SIL wedding gift comment

Ugh, destination weddings are so gross and arrogant (unless they’re giving everyone an all expense payed trip which never happens). Basically they’re saying if you can’t afford to go then your not worth being included as family to us.

“Sorry Granny, I know you struggle to make ends meet and have always put family first but you can’t afford a trip to Ibiza so fuck you” - real nice.

Let me guess the destination wedding was also gift demanding future SIL’s idea? Sounds like a total cow. I wouldn’t blow the budget going to the wedding if it’s not practical let alone get the bitch a gift.

How about a memory pot op?

Get a terramumdi online and then ask all family members and friends to write a little not to the bride and groom and place them in the pot.

I've done that for friends and they've kept up the tradition each year.

The notes have a date on them and just a nice memory from each family member or friend.

They can choose to open it after the wedding or wait for their first anniversary etc.

It's a great but cheap gift and more personal than anything you can buy

i am sure you can afford something op, however small

I hate destination weddings where guests have to pay for the whole thing themselves. I think it’s really selfish. We did one but we paid for all accommodation and all food for the trip. Guests paid for getting there and back. Some people bought gifts or donated to a charity, others no. Don’t buy a gift if you don’t want to. You’re not obligated Xo

I don’t get some of these comments. I don’t see how a wedding abroad is more of a treat for the guests. They didn’t choose the destination or when they go. They don’t get to do what they want. The bride and groom haven’t done them a favour. The guests are quite capable of going on holiday if they can and want to. So the money spent is on the bride and groom and should be considered as the gift.

We have a destination wedding issue - relative on my side of family, location not somewhere we would choose to go as a family, child-free (and I will have a breastfeeding baby at that time). So logistically it is causing some issues - especially as DH does not want to go there as he doesn’t like beach places and would be a considerable expense. I would like to go to support the couple - who are nice people. I do feel my presence is a gift as we’d definitely be doing things we wouldn’t choose to do or spend our money on to be there. That said, I’d probably get a small gift for them.

At a local wedding presence isnt a present
But at a destination wedding it sure as hell should be. How greedy

@Bluntness100 the OP is already spending a lot of money to attend her DBs wedding and a present on top isn't expected by db.
OP is not traveling for her own enjoyment.

@babyshark71 I'm just concerned about the comment because I'm so worried that she's expecting a gift that I can't afford.

I think you should have a quiet and gentle word to your DB, and explain you can barely afford to attend the wedding let alone a gift. If she normally decent (as you said you like her a lot) then he may be able to have quiet and reasonable word with her and explain how much it is costing people just to attend, and if she's reasonable she will be come around to seeing it differently.

A friend of mine told me to save my pennies as she was getting married in the Dominicans and was inviting me to attend. I remember thinking how bloody selfish expecting people to spend money they can't afford just to please them. As it was it didn't happen as they split up. I still think it is selfish!

Sounds like a joke that misfired

I wouldn't attend a wedding without giving some money (or a gift instead if there was a gift list). Even a friend's wedding, let alone a family one. It's part of the cost of going to a wedding, and if you can't afford to go then don't go. You don't take the bride and groom's hospitality and give no gift!

On the flip side, at my wedding we paid for all of the hotel costs for every guest to stay, all the food, all of the drinks. It's just about good manners, both ways.

Yes guests have to pay to get to the wedding venue (some people have no choice but to have what is considered a "destination wedding" for half of the couple's family and friends if the couple are not from the same country so I find that term silly, and even if it's somewhere unrelated, it's usually somewhere beautiful and often somewhere you've not been to before that you cqn extend into a longer holiday). And obviously pay for their own clothes etc!

But a wedding is basically a free party to celebrate your friends or family being happy. I really don't understand the vitriol on here about it, it's great fun and makes me happy to see people I love in love!

as I feel that we sort of have to get them a proper gift after her comment

Why would you feel that, when your own brother doesn't?

She does sound special, doesn't she ?

However, you don't need to bring it up.
You just choose what you think is the right thing to do.

I personally don't think anyone's presence at a wedding is a "gift" to the couple, but equally, if you don't want to give a gift, then there is no obligation - it isn't like selling tickets.

Go aldi buy a gift card and stick £5 on it .

She sounds delightful

I would message your brother and say something along the lines of 'I'm relieved you aren't expecting gifts from our side of the family because tbh we are broke with all the extra costs of the wedding'

I had a destination wedding - about 15% of my guests bought us a gift when we had also specified no gifts. You will not be the only person not buying presents so don't give it any more head space. You're spending enough to attend

Destination weddings are sooo 2000s. Didn’t they get the memo? Seriously, anyone who expects you to fork out £££ for their dream wedding is an entitled twit.

I’d get a gift. An inexpensive one is ok but not getting one at all is a bit mean. You can get amazing bargains if you shop around. Are you or your husband able to make anything?

Would she spend thousands of pounds going to somebody else's wedding? And if she did do this, did she buy them a gift?

Ah sorry op, I misread your post and thought your partner had been asking if they really expect gifts. I agree, it’s not nice to think someone is putting a lot of value on you buying something expensive as well as forking out for a destination wedding.

I think you're crazy for spending so much money to go to a wedding, even if it is your brother's. It's a ridiculous waste of money.