Your partner / husband isn't for conversation. This is what your friends are for. Aibu tojust find this so depressing?

Sometimes DH and I talk, sometimes we don't - last night he was watching football, I was doing something on the computer - we were together in the room in companionable silence for about 3 hours before we had a chat about going up to bed. We each knew the other was just fine with it.

I'd just tell him it was over, you might as well just talk to the wall from what your saying.
Get rid then go out with other people, to me it sounds like he cant be arsed with the basics. Theres better men out there for you.

I remember someone once telling me you should always marry a man who you could have a really good conversation with. Then, when you are old and bits have started dropping off you can still enjoy a damn good chat.

I would love a combination of the 2 men but I am not sure he exists

He does exist, you just haven't met him yet.

Have you ever sat down for breakfast everyday on holiday and seen those couples who don't talk to each other, ever? DP and I always say we'd never want to be them, not in a smug way, more a horrified one! Friends are really important too, I have different types of chats with them, but that doesn't mean I don't need great conversation with DP. For me is happiness is both of those relationships.

Given your partner is the person you spend the most time with, surely you don't want to spend the rest of your life having stilted conversations with them?

I don't think there is a steadfast rule that couples must talk to each other and have stimulating conversation if that's just not how they work together. My DH and I are always talking, we are best friends and I can't imagine it being any other way. But I have friends who are not like this and don't 'chat' with their partners and have an altogether different kind of relationship, but it works for them.

The issue here OP is that you want one thing and he wants the other. Unless you can come to some sort of compromise the relationship isn't going to work, sadly.

zaphod, I'm sorry for what your ex did. but I agree you sound quite sad and that you may have settled for someone that won't leave you so dramatically.

Yes my absolute bestest friend ever. I tell him everything and vice versa .

witch - it's honestly not as bad as it sounds! We don't live together, we are more like 'friendly associates' than a couple, and it's nice to have someone who's so...I dunno....unassuming about the relationship. He puts no pressure on me at all. It's quite relaxing really.

I'd just love to be able to have an intelligent conversation and a guy who made me feel doted upon. And yes, you're right, I was so badly hurt when XH went that I could never ever properly trust a man again.

We are a right pair!

I have friends who I talk to about all sorts but my partner is my best friend. We talk about everything, from current affairs, to what we're reading, to films, to what we saw that day that made us laugh, as well as big, important stuff like our caring responsibilities for his parents, and politics, and how all that impacts on the future we want for ourselves. Whenever something great or something dreadful happens, the first person each of us want to talk to about it is the other.

I can't imagine not having that and the thought of settling for grunts and shrugs makes me sad. Don't settle - at the end of the day, who wants to look back and wonder why they spent so long with someone who wasn't interested in them.

Whaaaat? DH and I can happily sit in companionable silence but we also chat all the time - and we always have a good talk before we go to sleep. I can talk to him about anything and do!

I would love a combination of the 2 men but I am not sure he exists

I'm sorry but I think most people do have this combination with the people they marry. I mean, most good relationships anyway. I know mine does.

YANBU my DP is my best friend. Before I got with him I couldn't understand people who said they married their best friend. I'm so glad I didn't marry the last guy. Now I'm with DP I can't imagine being with someone/ marrying them and having DC with them if they weren't also someone I could chat to.

We chat about anything and everything tbh. We go through quiet periods but on the whole we talk a fair amount.

Sorry you're feeling this way OP. Are you sure he's the one you want to be with?

My partner is my best friend. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Conversation is hugely important to us.
We don't get much chance, and neither of us are one for chitter chatter, but we love a meaty debate.

Best part of the week- and I know he looks forward to it too.

The guy I was with before DH was like this. If we went out for dinner it would be silent. Conversation would be forced.

I also had seen how happy my DB was having met someone on the same wavelength as him and I knew I wanted that in my own relationship too. I split up with ex fiance and met DH.

He is one of my best friends and we always have something to talk about. We share a mutual hobby so that helps.

Don't get me wrong I still love chatting with my female friends, but I'm so glad I can do it with DH too.

TBH - and only you know your relationship, so take with a pinch of salt - I think if he can be chatty but not with you that's not a great sign. With my ex I knew it was done when I realised that I saved up my funny stories/observations/musings to share with other people because it seemed almost a waste to be at my best with him (I know, it was a horrible thing for me to think). I've been with DH for much longer than I was with ex, but I don't feel the same way about conversation with him - he's still the person in the world that I most want to charm! Obviously we can never be our best selves with our partners all the time - we spend too much time with them for that - but if they're never the person we make most effort with then that is, in my view, a shame.

Zaphod he isn’t my only friend, I have plenty of friends I talk to about all sorts of things.
What made you fall in love with your partner if you don’t converse?

I couldnt be with someone who didnt talk to me, partners are friends to and communication is the key to a relationship. Otherwise whats the point?

I’ve been with my DH 13 years. We talk about everything. I love it - he is my best friend 100% and he says I’m his. That’s not to say we can be all things to one another - I have other friends I share other interests with and that’s very important to me too.

I think if you haven't got kids.... This might be a long one. On holiday I watch elderly english people sit in silence with their books.

The thing is that if you have good conversations with your friends, but he's your best friend then surely you should have the best conversations with him?

When he was chatting just now why didn't you say afterwards, "God, I wish you talked to me like that."?