Your partner / husband isn't for conversation. This is what your friends are for. Aibu tojust find this so depressing?

My favourite part of my day is when me and DH just lay in the bed next to each other, fully dressed after putting the kids together and just chat. Sometimes for hours. Last night we had an hour and half long conversation about what superhero we would be in the marvel universe and why!

I think insider could be my DP's ex.

What do you do when you've read New Scientist and there's a really interesting article that you want to discuss and he just looks at you blankly and makes a knob joke? Eventually you give up, don't you?

DH never shuts up, occasionally I get a word in.
It was one of the main things what attracted me to him. He's a sociable, life and soul of the party type.
I find really quiet people hard work.

I don't know if it's the same threads people have mentioned here but I also read one a few weeks back about a partner who didn't chat. It made me realise how lucky I am that me and my dh can and do have really good conversations about lots of things. We can be rowing over him eating all the bread one minute then I'll say, 'did you read that article in so and so and what do you think' and we will chat about that then go back to squabbling over the bread again when we've finished! I didn't realise that this was important until I'd considered that others maybe don't have this. Upon reflection of it I realised I was lucky and actually it'd be a dealbreaker for me. Conversations and discussing how you both perceive the world and events means you can grow together. I'd never be as open and honest with others as I am with my dh because sometimes you have to work on what you feel and think to work out if you're right or totally out of order. We sort it out together and I trust his judgement.
Op, does he read much or go and see interesting things (films/theatre/etc)? Can you Do stuff that's interesting together so you've something to chat about? That may help and it might improve with practice?

Oh I had this. The kindest man in the world. Sex was great. However, talking to him was exactly like playing Tennis with a statue - it would just fall flat. He was very interested in everything I had to say and wanted me to keep saying things, going out, etc However, he would just smile at me an reply with 'hmm' or 'that's strange, isn't it?'. I tried everything to kill the need for that conversation but I just couldn't. I had been in relationship where there was friendship, lots of conversation, jokes, debates etc and this just couldn't work.

I ended it in the end. We're still friends (not enemies) but I'd rather watch paint dry than spend another minute with him. I'd rather be alone forever than be with a man that I can't enjoy talking with. What will be left when we're old and grey and can't do exciting thing any longer? Not worth it.

And laughter. Personally I couldn’t be with someone that didn’t make me chuckle

I agree with the person who said, what happens when you’re old. And you’re bits fall off!
Friendship is key to a good relationship it gets you through the tough times.
All the rest goes in waves in my opinion, but friendship sees you through it all

FASH since I don't live with my DP, he certainly doesn't take the bins out (or perform any other household duties in my home).

*cats

That's not true! I couldn't live my life with someone I can't have interesting conversation with. If you don't have that friend type chemistry don't marry him, I don't get bored bring around DH far from it, we do also have separate interests and hobbies but still talk to each other about them and pretty much any random crap under the sun from politics to whether there is an ongoing feud between two neighbouring cars, to whether wimpy is really a front door a criminal enterprise (how does it make money??). Christ are DHs just for taking the bins out and conjugal duties...

witch - thank you. They do bear a startling similarity (although mine won't be 39 quite yet). Depressing to think that there's more than one like this about. But he truly was a man I could talk to about absolutely anything and we'd have riotous and sometimes daft conversations for hours.

DP thinks he's 'off the wall' and has far ranging interests but...he's just not. Very fond of him though. Just can't talk to him.

Gosh no! Not true at all! DH is my best friend and we talk about all sorts! We could talk until the small hours! And used to before the baby came along

DH and me talk, about everything. Been together 20 years with a 10 month break inbetween.

we can happily sit in silence for hours doing our own thing in our own thoughts. But we are comfortable with that, as we talk so much we know about each others day, and what's going on, if one of us breaks the silence then we chat away.

I do have other friends too.

When we split, it was me who had a mini breakdown (our marriage was not perfect I don't believe anyone's is) I wanted out, he was devastated but let me go, only we both had nowhere to go to straight away.

we lived separate lives, got under each others feet, argued and name called each other.

But we still talked, we sat in the garden most days, smoking and talking, we talked about our plans for our new lives, we talked about the dc, we talked about what went wrong, we pointed fingers, we laughed and cried.

I know the exact point that I started to reconsider, I had a massive anxiety attack about something, followed by, the just wanting to climb into bed and cry and not get out again. The DC needed getting to school, I needed to be a work ect ect, he came straight home, made me tea and toast left it by my bed, took the DC to school, came back told me to not worry about pick up he'll get them, left my favourite chocolate bars on the bedside table, then left for work.

We are both changed people now, we both (for our own reasons) sort help with our respective issues.

We just never stopped talking, something we still acknowledge now.

I couldn't be with someone I couldn't share my day with or hear about their day, or just talk nonsense.

I think you are mismatched, sorry witch

witch - he decided he wanted to meet other people. It's kind of a long story but he was young (younger than me) when we met and quite shy and during the nine years we were together he decided he had 'grown up' and was no longer shy and that people wanted to be with him...

yeah. It was absurd, but he had a breakdown after trying to train for a career that he was patenty unsuited for and which I had tried to talk him out of. So he left in the midst of the breakdown, leaving me devastated. I loved him utterly. I now know how wrong it was for me to base my happiness around that one person. I'm a bit more balanced now!

I think it can be easy to not engage in meaningful conversation. By the time you’ve gone to work, come home, made dinner, tidied up, tv on etc. Me and my DH have gotten into the habit of chatting for a while when we go to bed and I really look forward to that part of my day. Maybe that could become part of your routine.

I agree too.

OH and I have been together 22 years and having a conversation over a glass of wine is the highlight of the week

I knew someone once who used to speak about an ex of his and how they never had anything to talk about, and his way of looking at it was “you have to think about those long nights by the fire”. I think this is correct. It’s very easy now with the technological and distraction-filled society we live in to overlook it, but ultimately you want to be with someone you can talk to! DH is my best friend, and the person I spend most of my time with. It’s absolutely possible to find a combination of physical/sexual attraction and friendship, so don’t sell yourself short and settle!

Agree with Jaxhog. You can’t spend the rest of your life like this

But I’m also very lucky in having some incredible friends who are also great company and very amusing too ( bit of a theme here - I need that humour in my life).

Seriously sad. I've been married for 40 years, and we still have loads to talk to each other about. We're rarely stuck for conversation.

If you can't converse, leave him now. It will only get worse.

I’ve been with DH for 26 years. I married him 25 years ago because I thought he was the funniest, wittiest, kindest and most clever man I’d ever met (and I come from a family of witty, clever, kind men). And today he still makes me laugh out loud, as I do him. We share different views on things, but we agree on just about everything important. Our DD has inherited her father’s lovely kind wit. It is the best thing in the world to talk about everything under the sun, to amuse each other and to sit in companionable silence. I know I’d rather be Single than not have that conversation, that lovely banter, that intellectual discussion.

witch - the trouble is that I HAD that 'best friend, talk about anything, conversation underlying everything' with my XH. AND IT DIDN'T SAVE US. He left me anyway. Distraught and traumatised. And ours was the relationship built on constant communication.

So, yes, it's great when you can have it, but it doesn't always save you from heartbreak.

It sounds like this relationship is not really suitable for you - please don't feel you have to stay in it because you might end up being single again.
Single is good.
A partner should be a friend as well but never your only friend. Everyone needs more than one person to talk to and hang out with - do you have anyone else you socialise with? Because it's possible, if you don't have enough other friends to talk to, that he's withdrawing a bit because you are dumping all your stored up conversation on him...