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AIBU?

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Friend constantly bloody texting

56 replies

stoptextingme · 24/02/2021 15:04

Name changed because I know she reads this.

Met A through a work thing a few years ago. Became a fairly good friend, not massively close, but good. We lived in the same area so saw each other socially, maybe caught up for a coffee once a month or every other month. We're a bit chalk and cheese but there's enough of a friendship there that I can meet up with her every now and again. She kind of comes in a pair with another woman she's best friends with, D, who I have a similar relationship with but who knows how to respect someone's boundaries . D got a new job and moved elsewhere about 18 months ago, if that's relevant, but they're still very close and (lockdown allowing) will get the train to visit each other. I'm going to pre-empt some replies here by saying, no, I don't think she is lonely. Missing D naturally, maybe, but A has a more active social life than I do and keeps a far wider circle. She is never short of things to do.

Long story short, I can work flexibly so moved closer to family for lockdown (did this pre-first lockdown in about March last year when it became clear this was going to get bad). So I don't see as much of A. I don't anticipate I will move back to the area me and A lived in - it's several hours drive from where I am now and the work thing that kept me there is all online now post-COVID. I have no real connections to that town.

In the meantime, all A has done for the past year is constantly bloody message me. Like, every day, multiple times a day. 95% of the things she sends me are boring as everloving fuck. Like announcing she's having a glass of wine, mundane things her relatives who I've never met have done, boring online dating screenshots, very minor grievances she's had with people that she works up in her head. To put it very politely, I don't think she gets out much - things that would otherwise be insignificant in anyone else's world are a massive deal in A's world. She will spend hours dissecting a minor interaction with a member of the opposite sex who was likely just being nice. (Outing but I don't care) we had hysterics off her the other day because someone on a dating app had made a very innocuous comment about sugar-free drinks (literally just making conversation) and she took it as a jibe at her weight.

Now the trouble is, in spite of that incredibly vitriolic comment, I do genuinely like the woman. The funny thing is, despite her overbearingness over text, she is quite a quiet, pleasant and unassuming woman in real life. I have a nice time seeing her every now and again, and it would be a genuine shame to cut her off completely. I would politely exchange a text maybe once every two weeks, or if she had something genuinely interesting to say. But I can't be arsed with the constant texting. I am too busy and I feel rude not replying - I'd say I reply to about a quarter of them, but she doesn't seem to get the hint. In fact, she has even made a comment to another mutual friend (not D) along the lines of "Ooh, I think I annoy stoptextingme with all my messages!". But she carries on anyway.

I know this topic crops up a lot but what can I do? How can I politely make her back off without going so far as to block her number (in any case, she would start messaging me on another form of social media I'm sure). Help!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 24/02/2021 15:15

I know you're a bit of a texter, but I'm so easily distracted and I'm trying to work Grin! Can I ask you to mute me or something for a while, so I can concentrate and get this stuff done? Thanks xx

Make it sound like your problem and be breezy.

MyGoMargot · 24/02/2021 15:15

Can you not just say something along the lines of I can’t keep up with all your texts, do you mind texting a bit less often?

stoptextingme · 24/02/2021 15:12

@MyGoMargot that's what I'm trying to do but she perseveres. And I know I sound mean, but this is driving me to distraction and ruining what was originally a nice, low-maintenance friendship.

OP posts:
stoptextingme · 24/02/2021 15:10

Another thing - she will occasionally unsend messages. Not like one by mistake, but several messages in a row (you can do this on some messaging apps these days). I'll get a notification she's messaged, ignore it for a couple of hours and when I finally get round to looking at it, it'll say "A unsent 7 messages". Yes, as many as 7. Weird isn't it?

OP posts:
MyGoMargot · 24/02/2021 15:09

Your message sounds a bit mean tbh.

Can’t you just respond to the texts you want to and ignore the rest?

BluebelllsRosesDaffodills · 24/02/2021 15:08

I think you will need to be honest with her or completely block her on everything