Set 18years old a curfew

Sorry…thats ridiculous! 18 is an adult even though they dont act it. Make them understand its a two way street. They come home when they like but dont disturb you. You in turn use silicone ear plugs! You chose to have kids…they keep you awake from day 1…but you are being silly with this.

🤣🤣 clearly I had too late a night last night, did not even notice.

This is a thread from July 2022.

Yes you are being unreasonable. Give her a key, go to bed when you want to and lock your door. Tell her to be quiet when she comes in.

OP, you say they are free to go and live elsewhere, would you really want that? I’m totally confused here, in one breath you want them in by 9:30 in another you are comfortable with them moving out.

Ground rules about being quiet when they come in fine.

Curfew for an adult - ridiculous

I see OP hasn't been back. I think this must be a windup.

I don't want to be worrying if they aren't back or if the house isn't locked up

@oregan49 - so just stop worrying. It's not your son or daughter's job to manage your anxiety for you.

The poster who is letting their 17 year old go to town - grow up and stop trying to be a cool mum. Your dd is a child still.

LOL. In a year's time kids who are now 17 will be off on their own in university. How are they going to manage on their own in a new city if they haven't been allowed to practice in their own home town?

To be fair, my sleep IS quite important, given that I'm the person who then goes out to work & provides for my teenage dc. I'll be paying towards their sundry gap years & uni for a good decade, & I am bloody knackered.

I did indeed 'have my time being young' & I am still perfectly capable of cutting the occasional late night caper now in my early 50s,

So we have household strategies to mitigate the disruption of people rolling in late.

Let me know you will be home late/not at all, don't burn the house down embarking on elaborate drunken cooking experiments, don't do an All Back To Mine of 20 people that I'm not expecting, try not to drown anyone in the pool, & clean up any vomit so the housekeeper isn't pushing it down the plughole in 24 hours time.

Honestly, I don't think that's unreasonable. OP's curfew though - bonkers.

Sorry but setting a curfew for an adult is not only ridiculous but bound to fail. They will inevitably stay out all night just to be able to stay out, then you really won’t know where they are or if you’re safe.

I had v strict parents as a teen and I lied to them about where I was. I wish they realised that had they not been so untrusting and ridiculous I may not have lied so much
🤷‍♀️

10pm seems ridiculous for an 18 year old. Is that every night, or do you allow later at weekends? Plenty of activities even for younger teens don't finish until after 9.30, and if they're at the pub it would be embarrassing to have to leave that early. "Sorry, we'll have to do an earlier showing at the cinema, I'm not allowed out that late..." - is that reasonable?!

I understand the problem of you needing sleep, but I think you have to find another solution - them being quieter coming in, maybe sleeping downstairs, if necessary seeing if they can sleep over at a friend's (particularly if it's midweek), earplugs.

If you continue with a 10pm curfew, you might find they opt for the staying-with-a-friend option, with or without telling you in advance.

wtf.. I wouldn’t allow my child to sleep in the shed ffs. That’s awful.

Terrible. Your house is their home too. Don’t be surprised when they want nothing to do with you once they are moved out!

Ah hear now. That's bonkers. I know you worry but 10pm is ridiculous. You'll really damage your relationship if you carry on like this a

Do you set them a bed time too 🙄

We have a 19yo & I totally get you in the disturbance on getting in & the worry, but the worry is your issue, not your DDs & you need to put rules in place about respecting the household when she gets in. A curfew at 18 is not the way to go, unless you want them to see you as a control freak & distance themselves from yiu at the first opportunity

DD is now quite capable of locking up the house when she gets in & creeping in quietly. That responsibility has also meant she was seen as able to open up & lock up the pub where she works part time, earning her extra money.

Don't babyfy them. Let them grow up & learn & yiu learn to let go a bit & relax. They are adults

How ridiculous to give an adult a curfew. He's a young adult, you had your time being young and going out, allow him the same respect. Your sleep is not more important than his night out, the same as how you are not more important than him.

I'm not commenting on your children's success. I'm meaning it's not their job to manage your anxiety - I am also happily married but that doesn't mean I am not anxious and hyper vigilant because my family would consistently pull me up on my whereabouts and allow me no privacy when I was younger so now I feel guilty day in and day out if I don't overshare and explain myself.

My comments were directed at you, not OP.

@steamorange I'm pleased to tell you that my other two daughters did they same they are both now happily married with their own babies. We are still close and have a lovely relationship. Please be kind to the OP x

A curfew for an 18 year old???
Mine have a door key to come and go as they please, as I did at that age.
They're adults, not kids.
You sound controlling and needy.
Don't be surprised when your kids decide to give you the fuck you message and go out of the door permanently.

My parents would bolt the door at 11pm. If I came home after that it was time to climb over the garden wall and try to sleep in the shed. Door would be unbolted when they got up.

Amazingly I quickly learnt to be home by 11pm most of the time (or just stay at a friends). I did also buy a sleeping bag and camp bed for the shed just in case but it didn't get used much.

Sorry 10pm as an adult? Piss off OP that's insane.

Bit early op. I have 18&21 in the house and have no curfew. They have a key and know to be quiet. They’re not out every night though and I do ask that they tell me if they’re not coming home so I can lock up.

That’s ridiculous for an 18 year old. DS normally comes in between 1.30 and 2.30 am on a night out. There isn’t a curfew though so he could come in later if he wanted. He comes in quietly, locks the door, gets something to eat and then goes to his room. He texts when he gets in so that if I wake up I can just check my phone and know that he’s in the house. I rarely hear him come in although I just about heard him close his bedroom door this morning. And I get up at 5am most mornings for work.