That DH is not in yet

Sorry to hear that op but I'm glad you've been able to move on with your life now. You are so much better off without him.

I'm so sorry :(

How did you find out?

Oh OP, I'm so sorry 💐

@ThistlaAmore

I guess you didn't see my immediate second post with the correction????

gender hooks

GENDER HOOKS?

The OP said he always gets carried away when he drinks and loses track if time. Hence every time he goes out, she'll be on gender hooks and unable to relax.

Or, alternatively, she could use her prior experience and relax knowing he’ll come home after she’s asleep.

I don’t think men are actually bothered in a vice versa situation. My DH is always asleep whenever I go out, and I’m not even back late. So clearly he can go to sleep without worrying about my welfare. Probably because he knows I won’t get pissed, mugged and left in a gutter. (Although the last 2 are a possibility I suppose)

When he goes out he’ll say it’ll be after x time but if he texts saying he’s leaving soon it really makes me worry if 2 hours later there is no sign. I have been known to drive out to look for him if he’s called very pissed to say there are no taxis so he’s going to walk home. I don’t think he has made a sensible decision when he’s been that pissed so it worries me.

I get annoyed but there is no divorce petition or call to the police! he doesn’t do it often. once every year or two maybe.

I’m more annoyed that he can go to sleep easily when I go out till late!!!

8pm isn't early when you have been drinking all day? And 2.20am isn't 10.30pm is it?

Gender hooks = tenter hooks.

The OP said he always gets carried away when he drinks and loses track if time. Hence every time he goes out, she'll be on gender hooks and unable to relax. Because he is a rude, inconsiderate arsehole who cannot be trusted to go out and stick to what he agrees.

I would not like to give a time that I had to stick to and be clock watching for why should men?

Him saying 8 is just rediculously early but probably avoiding the nag. It’s not being a “cool wife” to expect your husband will be out late if he’s at a social event !!!

@LASH

'Thanks for letting me know.
I'll be locking the front door when I go to bed X'

"If I’ve gone out I don’t expect to give or have requests for regular updates and therefore give the same courtesy. It’s normal in my (15 year marriage) to have ‘I’m going to x with y, it’ll be a late one’"

Neither do I. I tend just to tell OH that I will be on the last train for example (and I will be on the last train unless it is cancelled). We rarely text each other when out, but I would let OH know if I was going to be over four hours later than I said I would be, because OH would worry as it would be completely out of character for me to do that.

I never ask, text, ring, care. I just go to bed. The likelihood of them being in an accident is v low. Let 'em have fun occasionally!

Op I hope you got up at 6am and made as much noise as possible . Christmas music full volume and decide to hand wash every pan in the house whole drumming on them

I hasten to add he hasn't had to call the police either - works both ways!

When DH and I first got together I said to him not to give me a time for coming home, as he's a grown adult and no other half should be clock watching or worrying etc. etc.

However, I also said that if he did foolishly tell me he would be in by say 4am, if he wasn't in by 4.05, I would be calling the police.

In 20 years, I haven't had to call the police yet (famous last words!).

Actually one thing my DH does do rougyou twice a year that mildly fucks me off is:
my phone rings after midnight:
DH: IM IN THE KEBAB/CHICKEN SHOP, DO YOU WANT ANYTHING? HAD A GREAT NIGHT AND NO IM NOT DRUNK JUST TIPSY.
OH SHIT ITS X O’CLOCK DID I WAKE YOU UP

I think when a bloke who's been in the pub all day phones home pissed at 10:30 and utters the immortal line "I'm leaving in a minute, love", there's no need to be fretting and posting on MN at half past midnight.

Hope back op. Depends dh last week had a xmas thing at work, phone was dying (needs no phone as doesnt keep charge) so phoned me at 10 saying he was hoping to get out in next few minutes. Phone died during conversation. He turned up at 12.25 am having spent most of the time since 10.15 sitting on a train which didnt move till 12.

We update but there have certainly been times when we’ve been too pissed to think about it, on both sides. Christmas parties when you have all day ones with boozy colleagues you love the company of are brilliant. I wish I still had them

Nah, I don’t have low expectations, different maybe.

If I’ve gone out I don’t expect to give or have requests for regular updates and therefore give the same courtesy. It’s normal in my (15 year marriage) to have ‘I’m going to x with y, it’ll be a late one’.

Either one of us might send a ‘you good?’ text if it’s really late but that’s it.

However as I said above, I think there’s often something behind situations like the OPs, I’m not sure I’d feel differently if my husband was coming home totally pissed/skint every week, left all the wifework to me and generally didn’t give me the same freedoms.
If that was the case I wouldn’t be with him anyway.

DP and I both update each other when we're out later than planned. It works for us but I guess we're just control freaks with huge anxiety issues