Was this Dr rude ?

With all die respect, if your Mum was wrestling a loud unsettled and dis-regulated toddler she wouldn’t exactly be in a position to be engaged with the appointment or ask relevant and useful questions would she?

Dr wasn’t rude you were

your not a wheelchair user are you? most of England is not accessable.

New builds are suppose to be but most building are exempted due to 'historic status', its a MASSIVE pita trying to organise anything for my wheelchair friends and family because virtually nothing round here is accessable.

Both parents were allowed in to see my son's consultant in our community hospital yesterday as long as we wore their surgical masks. Same on the children's ward but only during the day. It does vary from area to area at the moment.

Can I ask how you were allowed in the clinic? In my area no one but the patient is allowed in the clinic/hospital/surgery or if with a child only one parent with them. Unfortunately as a family we have had several serious medical issues lately and it has been so difficult to attend alone. However, those are the firm rules so we have to abide by them.This has been the same way since the beginning of covid and they are all medical establishments are very strict about this. Are you in an area/country where covid isn't a problem?

The intention seems to have been to get a medical opinion on your baby but they almost seem forgotten about in this whole drama. You were unreasonable for bringing so many people into a consultation.

I'm a GP. Yes I'm good with kids. I'll go out of my way to engage and settle a child and I'll take time to do this. I will of course do this with children who aren't the patient as well and I don't resent at all if the single mother has to bring her troop of 7 kids to the appointment. However...

1. Please understand that an unruly child makes the appointment really difficult, sometimes virtually impossible. It's beyond distracting and I can't possibly concentrate fully on taking a history about a child or examining them if they or another child are screaming so loudly I can't think or worse are climbing on medical bins or playing with dangerous medical equipment (yes it happens a lot more than you'd think)

2. Taking 1 into acount it really does grind a bit when there's a sibling in the consultation if it's obvious they could have just been kept away like in this case

3. Believe it or not it's actually quite intimidating being a doctor. Being outnumbered 4:1 is quite overhelming especially in a small consultation room.

For these reasons I strongly advise people to leave siblings elsewhere where they possibly can and if you know a child is unruly to at least have them in a buggy or something for the 10 minute consultation so that they're safe and out of focus. It's my job to know how to handle kids yes but it absolutely isn't my job to teach you or your child basic safety or boundaries or enforce those boundaries. You should be doing that yourself as the parent.

Next time OP I promise you will get more out of the appointment just taking baby if it's possible if you need mum's input then perhaps let her help you write down your concerns/questions before you go in rather than all going x

As much as you might need support, your baby needs the doctor to be able to work efficiently and no one finds that easy with a toddler all over the place. You haven't specified the concern but eyes, hearing, neurological assessments would all be incredibly hard and compromised in these circumstances. That was more important and should come first next time.

I would take the firmer hand comment as a figure of speech to be a bit more assertive with your parenting, rather than physically using your hands.

I'm still waiting for OP to reveal the room that was in a paediatrician's office that had toys but was so dangerous that they had to leave but not before finishing making up a bottle. Were they actually in a clinic room?

Really difficult for dr to listen to heart, chest, bowel sounds, ask your questions & listen to your concerns (and think!) with a loud toddler around.

I am a paediatrician and I think the doctor
was pretty poor to be honest.

I'm a community doc and I see ALOT of children with really shocking behaviour and would never say they need a firmer hand. That is awful. That doctor is seeing a snapshot of you and had no idea of the background circumstances!

I have sibs in all the time, especially at this time of year. They come, they interrupt, they tell you stuff. I interact with them a bit and give them some toys. If they kick off, I stop, wait til they are settled and then carry on. If there was no settling and there was another adult, I might have politely suggested waiting in the waiting room, but usually while saying something like 'oh, it's so tough being two' not commenting on your parenting. If there was no settling at all and no other adult, I would do all the face to face stuff and arrange to call you at a later date to do the talking bit. Also sometimes my lovely clinic support worker will take them and play with them (if they will happily separate)

Also, always happy to be recorded as long as I am told about it first.

I don't think the way she behaved would mean that you developed rapport and confidence with her and this means she will not be as effective. This is why communication is important.

That is taking out the whole private thing. I'm an NHS doctor.

I also have multiple children and sometimes it all goes to shit! Don't fret! Tomorrow is a new day!

