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AIBU?

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Original poster

Your partner / husband isn't for conversation. This is what your friends are for. Aibu tojust find this so depressing?

113 replies

witchofzog · 19/06/2018 16:28

I am seriously considering whether dp and I have a future. I envisioned my partner being my best friend yet conversation with him often falls flat. I liken it to playing tennis with a statue. I will chat with him, ask him what he thinks about things, tell him snippets from my day (only IF it is funny or interesting) and he will often just give one sentence answers. He isn't a bad person. He just doesn't like to talk as much as I do

I read a thread on here a week or so ago and the general gist was that you should not really expect interesting conversation with your partner as this is what your friends are there for.

Is this really true? If it is then it is incredibly depressing. I always imagined I would end up with someone who I can just chat with while preparing dinner, going for a walk or over a glass of wine in the evening sometimes. Someone who is as interested in me and my thoughts as I am about theirs. Is this really so delusional? Or should I think that I have a good man albeit one who doesn't like to talk to me much, and seek that stimulation from my friends instead?

OP posts:
bunnyrabbit93 · 19/06/2018 16:46

My OH isn't a big talker. I always try and have a conversation and sometimes he is better than others. I believe your DP/DH should be your friend so that shouldn't make a difference.

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/06/2018 16:44

My XH was my best friend. We talked all day about anything and everything, had daft in jokes, were interested in the same things and chatted endlessly.

Didn't stop him buggering off and leaving though. My DP now says almost nothing, has no opinions on anything much, doesn't do small talk and his sense of humour is verging on the puerile. I doubt he will dump me in the spectacular fashion XH did though.

i talk to my friends. DP isn't interested (unless I can chat about his aches, pains and football. I can't).

Original poster
witchofzog · 19/06/2018 16:43

I can't seem to find the thread. It was one where the initial subject was different and it kind of derailed a bit.

I am just desperate for some conversation and I actually feel quite lonely a lot of the time. We went on holiday last year and there was a tremendous sea view which I was in absolute awe of. I told him how beautiful I thought it was. He barely looked at it. I am always asking him if He wants to crack open a beer and chat with me while I make dinner or in the evening for a bit but he never does. The answer is always no. I envy the couple's I see who seems to find this so effortless but was wondering whether they were the exception rather than the norm m. Jesus I hope not

OP posts:
redexpat · 19/06/2018 16:42

I just don't understand why you would marry (and hopefully intend to spend the rest of your life) with someone you don't get on really well with. We do get on well. We just dont need to talk as much.

agnurse · 19/06/2018 16:41

Hubby is my best friend too! Part of the reason we fell in love is that we are interested in many of the same things. (We used to joke that we're the male and female versions of each other :-) ) Do NOT marry this man if you're not sure you'll be able to live with him. Hubby and I are both introverts so we don't have a large number of friends - not our thing. We enjoy each other's company and often watch TV shows together and discuss interesting topics.

redexpat · 19/06/2018 16:40

Thats how it is between dh and I. Tbh we talk a lot at work so when we come home we just want to sit together. When we do talk the conversation is very different to that which I have with my friends. Someone once asked us why we didnt really have normal conversations and I replied that you cant expect one person to meet all your needs.

mydogisthebest · 19/06/2018 16:39

My DH is my best friend as well as my husband. We talk about everything and anything.

I can't believe that people honestly think you don't have interesting conversations with your partner.

I just don't understand why you would marry (and hopefully intend to spend the rest of your life) with someone you don't get on really well with.

One of my friends said she couldn't wait to get back from her honeymoon as she found spending time just with her OH "boring". When I said DH is my best friend she said she found that odd.

Another friend posted on facebook that she hadn't been out of her house for almost a week so had only seen her husband. She said she had never been so lonely or bored! I just find that really sad

Mousefunky · 19/06/2018 16:39

For many people their partner is also their best friend or at least one of their best friends. It’s important to converse with one another and feel able to open up to each other about anything. I would also feel sad if DP didn’t seem interested in what I had to say and, like you, would greatly be reconsidering the future of the relationship.

nowifi · 19/06/2018 16:38

I wouldn't be able to be with my OH if we weren't great friends too. It's so important to have a laugh together through all the ups and downs!

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 19/06/2018 16:37

How long have you been with your DP OP? Has it always been like this?

Pippylou · 19/06/2018 16:35

Wouldn't be able to stand it. I live with a quiet bloke but we have an endless conversation going, can be about all sorts of things and is often fairly random. I sound him out about all and sundry, as it's easier for me to think things through that way. I don't have loads of female friends tho, so wonder if this is the quid pro quo?

SoyDora · 19/06/2018 16:34

What thread was that? I read a similar one last week but the consensus was that in general, most people do enjoy conversation with the partners and talk about all sorts. Which is also my experience.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 19/06/2018 16:31

Christ that's bleak! I can and do chat to my DH about everything - as does he. We have incredibly wide ranging and interesting conversations. I get that not all men are like that but YANBU to find it depressing that so many people think their DPs aren't for for conversing with! It doesn't sound like you are super compatible with your DP - I would need more engagement than that too.