Once a cheat... ?

@annelovesgilbert has it.

It doesn’t have to happen again. But it absolutely will unless:

1. He figures out why he cheated (maybe with a therapist’s help if he wants to stay).
2. You then go to counseling together to work on why he cheated, and if you feel you can move past it and you can survive 50 more years without it happening again.
3. IF AND ONLY IF SO, the problem gets resolved and your marriage probably survives the cheating.

Without those? No chance. He’ll cheat again.

You will never, ever know for sure. I'm a decade down the line from finding out. It all seems fine. Nothing untowards. A better partner. Greater communication....BUT YOU WILL NEVER KNOW FOR SURE. Even the very seemingly best of men seem to cheat. You can't trust any of them when it comes to sex. Sad but true. How many times has someone said "oh never ever MINE!" And then turns out he's been shagging Stacey/Shawn from Accounts all along. Seen it happen too many times to too many women and also seen too many people blame the women when, no - men just sometimes are incapable of saying No, fuck off Stacey.

I think they can mean they will never do it again. I think people can mean to change. But I think we also need to take that a pinch of salt. Make sure we have savings. Make sure we will be ok financially if it happens again. Don't be naive again. Accept we may have to go it alone again.

Once a dog bites you, you known that dog is then capable of biting you again.

I don't think I could get over it; I didn't when DS1's Dad cheated. Partly because I couldn't see a future with him but also because I think cheating is overstepping a boundary it's not possible to recover from.

However, I have faith that for some people they can recover and move forward, and if you trust him and have both moved away from it, perhaps it doesn't need to define you.

It depends on the reason they cheated.