Yes, the doctor was very rude. Seems like they don't like children, really. I totally understand why you would want another adult there for support or a second pair of ears, especially if the baby has health concerns which I presume is the case. Not sure why PP are sympathising with fictional possible other patients when you are an actual patient at this practice with your baby.

Also, why would the receptionist direct you to a room with toys that is unsafe for a toddler? This practice sounds strange and I wouldn't be returning.

I wouldn’t worry about the posts from this poster. They’re a bit…notorious.

You’ve obviously not been to Harley Street.

Your mum should have stayed at home with your toddler. She sounds hugely disruptive. And you should record the appointment on your phone in Voice Memos. Doctors never mind if you ask. They often speak up and are extra attentive as there’s clearly a reason you would record it. It’s not an unusual request.

Also, private doctors are much more accessible than NHS so any further queries you would have had, you could have directed to their secretary/emailed to them directly and they’d have probably been back in touch quickly.

What a rude doctor - and a paediatrician too. I hope your baby is okay. Next time, as others have said, let mum look after the older child and see the doctor on your own with the baby. I'm surprised at the lack of sympathy shown to you.

Do as the Dr suggested and tale a firmer hand with her or leave her at home

This is solely looking from OPS point of view. This what OP describes happens quite often in health care settings and it's unacceptable and disrespectful to everyone else so whilst it seems "harmless" it's not a one off. It's very very common and the Dr probably was brisk for good reason.

As a mum you love your kids but for the Dr to actually VOICE OP kid needs a firmer hand..........

,^This^ The doctor might have been a bit short. But it was the OP and her mother who was rude. The Dr will have a number of patients to get through. They're time is limited.She doesn't need the whole family turning up and an attention seeking brat to deal with.

I work in a Childrens outpatients department & while I totally get (& we welcome) having to bring siblings if you're alone & have no other childcare options it really does add to the noise of the waiting room & delays the appointment. The doctor just wants to talk to you, about the child who needs the appointment without having to answer a curious siblings questions, stop them playing with the equipment , listen to nan/aunt adding her opinion. This then makes everybody else's appointment late Toddler should have been at home with grandma or at least in the waiting room & just you in the appointment with baby. The room being unsafe seems strange, & yes it would have taken you a minute to gather stuff up again if you were settled but if you could hear the toddler having a meltdown then I would have just popped everything in a bag as quick as possible & made the bottle up elsewhere, or teach granny for next time.
We have different clinics running alongside each other, so although we wouldn't put the oncology children alongside a general clinic we could still have some very unwell children in or families receiving bad news so we do try & limit (& as I said we know it's not always possible) the amount of people in the waiting room. Anyway, I'm sure next time will be easier & now you know their set up can plan around that to make it as easy for you as possible

"the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe"

Very odd that a pediatrician's office had a special room with toys where you could feed the baby but wasn't safe for a toddler.

Perhaps the dr reacted because other patients were complaining either from the behaviour or the fact you brought the whole family, when they may have been told they wasn't aloud to bring partners due to covid restrictions. In the future when going to appointments I suggest you write questions down before you go so you don't struggle so much alone.

This was a private appt not an NHS setting.

A lot of comments here seem to have missed that and also don't understand that the appt may well have not been in a hospital setting.

The rules around who can visit and the allocation of suitable rooms and access can be very different.

For example, I have friends who work as counsellors (both for NHS-funded clients and privately.)

One of their venues is not disable-friendly, but this is made clear before a client sees them.

Private consultants often lease rooms in different buildings, which are far removed from hospital settings.

Having said that, I think the OP should have avoided taking her mother and toddler.

Probably a second consulting room, where a doctor sees children, but it was empty at the time. They might well have some toys in there to distract or interact with their patients, but it will also be full of equipment, and fixtures which aren’t intended for toddlers to mess with. The doctor probably offered this space for a feed, expecting that the rampaging toddler would be removed from the building while this went on - but intervened when the whole circus decided to stay together.

Honestly, the OP seems utterly un-self-aware. The appointment sounds like a nightmare, the OP and the GM clearly had no idea how to behave (not taking the toddler in to the consulting room, or removing her immediately she wasn’t still and quiet), and were ineffectual at managing her behaviour. I’m not surprised that the doctor intervened and asked them to leave. The disruption for other parents and poorly children would have been awful. I wonder if the OP would have insisted on the same setup if she’d been seeing a solicitor, or a bank manager? Just because the doc was a paediatrician doesn’t mean that she should have to put up with a misbehaving child who isn’t even a patient!

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

Yet you say this in your first post!