DD10 bisexual

I knew i was bisexual at 10 and its great you are being so relzxed with your daughter because my family were not relaxed.. so it was very hard for me as i couldnt tell them and they to this day do not know.

I think at 10 many kids start doing things like having their first kiss.. passing notes.. holding hands... just the start of thinking about romantic relationships. Thats very normal. Just because for your daughter it has invloved another girl instead of a boy doesnt make it any less innocent or normal.

Lifes not done yet - i agree. Defining your sexual orientation at primary school seems a bit off to me. Whether that is het, bi, gay or lesbian. It feels like children are feeling pressured into adult ways of thinking earlier and earlier. Its one thing knowing about different sex/same sex relationships to enable children to later on love who they want to love without fear of shame or stigma but i i feel concern that 'children' are giving themselves adult labels. Given the issues with womens rights and safeguarding being under threat, it is even more reason to ensure children arent being groomed to believe the age of consent should be lower

It's perfectly normal to teach children that couples and families come in all shapes and sizes, people can love who they love etc. Even my preschooler knows this.

What I'm less comfortable with is primary aged children feeling they should label themselves (in any particular way) in relation to sexual attraction. I'd probably bring it back to relationships more generally.

no one ever needs to ‘come out as straight’

I'm not sure any more. I live somewhere very right on and an 18 yo was telling me that she's considered weird and wrong for being straight and 'cis' (I don't use that word generally). I would dismiss that as nonsense except a lesbian teenager I know says she gets shit for not being a transman, rather a bog standard lesbian.

I think in most places it's as heteronormative as ever but not everywhere.

Hope I don’t get jumped on as trying to erase people or anything but it is “the thing” atm to say you are pan or bi or something else deemed interesting. Dd said this at a similar age but seems to have forgotten about it now. We have quite enough drama and upset in her non sexual friendships as it is! 13 is not easy…!

Its a shame she feels she needs to label herself. Yes children do have crushes but generally kids dont make a big proclamation about being heterosexual at primary age as children really dont know their sexual orientation in the same way that young adults / adults do.

Oh, and my five year old knows what bisexuality is - he knows that some grown ups like men and and some like women and some (including mummy) like both, and that everyone can love whoever they want as long as everyone is happy. It’s not rocket science!

OP, you sound like a great mum the most important things are to teach her respect for herself and others - that’s the bottom line, after all, regardless of the gender of the people she goes on to have relationships with as she gets older.

For the naysayers in this thread, I knew I was bisexual at the age of eight and I definitely had crushes (in an age-appropriate and very innocent way). Fortunately, my parents didn’t care what gender I liked as long as they treated me right and I was happy and safe.
Funny how no one ever assumes a ten year old doesn’t know they’re straight - no one says to a ten year old girl who says she fancies boys ‘ooh, it’s just a phase, you’ll probably like girls later! why define yourself?’

When my daughter was that age she said she didn’t know if she was going to marry a man or a woman.

At 15, it’s definitely boys …. In particular, any member of BTS

It's very fashionable to be bi (or pan apparently) she'll be in good company. Try not to worry, it's a very different world now

My daughter was out of education for a couple of years. Went back this year age 11 and one of the first things about her that the other pupils asked was her sexuality. She was a bit taken aback about it all. Like she then had to choose. She felt a bit pressured so told them she was bi. Cover all bases she said lol.

Life was much easier in my day when I started at my new school all anyone wanted to know was so you like wham or Duran Duran

I think it's normal to worry about this sort thing, especially when many of us have or at least know someone who dealt with bullying at school from being out(ed) and aware of the news. I know a lot of people say it's the in thing now, but it hasn't really stopped the abuse that some kids and adults deal with. There have been a few threads on bisexual kids in the last monthish if you want to have a search for further discussions on it.

@waterrat are you seriously saying if a girl passed a boy a note saying she fancied him, the parents should be told and involved??of course it's none of the parents business at that level and really weird if you think you would need to involve yourself in that.

How can it be said that it is none if a parents business how her 10 year old behaves and interacts with friends ? Bizarre.

Be open and ask questions op and help her think for herself whether her behaviour is going to help or hinder her. As others have said the bisexuality is not the big issue but stressing about crushes is surely a moment for a supportive parental ear

Along with in a nice way, not giving a shit how they define themselves if they are safe and happy.

Just tell her/them that they are not allowed to have sex legally until she/he/they are sixteen.

And you just care if she/he/they...are safe.

And that's fine.

I did this.

It was tortuous, but it is a fashion at the moment. Don't panic.

Hate to say they will grow out of it but it is clear to me it is part of what they see as fashionable teenage rebellion. Started early.

The more you say no, the more they will push.

And don't contact the school for goodness sake. What a bizarre suggestion.

I definitely had crushes earlier than 10 so definitely not worried about that lol. I think I would be concerned that she might be bullied because that's probably what would have happened when I was at school but it was the era of 'That's SO gay!' rubbish and I'm sure it's very different now. I would continue to be supportive and just check in with her re making friends. Make sure she has extra curricular activities as opportunities to find her crowd. Show an interest in how her new school mates are reacting to her news of being bisexual so you can keep a check on it and make sure no negativity is coming from her sharing that with them. I am bisexual OP and had a secret relationship with a girl when I was in my teens. We were petrified of being found out so for your daughter to be so open with you and her friends fills me with hope that this generation are so much more accepting and open. I think I would try not to make a big deal out of it and see how it plays out for now. Also keep a check on social media and internet use (but that's a given anyway) x

'That's great darling - when you're old enough to date then it'll be exciting to see who you fall for. But right now you're a bit young to date, so it's best to focus on making friends. Try to remember that other people might not know how to react if you tell them you have romantic feelings, because you're all still working it out.'

There seems to be such a rush among children and young people to put a label on themselves.
I’d suggest a conversation around exploring feelings and sexuality without labelling it as anything In particular.
It’s part and parcel of growing up and discovering who we are and that can change from one week to the next.
That’s not to diminish the strength or veracity of those feelings at the time.
Also look at consent and boundaries.
ChildLine has some good, clear information and advice on their website.
Sounds like you’re very supportive and keepIng the lines of communication open.

My reaction to her telling me she's bisexual would've been 'are you? Ok' and that would be it. No reason for anything else to happen.

I think I would probably steer her away from the anonymous notes as it may make the other girl feel uncomfortable - I would say the same if your DD was sending notes to a boy as well.

Lots of kids in my DS15 class have come out as bisexual/gay/lesbian/trans etc. It does seem very normal now which I think is great!