DH called my son a prick.

@DoubleDolphin depends on the context. "Dont be a prick son" in the context of a loving father-son relationship is probably not going to cause any harm (esp if son is in fact acting like a prick). But being shouted at and called a prick every time you do do something wrong or argue back is going to be a disaster.

That’s complete unacceptable. This ‘uncontrollable temper’ stuff is bollocks. He can control it, he just chooses not to and you are allowing him to get away with it. Does her scream and shout and swear at you? At his parents? His work colleagues? Or just defenceless children?

Why haven't you got rid of him already, no child should be forced to live with someone like that. Have you ever thought your sons behaviour is because you are making him live with an abusive stepfather?

It's not OK and not the first time. When is it enough?

Decorating a room would mean nothing if I were being yelled at by the same person.

"Get help" for swearing seems a bit ott to me.

He would be gone. Your poor son

He needs to stop doing this.

Your son now has/had 2 abusive father figures in his life.

You really need to put your foot down now and demand he stops or gets help.

Your little boy will be a teenager soon and then it's quite possible you'll have 2 abusive males to deal with.

The fact he hasn't, and you believe wouldn't, hit any of you is neither here nor there. That's not the bar of "he's unreasonable and needs to go".

Words hurt. They cause long term damage.

You said yourself he's apologised before. Does he actually mean it? Is he genuinely trying to be a better person to live with?

Ultimately it comes down to this - do you think that it's an acceptable way for your DS to have to live?

A parenting course might be a good place for him to start.

Your son sounds like a bit of a brat but your DH shouldn't call him names.

I have to set myself some boundaries in relationships, and this would be one of them. I'd rather be single than have my family tiptoeing on eggshells around a man's temper.

Your son deserves better. As do you.

Your poor son. No child deserves that treatment in their own home. Their safe space.

A man who cant control his temper will eventually hit you or your son

Well that's bollocks for a start.

But there is more to abuse than being hit, and words and anger can be damaging too. Not so much as a one-off, but this isnt a one-off is it OP?

So how often is this happening? How often are you worried it might? It's a rare parent that has never lost it with a teenager but your ds is only 11. There are many years to go. You and esp your dh needs to commit to a more sustainable strategy of parenting than screaming and shouting, even with apologies afterward. Your ds is going to kick against authority and you are going to have to lay the law down sometimes but how and when?

I think you need more than a "forget it and move on". Do you think your dh would be up for some reading and discussion on how to parent teens? I dont mean you getting angry with him but actually setting aside some time to think about it, talk it through and agree a strategy?

That is so sad for your son. It will become part of the fabric is his self image and is a rubbish example of what a man should be to those around him. How can he be expected to improve into a shining model of excellent character and behaviour when the parenting he gets is one where you get to act out in a wounding way if the provocation is enough... Which is what your dh is doing. A strong man has broad shoulders and manages poor behaviours constructively, firmly and with good consistent boundaries. My dh manages that most of the time with occasional human slip ups... I don't think many would better him, but the slip ups bring about raised voices not personal insults and nastiness, that's another line to cross I think.
I don't think it's a bad thing for kids to see that grown ups have limits too, but the snap at the end of the tether can still contain restraint against nastiness. Can you get your heads together and come up with a set of go-to responses/strategies so when he gets to that point he doesn't have to calm down and come up with something, he already has something up his sleeve?
Some people are launched into life by their childhood, some just have to survive what they get (as you know), some get a mixed experience. Those of us with a mixed experience (I'm one) spend years mending the damage and building on the good. It seems like you have a mixed set up here. Only you can know if it is bad enough to want to dismantle everything.
It's it what happened here damaging, I'd say yes.
Could it be improved - quite possibly, if the dh had the inclination, recognising his triggers and finding alternatives are possible, if he is willing... Seeing that happen would be good example to your son.
Are repeated apologies with no improvement helpful? No, an apology can be a helpful acknowledgement of a mistake but if it is family code for 'this makes it all ok but we all know it will happen again, but you can't complain when I've said sorry' then that's not good at all.
Sorry, probably not very helpful, but just to say that I see where you're coming from and your instincts are right.

My ds is 11. I have been with my dh for 8 years..
In your situation he would be packing right now..
I stayed with my exh way too long. Ds still has therapy at 28..

I feel sorry for your son being sworn at and intimidated in his own house. This just isn't ok op
He hasn't hit you
Yet

A man who can't control his temper will eventually hit you or your son.