AIBU to just do this?

Because the eldest is still under a CPP and his dad was engineering any visitation to include him as well (to try and get closer to me I think) so if it's supervised then it lets me see my child without him influencing things.

Can I ask whether the two boys have different fathers? I was a bit confused about that. Why do you need supervised visits with your eldest child? Now that your younger child is in care can you not have your older child back again?

That is a positive update OP, and I am glad to read it.

Wishing you and your children well.

Mind yourself.

Op you’ve been through so much, I hope you can settle into a ‘new normal’ and find some peace and happiness. I think you’re incredible for getting through what you’ve been through without getting sectioned at any point!

I'm glad to hear things are at least a bit settled!
Are you starting to feel recovered at all?

A little update.

Things are better but still tricky.

Eldest remains at his dads and on a CPP whilst they iron out any parenting assessments. He is at new school and doing well.
I am seeing him once a week supervised whilst they sort out proper contact.
I have elected to not see youngest until now. He has now gone under LA 51/49% and remains in a good place with his foster parent. He has also started full time in a mainstream setting.

I haven't heard from exH, but I have met someone a month or so ago who has been very lovely to me and we have just spent the weekend doing my garden in preparation for selling it in the divorce. He doesn't have kids or any significant ex wives etc and it's quite nice to just have adult time.

After the last failed effort, it must be so hard to actually plan and feel safe enough to relax. I suppose, one day at a time. Schedule a few low key treats- bath and candles, movie and popcorn. Whatever floats your boat. You'll start to feel a bit more secure as time goes on.

Yeah it's incredibly difficult to come to terms with it course. Glad to be keeping busy but still, it's a lot.

I was. But not like yours- I was originally an emergency placement, then a bridging placement, then they went to relatives, then came back and after a while were made 'permanent'. But a while after that I had some unaddressed health needs, the DC were extremely challenging (though not like your lad) and I wasn't coping well. My DC and husband were fed up. Things were getting worse not better. I realised I wasn't coping- that I wasn't safely managing them. I had to ask for them to be moved. It was all done carefully and so on. But I wasn't able to properly stay in touch. (Not my fault).

It's a much longer and messier story, I only intended to say that I know what it's like to be unable to carry on looking after your dc.

So you were the foster carer? Just hope she can manage him.

Oh gosh, what an awful situation. I really hope this placement works out for you.

Be gentle with yourself too, OP - this will be such a huge change to adapt to. A break away sounds like a great idea.

It's going to be hard for a while, even if all goes to plan.

I had to end a fostering placement in not too dissimilar circumstances. I'd thought the children would be with me forever.
It was awful and took a while to recover. I had a long summer doing not a lot before I really began to recover.

Really too soon to say. The fact that I can go out after 6pm is marred by grief and sadness around him not being here ultimately. It was so hard caring for him but the house feels ever so empty now. It's a hard balance.

So yes he settled in ok yesterday, I had a call from social care around 4pm yesterday to say he was doing fine. Nothing since then, disconcerting but have to keep faith he is ok.
I've been busy with work and my friend took me out for pizza last night so I was kept occupied and away from home which was good to be honest.

Hopefully hear Monday how he is.
I did express to them clearly that he is not able to return home if placement breaks down, remains to be seen what they would do however!

Well done. Make some time for yourself now.

Sending you a handhold OP xx

Else DC = elder DC

I've just caught up, glad you've finally gotten some relief. You've done all you can, it can't have been an easy decision despite the very tough situation. Take care of yourself and your else DC, trust in the foster carers (?) To look after dc2.
💐💐

I really hope this placement is successful. Can you terminate your parental rights so that the local authority HAS to find alternative solutions if this placement fails?

Sorry if this has already been answered OP, but do you anticipate you'll want to take younger DC back at any point?

You need to rest and recharge before you contemplate the return of your other child from their father.

Take a break abroad and get your well.

Yes to reaching out ONLY to very supportive people......be very selective!

I’ve just read the whole thread. Sending you lots of 🍫Holiday sounds like a good idea, you must be totally exhausted.

I think I will take some leave and go on a little break abroad too. Really need to recuperate.

I am just so so tired. On call today so am distracted by work somewhat but worried about the evenings and nights when I'm alone. Have booked onto some night overtime but need to try and enter my friendship circles again I think. My world had become so small.

Wow! I don't know what to say- I guess, better luck this time? And I hope it sticks. That you get a decent rest, and that DS1 comes home soon.

I have a friend whose DC has moved into residential care this week. Similar reasons. It's very hard. Beyond hard. Unthinkable, until you realise it's essential.

Actually, probably more appropriate than flowers, today.