Prom Queen??? Really??

One of them goes to a private school very close to the beach.

so it was was a bbq and party on the beach

but no daft prom dresses or the like

perhaps it’s more of a geographical thing?

oh they celebrate but tends to very different to a “prom”

ie game or quick cricket and a bbq with some sneaky drinks and a fair bit of snogging

Have friends in 4 of the local private schools - they are all having proms. Seems rather miserable not to have a party after the hard work of GCSEs and to say goodbye to school and teachers.

certainly my childrens private schools aren’t doing and not a whiff of a demand for them and not heard of any of the other ones around her either

Really? All the private schools in our small city have end of term leavers balls/proms pretty indistinguishable from the state schools. Though weirdly theirs were before the GCSEs which seemed daft to me but guess they had their reasons.

it is very much a state school “thing” the entire prom nonsense

YANBU, leavings parties are great but why do the whole queen/king thing? This puts unnecessary stresss onto something that should be about relaxing and having fun. Glad this wasn't a thing for my nephews, thely literally just had a disco and made fun smartshow 3d slides with photos to laugh at each other kindly.

Yes it isn't just that one moment it is the culmination of 12 or 14 years of education where you have never been the popular/sporty/attractive or whatever kid and it ends with the ones who have been the popular/successful/team captains validated yet again as you look on.

I know a teenage boy who is clever, good looking, sporty. Through his time at senior school they have done a thing where they pick one kid at the end of sports to be the useless one (I won't say what they call them but it isn't nice) and they have that title until the next session. When I've said how unkind it is he's always said things like people on here have said, "It's a joke, no one takes it seriously, don't be so miserable etc." Well one week he got it and his view has totally changed.

As someone with a child who was useless at sport I spoke to a PE teacher one day about the fact that I felt they had no idea how it felt to be the kid who constantly had the mickey taken as they can't catch a ball or always come in last at the cross country. He said I was wrong, the kid who always comes in way behind the other on a cross country race is clapped on and cheered and everyone gathers round to watch him finish. I said had he ever thought that however well meant that was had he ever thought how it felt to be puffing and blowing, red in the face and listening to the cheering, clapping, whistling and was he sure it sounded supportive or might it just sound like people making fun of him? He went quiet and couldn't answer me.

Some things are just needlessly cruel. Let kids enjoy their prom/disco/ball/party but don't make it so some feel failures because they never win anything, can never afford to dress like the cool kids etc.

My son went in for Prom Queen. Not sure who made the final decision but he didn't win, however he and his mates still maintain he was the 'student's choice'. That was nearly 15 years ago when diversity etc was barely mentioned. He would probably win now!

Was trying to think how to make this point but AHKL said it so much better.

Gosh it must feel wonderful to be recognised as so unpopular that you get the sympathy vote for prom.

The snark here when it comes to American traditions says a lot more about culture and society in the UK than it does about the US.

Yep.

We had prom King and Queen at my school leavers prom 15 years ago. It was a bit of fun and none of us are mentally scarred from it

Yes, but this is MN where anything fun (especially if it is imported from another country) is frowned upon.

It's patronising of the kids. A sympathy vote. Like those kids in wheelchairs are their pets. It sounds like one of those horribly sentimental things that gets put on Facebook.

They're young. They probably don't get it yet. But it makes me wince, and wonder how those kids in wheelchairs have been 'othered' throughout their time at that school and why that hasn't been addressed.

Yes, debs have been a huge thing in Ireland for probably a century, maybe longer, and the limo horror here is rather quaint considering the fact that entire Irish towns turn out to see off the young people in limos and party buses and borrowed sports cars, all dressed to the nines and that's just the lads...

In Northern Ireland they have had "proms" since my day!!

So 30 years ago. But we called it the "formal". In ROI they have a "debs" (debutants) ball.

So it's not a new thing or an American import. I was at an all girls school tho so no prom queens!

This

We had may ball back in 1996. Its not a new thing.

Precisely.

It's no longer the 1950s.

The snark here when it comes to American traditions says a lot more about culture and society in the UK than it does about the US.

What does it mean if any of these are the reason for the kids being unhappy with the headteacher's approach?
It means the kids are less up themselves and more open minded than a lot of posters here.

Because all the kids in the US don't treat is as a validation in the conventional way? How very evolved of American kids

Why are the girls refusing to go? Because it's not at a hotel? Because the headteacher wants it to be affordable every parent? Because they can't dress up in expensive clothes? What does it mean if any of these are the reason for the kids being unhappy with the headteacher's approach?

It's fun for the popular pretty kids that win. For that moment. But not fun for those that dont win. Over time kids start building up to it 2 to 3 years beforehand with all the catness involved. It also fuels insecurity even for winners. Proponents may say they dont just look at physical attributes but most of these include or even prioritize looks and popularity not necessarily kindness as they may say. We have a world too materialistic, too insta and one that fuels competition and insecurity so much we've developed serious health and social problems unknown and unimaginable 50 years ago. Let's not add even one more stick to the bonfire

I don't see how it's "unfair" on the unpopular kids. Only one person wins so its "unfair" on the other 249 kids? It's not like they read out a list of hope many votes each child received.

We had a prom King and Queen at my prom in 2007 so it's not exactly a brand new trend.

I also remember our year book had a section with "best couple", "best legs" (male and female), most likely to be prime minister, most likely to be famous etc. chosen by vote of the whole year group and a residential trip I went on had similar "awards" at the end (I think chosen by the teachers). I don't recall anyone being up in arms about it at the time as it was just fun, but maybe the parents were seething about how American and unfair it was.

We didn’t have Prom Queen but we had a prom at my all-girls grammar school in 2002.