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AIBU?

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Original poster

To sever joint tenancy even though DH doesn't agree??

92 replies

FigOPig · 30/01/2022 20:34

My husband and I own our house, both on the deeds.

When we bought it we naively didn't really talk much about what would happen on death, we didn't even have a will, and we proceeded as joint tenants without really giving much thought as to what it would mean.

Anyway, fast forward to now and we have a son together. My husband also has two older children from his ex.

I've been thinking more and more about this lately and I would like to change to tenants in common so I can ensure my 50% of the house goes to DS. It is likely to be the only thing of real substance we have to leave the children as we don't have huge amounts of assets.

I would like to do our wills so that whoever is left has life time occupancy of the property but it's then split 50% to DS and DHs half to whoever he wishes (obviously likely to be the children).

DH doesn't agree and wants to keep as joint tenants so the house passes wholly to whoever is left. It would then leave that person free to give it to whoever they wish in their will. In theory if it were me, I could not give DSC anything at all or if it were DH, he could split it evenly between the 3 which I don't feel is fair.

Anyway, I've been reading up and it seems you don't actually need the other owners permission to go ahead.

If DH really puts his foot down and says no to doing it amicably, WIBU to do it anyway?

I really don't feel comfortable with the idea of not being able to control my share of the house and leave it to my son. It's what I wish to do with it if something ever happened to me.

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 31/01/2022 08:19

@Mogul you are not the only one. I love my kids but the idea of leaving dh unable to be cared for in old age so they can get their slice of the pie makes me sick.

I dont think people realise what being left to the mercy of state provision actually looks like. Sad

OperationRinka · 31/01/2022 07:38

If you divorced then severing the joint tenancy would be step two anyway, step one would be changing your wills.

RedHelenB · 31/01/2022 07:35

What would the position be if you were to divorce?

sashh · 31/01/2022 07:22

You should probably go ahead.

I'd ask him about some specific circumstances eg you are both in a bad car crash, one of you dies immediately, the other on the way to hospital.

If you die first then each child will inherit 1/3 of the house which will have to be sold so they can inherit the cash (obviously they could come to an agreement, one could buy the others out ).

If your DH died first then you would inherit for a few mins and it would then go 100% to your son.

If your DS was in the car with you and he died, after both of you, then the house would go to your family, again leaving out his two older sons.

Sorry to make you thing about horrible scenarios but they are better thought about and provision made.

Twinkleylight · 31/01/2022 06:59

We've own our home as tenants in common to ensure our children receive inheritance in the event of death and remarriage. Both dh and I have wills drawn up leaving each half of the property to the kids. Our solicitor also put in a life time interest clause in for the surviving partner.

Mogul · 31/01/2022 06:13

I think this thread is really sad, I would want my OH to have the value of the house to move or pay for his care once I was gone, isn't that what a partnership is? I would hate to think one of my parents left the other unable to do this just so they can leave me money.

gonnabeok · 31/01/2022 03:40

Yes you can just do it you don't need their permission. I did it through a solicitor when writing my will. They send a form to the land registry to notify them of the change to tenants in common.

Geppili · 31/01/2022 02:49

Do it. Do you have a Will?

TigerLilyTail · 31/01/2022 01:57

Does he give a reason for not wanting to change things?

My friend's parents wanted to leave everything to her oldest brother and she and her youngest brother would get nothing. I guess her parents saw him as taking over the running of the house and that was the most important thing that the house stayed in the family and wasn't sold and split upon their deaths.

It's not a point of view that I agree with but it's still a point of view. Does the OP's house have some kind of history to it?

silentpool · 31/01/2022 01:19

I think someone on a previous thread added language to theirs or knew of someone who did, where there was a lifetime interest granted (until the spouse cohabits with a partner or moves someone else in eg kids/relatives) or if the property is unable to be occupied (due to care home). Those events trigger the sale.

Thought that was useful!

LetsGoParty · 31/01/2022 00:52

I think you should try and sell the idea to your husband a bit more. It's in everyone's interests to do it.

SportsMother · 31/01/2022 00:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cantleave · 31/01/2022 00:36

@MadeForThis

If it remains as joint tenants and you die first, it isn't just the house being divided in three you need to worry about. He could marry again and the house could go to his new wife on his death. All the kids could get nothing.
I knew a man who did worse than this. He had been having an affair for many years, but his invalid wife didn’t know anything about it. She had brought the money into the relationship and was very well off. They didn’t have any children and the wife wanted her estate to go to her nieces, when they both died. The were really like surrogate daughters to her and helped to look after her, take her out etc. He had agreed with this, with the estate firstly going to the survivor, then to the nieces. Unfortunately, she stupidly trusted him to carry out her wishes, and didn’t specify this in her Will!

