Reservations over Dads new will?

Oops 😬 sorry

Zombie thread

What would happen if he needs to pay care home fees. He probably needs to marry DP so that he isn’t forced to sell the house for fees and she is allowed to stay there.

Assuming DF’s partner lives 23 years (I think she’s 60) and that she and the DS (and any others partners or friends who also want to move in)pay nothing towards the house, I think you might be better to ask for the houseboat and give the DP the house. You’d get 35,000 in your hand now instead of say 300,000 in 2046, minus any costs it has incurred.

@beachcitygirl i encouraged my mum to spend all her money before she died. She wouldn’t! And then she got into her 80’s and couldn’t due to mobility issues. She just got too old to travel.

we don’t need her money, in fact she stayed with us completely free of charge when my dad died. We paid for numerous holidays for her, even though she had plenty of money. We are very generous (she was a bit stingy tbh). However, if she had “fallen in love” with a new man that needed to rely on her cash to house him and meet his financial needs, I would have been concerned that the new love was a bit of a cocklodger.

if new love had paid halfies for trips to bondi beach, Paris or skiing in zermatt that would have been a wonderful end to a life well lived. However if new love had expected mum to fund all this, I would have been 🙄

and if she had decided to leave her house, boat and cash to new love I would have been gutted. And my dad would have been turning in his grave!

I don’t think you can say I’m “grabby”. And I don’t think op or other pps are either. Probably more concerned that their elderly parents are being taken for a ride. Not nice to see!

[quote beachcitygirl]@Quartz2208 Nope. I wouldn't support mums partner.
I would find that responsibility stressful, so I would refuse the delayed inheritance & tell her to spend her money or leave it to her partner. 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
Rather than try to see if there was a workable solution to it all? Because that is the point here. Done properly with the amount of savings etc the father has (plus the benefits etc the partner would get) there is a solution that works.

Which is what the OP needs to communicate effectively with her father to make sure that is achieved.

@Quartz2208 Nope. I wouldn't support mums partner.
I would find that responsibility stressful, so I would refuse the delayed inheritance & tell her to spend her money or leave it to her partner. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@beachcitygirl yes I have posted from the start. And if you have been reading from the start will see that the OP's issue is that she would like some assurances from her father than his plan will be implemented sensibly and with a way of ensuring that his partner can maintain the house rather than it being her responsibility.

Which is not grabby. I watched Greg Wise on Loose Women today (dont judge) and he said that our inability to deal with the fact that we are going to die means that important discussions as to how things should be handled simply aren't done. It shouldn't be seen as grabby making sure that everything is in order for when you die - it is sensible. If it is her father and his partner wishes that she lives in the house if he dies and support herself.

As I said would you be happy if your Mum expected you to support her partner when she died - because that is the matter. Not that someone has fallen in love

@Quartz2208 have you read the full thread?
The op doesn't have to do this.

She doesn't have to do anything.
She can refuse the inheritance

And yes I can say that because I don't think anyone has any right to inheritance.

More than that I find people who EXPECT money or assets from their parents - & are annoyed that their parents find love or move on or spend their own money - somewhat repulsive.

But I found grabby less offensive.
Love is not the premise of the young.

Sadly some of these posters have also lost a parent. It's very sad but death ends a marriage.

Wonderfully they have found new loves & respectfully both men want to make sure that their partners are cared for if they live longer.
The dads sound totally lovely.

I cannot for the life of me fathom not celebrating that.

If OP doesn't want the 'responsibility or issues' she can refuse the 'delayed-inheritance' and all it's associated problems.

Quartz2208 exactly. beachcitygirl accuses others of dramatics and then composes her own lyrical flights of fancy about wishing her mother had someone to drive her through Paris in a Porsche and do various other perfume advert type activities with; its natural to suspect she's equally hypocritical on the "grabby" front. Certainly her determinedly blinkered posts are heavy on the use of her favourite word. It makes her unconvincing.

@beachcitygirl but the OP is concerned that she will have to spend her own money supporting this - which is a real possibility. It is completely different from encouraging a parent to spend the money on themselves

Can you honestly tell me if your Mum remarried and move someone in and gave them a life interest in her flat but because they had no income the chances are you would have to potentially spend your own money on the upkeep of the property you would be happy?

