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Original poster

Lost my temper and was a bit rough with toddler.. Feel awful

35 replies

LeftMyOtherUsernameAtHome · 14/08/2020 23:04

Hey, name changed for this as I'm so ashamed Sad

So, DD is 18 months and in the midst of the dreaded sleep regression. Currently it takes an absolute age to get her to sleep. Tonight she was really fighting it, I'd been trying to get her to sleep since 7pm and it was 10pm at this point. She would whinge and rub her eyes like she was tired and start falling asleep, but when I tried to pick her up and put her into her cot she would instantly wake up and start wriggling and thrashing around like a crocodile and wanting to be put down, same for when I was trying to rock her.

After three hours of this I admit I was at the end of my tether. When I picked her up and she started wriggling and kicking her legs again I had a flash of temper. I pinned her legs to me so she couldn't move and almost squeezed her with my arms. Not really really hard but enough that I felt bad about it and as soon as I realised I was doing it I released my grip and asked my partner to take over so I could take a breather.

She's fine, she's asleep now and she was actually smiling as I handed her to my partner, so I didn't hurt her. But I still feel awful because for that split second I was really really cross! I've never hit her and never would, and I keep telling myself I've used greater force when trying to maneuver her into her car seat during a tantrum, but I feel like the worst mum in the world for getting so cross when she wasn't deliberately trying to annoy me.

Feeling like a really crap mum at the moment Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
LeftMyOtherUsernameAtHome · 14/08/2020 23:25

@Embracelife she has bath/story routine ect at 7. Normally we then put her in her cot and she falls asleep but recently due to sleep regression she's been refusing to be put down. So I brought her into the living room and sat down with her on my lap and she would start falling asleep on me. I would then stand up to transfer her to her cot and it's then she would start wriggling and wanting me to put her down on the floor. So I would try and rock her to lull her back to sleep which wasn't working. When I put her down on the floor she would run around/play for a little bit, and then start rubbing her eyes and yawning, so I'd pick her up and rock her in an attempt to lull her back to sleep, and she would start wriggling again. Rinse and repeat for three hours.

Hope that made sense, I'm very tired Grin

OP posts:
Namechange6005 · 14/08/2020 23:24

Learn from it and move on. It's clearly not in your nature for this to be a normal reaction from you.
Your dc won't give it a second thought I'm sure.

TheVamoosh · 14/08/2020 23:21

Are you sure you used force though? Sometimes it's hard to know, because they are thrashing around so much that they'd fall down and hurt themselves if you didn't sort of restrain them, if that makes sense?

Yellowcar2 · 14/08/2020 23:20

I don't really understand either?

TitianaTitsling · 14/08/2020 23:20

Absolutely agree with the above posters- it's so so hard and even more so at the moment. Anyone who pontificates or has a go at you can sod off! The 30 mun rule mentioned by Rab is such a good suggestion, and one going to use!

Embracelife · 14/08/2020 23:18

I dont understand.
Is she in her cot then you pick her up to rock her?
Wants to be put down where?
Where is she at 7? Has she had bath story etc?
Where are you picking her up from?
When are you rocking her?
She doesnt seem to like it?

"start falling asleep, but when I tried to pick her up and put her into her cot she would instantly wake up and start wriggling and thrashing around like a crocodile and wanting to be put down, same for when I was trying to rock her."

Rabs6 · 14/08/2020 23:16

Give yourself a break!!
3 hours of fighting to get her to sleep would push anyone to the limit!! You didn't hurt her, you were just slightly rougher than normal. The important thing is as soon as you did it you recognised you'd lost control and asked for help. It's when you lose your temper and don't step away that there's an issue.
Me and my DH used to have a 30min rule at bedtime, we'd swap after half hour of trying to get them to sleep, or sooner if we were getting cross to avoid those situations.

user32723 · 14/08/2020 23:14

I think if anyone hasn't been there before they are lying, or haven't reached that point YET. You did the right thing, you were able to recognise you'd lost it and ask your partner to step in, so you didn't really lose it. I remember a similar phase with mine and one night I was so exhausted and at a loss I went downstairs with toddler DC, set up their pushchair in the living room, strapped them in thinking I could sleep on the sofa if necessary, and they actually fell asleep before I did and I then took them up to bed. This trick saved my sanity on several sleepless nights with all of mine.

Original poster
LeftMyOtherUsernameAtHome · 14/08/2020 23:14

Thank you @HoobleDooble. My partner keeps telling me that, whilst it wasn't ideal, it's not the end of the world and she's fine, so I should forgive myself and move on. But I still feel so guilty!

OP posts:
HoobleDooble · 14/08/2020 23:12

The fact that you feel bad about it tells me you're not a bad mum. You're just a tired, stressed human who is being pushed to her limits.

Tomorrow is a new day and all that. She's fine, she's safe and sound in her bed. Forgive yourself.