DD10 bisexual

My 10 year old (boy) isn't remotely interested in crushing on girls or boys. Pretty sure he has no idea what bisexual is. Friends mum's think their's are pretty clueless too.

Bi erasure alive and well.

OP, I said I was a lesbian when I was 8 or 9 when it was just a really strong friendship. She may change when she's older, she may not, your main job is to let her know she's accepted and loved no matter what. I ended up as an aromantic asexual btw.

Craftygin, contact the school? to say what exactly! Op, I doubt your dd is the only one 'putting it out there', all very normal and nothing to worry about, it's great she has strong opinions about these things at her age

DD's (10) friend is a lesbian. No issues at school whatsoever, as is right!

However, anonymous love notes? I'd be having a word. Could be nice. Could be really creepy. And the receiver can't do anything because it's not clear who sent it.

I think the love notes are sweet (as long as it's a one off and not something repeated).

My daughter made the same declaration at the same age and was very open about the fact. She lost her best friend over it because her parents (a pair of GPs who should know better) didn't want my daughter influencing their child.

I have been 100% accepting of my daughter's choice. However, we have also discussed the fact that others may not be so accepting.

I am also mindful that she is pre puberty and all this may change.

DS2 and his (male) friend used to send each other "love" notes when they were a little younger than this.
I don't think either of them are bi or gay, they just loved their friend.

My only concern would be if your daughter is making the other child uncomfortable, in which case she needs to stop.

Can I suggest the Childline website for both your daughter and for you? There are sections which talk about sexuality and about it being ok to take time to discover who you are and who you fancy, as well as helpful friendships pages. But foremost is the fact that she felt able to talk to you and that you want to support her and those things bode well for your relationship with your DD whatever her sexuality.

I'd just tell her to stop sending love notes and point out they can make people feel really uncomfortable, regardless of their sex.

At that age kids are very unlikely to be feeling physical attraction but there's pressure from other children and the Internet to declare an orientation, so instead they can end up confusing sexual orientation with who they would like to be very good friends with, or who they find cute, or who they would like to be with in a non-intimate way, which may align with who they will later be physically attracted to but it may not. It seems extremely common for preteens to identify as bisexual or pansexual nowadays and this makes me suspect that these are mostly children who having not felt sexual attraction yet, have no way of distinguishing whether they're physically attracted to boys or girls, to them they're the same, and so they think that's bisexual.

I would simply say that it will take time for her sexuality to settle, so there's no need for her to make decisions about who or what she is just yet. But that you will love and be there for her, whatever her prefernces turn out to be when they're established.

Then just carry on with life as normal.

Times have changed OP. My god daughter (12) has just come out as bisexual also. She is dating a girl who is non binary. There are apparently a big group of children who have come out recently. At my colleague’s sons school, four children have gone back this year as a different gender.
I don’t imagine your DD will have any trouble.

I don't really think she will know what bi sexual means at this age. In this day and age, children are hearing about, and seeing things on TV and social media all the time, about all sorts of male and female issues, and then some may decide to kind of follow trends that are always talked about everywhere now.

If she attracted to another girl or boy at this age, it is quite normal for school children to be like this, as in the growing up process.. All their views will most likely change as time goes by.

I had crushes on older girls/women up until my late teens. But I didn't have sexual feelings for them. I think it was more a reflection of a difficult home background, in hindsight.

I think it must be increasingly difficult for late primary/younger secondary age kids to separate out crushes from sexual responses to their own sex.

I knew I was bisexual before I even knew there was a word for it and I definitely had crushes at that age. Just keep supporting and guiding her.

The dc in my tween classes, including my dc have cycled through bi, gay, straight and several other iterations.
It is very much part of growing up at present.

I would be gently supportive and encourage her to focus on building friendships if she has just moved to a new school.

That's nice dear you're too young for dating (either boys or girls!!) yet!!

I definitely had crushes at 10.... I don’t think that’s really an issue. I would be more worried that she’s wearing her heart on her sleeve and might end up getting made fun of as a result, so maybe have a conversation about that? Otherwise I think it’s all fine.

They're much more open and accepting these days and proud of who they are.

I think it is more acceptable for girls to say they are bi-sexual, than it is for them to say they are a lesbian. Bisexuality has become a hit of a precursor to non-binary in the young girls that I know

Crushes in all girls schools are crazy normal (in mixed sex and all boys schools as well obv).

Nothing wrong, as you know, with anyone having a crush on a boy or a girl and nothing wrong with sending a note as long as it stopped there if crush was not fine with it (again, would be same if boy or girl).

If your dd received negative attention for expressing her feelings to a same sex recipient where she wouldn't if it was a recipient of the opposite sex then I'd expect the school to be on top of any sign of homophobic bullying.