And what is with the sheer number of times you say grabby - methinks the lady doth protest too much

@Northernparent68 its the fathers money, she left it to him, she could've left it for her children, had she so wished.

The DF inherited it, it is his.

His choice!

It's not your mums money, she left it to your dad, it is his.

Just not grabby.

Also many estates are drained by care fees so safer to assume you won’t inherit and certainly not to rely on that - anything you do inherit is a pleasant bonus.

beachcitygirl you're pretending not to see the difference between being happy to see a parent happy and being happy to see them not spend their money on themselves but rather save it to leave to someone else.

I get what you mean OP. It does sound like you are happy to let her live in the home but being ‘a landlord without the rent’ would strike me with fear as you have a lot on your plate already and this is a lot of extra stress and expense if you are liable for all upkeep. It also sounds like you are certain her son would move in, I would be worried about getting him out again once your fathers partner passes on. Also if she stops paying the bills, are you liable for them.
The thing I would be most annoyed about is your fathers lack of thought and care for you in this-like you should be thrilled about all this rather than worried about the practical implications, and not being open to talking it through.

@Changechangychange

Who is swindling ? Which kids are trying to swindle? Who is the "gold digger"

I see an OP whose dad has decided to let his partner remain safe & comfy in retirement with HIS money.

I see another poster whose dad fell in love & married, the wife sold her house - joined finances with her husband & on their death the assets and/or money will be split equally between all of their children.

Maybe cut the dramatics change?

@beachcitygirl Do you have children? If I died and DH left my estate, money that I spent my whole life earning, to some random woman’s kids instead of DS, I would be incandescent. I’d expect DS to be upset that my wishes had been disrespected as well. That isn’t grabby - the grabbiness is coming from the stepfamily trying to swindle the first wife’s children out of her estate. What possible rights do they have to inherit it?

@MrsDThomas

My mother is. My father is not. He died suddenly & tragically. Had he lived & been alone I'd have formed a cheerleading squad had he found a woman to marry & love & kiss.

I have heavily encouraged my mum to move into a much smaller flat, to release the cash built up by them both & spend spend spend.

See her sisters (both live abroad) feel safe, happy, spendthrift, comfortable, fall in love. Wear the designer dress. Buy the expensive shoes. Spoil her grandkids. Treat her pals.

Go on the cruise. Life is too too short.

I hope when she goes, she has spent every brass cent enjoying herself or splurging on the person who made her golden years fun & happy. I hope she's driven through paris in a sports car, I hope she's drank champagne at the top of the Eiffel Tower & sunbathed on Bondi beach.

I am an adult & responsible for myself & my finances for good or bad. Even tho she & I have a difficult relationship. I want her golden years spent living it up.

She owes me nothing.

@beachcitygirl are your parents still alive?

The same as neither you nor I know the deceased mums feelings.

And it doesn't change the fact that the money is her dads now. Full stop.

If he's happy, be happy for him, not grabby.

beachcitygirl most reasonable people encourage their parents to spend their money enjoying their retirement/ making their later years as comfortable as possible and are happy to see their parents doing so. That is not remotely the same thing as genuinely being happy after one parent dies to see the other not spending their money enjoying life but rather changing their will to leave their money or family home to people the deceased parent never knew. It's very hard not to feel rejected as an adult child (and hurt on behalf of the parent who died first trusting their spouse) in the second context.

Comparing encouraging your parents to enjoy spending their money while alive to being happy to see one parent leave both parents ' home and money to a third party is completely and utterly disingenuous and does not prove your moral superiority to people in a situation you didn't face.

Maybe she seen a kind, funny, clever, warm man intelligent man, maybe she seen a fellow bookworm or sports guy or gorgeous brown eyes..
Maybe she seen great sex and companionship.

In other words maybe she seen exactly what everyone does in the person they fall in love with.

Love is not the sole preserve of the young.

Maybe they just fell head over heels in love.

If you were a decent person you would be over the moon your dad is happy.

She didn't according to you have nothing. She had a home & sold it & they blended their lives.

I thought the op of this thread took the biscuit - you take the whole damm packet!