When his wife died, he obviously got everything, which included 3 houses and a profitable business. When he died not long after, he had changed his Will and left everything to his mistress, completely cutting out the nieces! He didn’t even let the nieces have any of her jewellery.

timeisnotaline · 31/01/2022 00:31

This is the obvious thing to do when children aren’t all joint isn’t it? Do you think he just needs reassurance that his rights to live there and treat it like his won’t be affected? I’d certainly want to understand what happens re renovating or if you had to sell etc when you only have live in rights to half the house.

Lalliella · 31/01/2022 00:21

Definitely do it. The other thing to consider is that is one of you needs care in the future after the first person has died, with joint tenants the entire amount (in excess of £23,000) can go towards providing care, but with tenants in common only the remaining half can, as the first half has been left to someone else. It seemed to be at one point the advice was usually joint tenants, but now it’s normally tenants in common.

Stravaig · 31/01/2022 00:12

@Thirtytimesround Meant to tag you as well! So OP can unilaterally safeguard her share of the home for her son. But she can't give herself a lifetime interest in the home; she can only offer this to DP, and hope he reciprocates. So some agreement with her DP is going to be important to secure her own security. Have I understood this correctly?

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/01/2022 23:51

My friends parents had this, her mother died, dad remarried and died shortly afterwards and his new wife got everything. She then cut off my friend, sold the house (that had been my friends childhood home) and swanned off with the money.

She was heartbroken that the home her mother had put all those years into was taken away just like that. Her father had made it clear that he wanted my friend to inherit and that he trusted new wife to do that so didnt "need" a will........

Having seen what previously close family will do to each other when money is involved I would have no illusions over what someone with no blood ties would do.

Stravaig · 30/01/2022 23:49

@DixonD If OP goes ahead without DP's agreement, is there not a danger that he could refuse to reciprocate the lifetime interest in the home, leaving her at risk of forced sale if he dies first? (To free up the value of his half of the property for his beneficaries.)

housecommon · 30/01/2022 23:47

OP I hope you don't mind you jumping on your thread with a question (although any answers to me might help you.)

I'm actually in the opposite position. A few years ago we changed from joint to tenants in common because someone was trying to get money (dishonestly -it's a very long story) from DH and I wanted to protect my share for the DC's.

Anyway a few years down the line and very sadly my lovely dh is now terminally ill. I feel very nervous that we are tenants in common rather than joint - although not sure why. Solicitor has said it's fine to stay as it is. (In will it says that everything that's his goes to me but I'm just worried that things like probate might be affected.)

The other situation is all dealt with now so that not relevant to future decisions. Sorry this is so long. I'm just finding it hard to get my head round everything at same time as coming to terms with DH illness.

HikingforScenery · 30/01/2022 23:46

Do it OP. There have been some recent posts where posters have lost out of their inheritance as children in the scenario.

TheFrogAndHen · 30/01/2022 23:43

They absolutely should get the same share. Of their fathers half. They aren't OPs children. Her share should go to her son.

TheFrogAndHen · 30/01/2022 23:42

@AmyandPhilipfan

But the son would get the same share as his older siblings which might cause fewer problems overall.
Why should he have to share his mother's inheritance? Will the step children's mother leave anything to him? I doubt it.

The step children have a mother they can inherit from. It's not fair to expect OP to also split hers with them equally to her own son.

HeddaGarbled · 30/01/2022 23:42

Yes, YABU, IMO.

People in this country are obsessed with inheritance.

Live your life. Enjoy it. Work to fund the life you want. Plan for the retirement you want. Don’t work and plan to leave an inheritance.

Your children should do the same.

If your assets don’t get consumed by your needs in old age (increasingly unlikely as we all live longer and need care at the end of our lives), then your children may get a nice little bonus to make their lives more comfortable in their own middle/old age. If they are decent people, they won’t want that to come at the expense of their family members.

If they resent that, you’re not bringing them up right.

IMO.

AmyandPhilipfan · 30/01/2022 23:40

But the son would get the same share as his older siblings which might cause fewer problems overall.

Thehouseofmarvels · 30/01/2022 23:38

There is a thread going where OP's mother died and his father has got a new girlfriend 40 years younger who is talking about having a baby with him. He owns his house out right but posters are advising OP that the father may leave everything to his new partner as they are planning a family. This is so sensible.