respecting their boundaries and actually listening them them. I loved him, but unless he reined it in we were done.
He stopped it, the mauling, groping grabbing, I began to feel safe around him again, he told me later he noticed how much happier I was and we got to where we are now, we both respect each other.
Think about counselling for yourself.

@LilyVallerie Leave him. Thirty years is too long. Live the rest of your life in peace.

I am having the same problem for years now. I was trying to do dishes today & he comes from behind me & tries pulling down my pants.
I push him away & then I’m accused of being in love w someone else or being a lesbian. He always will act like it’s me that has a problem (& I actually do. ) We
can never hug or cuddle without having to push away hands from places I dont want to be grabbed or squeezed. I too force myself once a week but I am feeling more resentful & unable to tolerate.
I am so sick & tired and I’m sad we can’t have a healthy relationship 😥 Almost 30 years now and it is not changing. He refuses counseling (bc I am “the one with the problem”)
All his talk to me is mostly sex talk & I am disgusted.

For you the relationship is over. For him it isn’t. Not really soluable without pain for him.

Not a good match

Unwanted sexual contact, like trying to force your hands between someone's legs when they don't want you to is sexual assault. And no sexual assault is not only if you throw someone on the ground and force them down ffs.

For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does

I would expect no less from the type of man who uses the first part of the quote above to justify marital/coercive rape and ignores the second part which actually makes this a passage about consent. You need the consent of both the husband and wife to have sex given the passage above.

Stop using your shitty marriage as a way to justify the OP staying with her husband and then trying to back it up as some kind of morality thing by cherry picking the bible.

And no I won't be responding further because I have no interest in having a debate with someone who twists the bible to suit his own needs to lecture quite possibly non Christians even though the bible says not to do this.

I sincerely hope the Op has resolved her marital issues, but even if she hasn't your comments, and therefore my responses are unlikely to be of help to her and therefore I won't bother her further.

Well, this thread has taken a turn…but I’m not sure it’s too helpful for OP. Still, given we are quoting scripture- I would be tempted to assault him back with a kick to the balls, every -single -time. Eye for an eye and all that.

I didn't look at the date of this thread. It popped up on my news feed today and I read it and replied.
Not sure if you believe in the Bible but it speaks of someone being a stumbling block. That's something or someone that causes someone else to trip and fall. It can mean literally to physically fall or morally or spiritually fall.
An example would be waving drugs or alcohol in front of an addict.
Depriving someone of their physical and/emotional needs to the point that that go elsewhere to fulfill those needs.
1 Corinthians 7 1-5.

I know that. But I do. There are many many people in the world that don't believe in God..

As for sexual assault, I agree that's not good at all.
I'm not sure that I read any sexual assault. Trying to initiate sex by putting your hand on your spouse isn't sexual assault.
If you throw them on the ground, hold them down and force things then I would call that assault.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5
New International Version3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Here it's says that neither man nor woman has authority over their own bodies. Each one yields that authority to the other.
If my spouse wants me to have sex, I don't care if I'm in the mood or not. If I can make things work I'm going to do the best I can to give her what she wants.

I just ran across this post earlier today so I didn't come back weeks later and comment.

I'm not judging anyone. You present the scriptures and it will do the judging.
If you don't mind, reply with the scripture that backs up the other examples that you mentioned. The ones about divorce for example. And any other you would like to present.
You said that the husband doesn't have authority over his own body but the wife does. And vise versa. Does that mean that she's the one that decides when it's time for him to want or need sex?
I've been married to the same person for 27 years. The only marriage I've ever been in. Those 20 years that I spoke of in my original post. I'm not exactly sure what the problem was. She just lost interest in sex. I never once tried to force myself on her. I respected her lack of intimacy towards me. I didn't like doing without and it was indeed miserable but I stuck to my marriage agreement because I don't believe in divorce. I don't know if she was getting it somewhere else. I don't want to know. For some reason, in the last year we have resumed that part of our relationship.
Ok, it's your turn.

There's not many things as miserable as a one sided relationship

Except perhaps being sexually assaulted in your marriage

I personally think that sex is an everyday thing

But if the woman you are having sex with doesn't agree, and you try to force her, that's assault

I feel much better mentally and physically with this routine.

I'm sure the OP would feel better mentally and physically if her husband did a bit more housework and a bit less groping

Even God agrees.

Wow you have a direct line to God and you know exactly what he thinks about your sex life?

The Bible tells married couples not to withhold that from each other unless it is for a time of prayer . Then as soon as that's over with, get back to it. I'm paraphrasing a little bit that's what it says.

That little bit also tells the husband that he doesn't have authority over his body, his wife does. So he should not be trying to force himself on her.

I went without for 20 years. That was the most miserable 20 years of my life.

How does this justify the OP being sexually assaulted

It's actually a sin to neglect the needs of your spouse.

Then perhaps the OPs husbands could pay a little more attention to her needs, and a little less attention to his own?

The bible also tells husbands to respect their wives, something this husband could do with concentrating on a bit more

The issue here is that, if you are a Christian, there's only one legitimate biblical reason for divorce. That's adultery.
If one of the two causes the other to commit adultery then the one is just as much to blame as the other.

Actually it's not only adultery it's sexual immorality. And given another passage in the bible separates sexual immorality and adultery then there is no reason to assume they are one and the same.

There are in fact several reasons in the bible given as to why someone can divorce. Sexual immorality adultery, neglect/abuse, slavery.

In fact there is only one senario where divorce is actually forbidden. That's if a man rapes a woman and then marries her he is not allowed to divorce her. It actually never says she isn't allowed to divorce him

If you are going to come back to the OPs posts weeks later and lecture her on being a good Christian when you don't even know if she is a Christian at least do it with some foundation in the scripture instead of defiling the scripture to justify the OPs husband sexually assaulting her. You may think that this makes you a good Christian but perhaps it would help to think on some of these other parts of the bible:

Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.

Well we don't all believe in God and the bible, @jedagi

@jedagi why did you feel the need to drag up an old thread to tell op it’s going to be her fault if her husband cheats on her?

You are right, having a loving respectful husband who is also capable of understanding the word no (and also feels empowered to say it himself if he is not in the mood) and is also capable of pulling his weight around the house is such a sad love life. Its a wonder I've been married for 16 years with such a man...

I have never actually used the word evil in relation to me until replying to you, that is your wording. But actually in this case its very simple. Assuming the OP is telling the truth, and in general that's how I approach posts otherwise what is the point, her partner is groping her between the legs after she has asked him to stop. That's sexual assault. It doesn't need a whole book to explain this.

But this will be my last reply to you. You are making personally offensive remarks about my life now and your repeated assertions that rape within marriage is not possible and that everything men do wrong is women's fault is not helping the thread.