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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Two terminations in one year

87 replies

bambambi · 18/05/2018 09:12

First post here so please be kind. I had a termination a few months ago, this was due to the coil being ineffective (since been removed), I was heartbroken to have to do it but I already had a baby and was struggling with PND and anxiety.
I've recently found out I'm pregnant again, this time it's my fault. My depression and anxiety got so bad after the first termination that I would book a doctors appointment to get a new form of contraception and then when the time came I would cancel it and just not feel up to going. One time I got so anxious about going that I actually vomitted, I've never been like this about going to the doctor.
So this brings me to now, I didn't end up getting the pill, I only had sex once as I felt that I was letting DP down the way I was being and that brings me to now. I have my phone consultation in a few days and I'm so scared they're going to tell me I have to keep the baby or just that they're going to make things difficult for me. Is this my anxiety speaking or am i right to feel like this? (I know what I did was stupid, please don't comment telling me that)

OP posts:

YorkieDorkie · 18/05/2018 10:01

@ohcomeon12321 there are ways of being pro-life without being an insensitive twat.

YorkieDorkie · 18/05/2018 10:00

OP I hope you can find some trust in the professionals. You're not the first and you won't be the last. Mistakes happen but I think you know what's the right decision for you. Do you have a supportive DP? I know you said you feel you're letting him down but is he making you feel like that or are you assuming because of your anxiety?

LeapToad · 18/05/2018 09:59

Be kind to yourself, you've had an awful time. Even if you had got the pill this could have happened, I got pregnant on the pill.

If the coil hadn't failed then you wouldn't have got pregnant either time, the coil failing and then anxiety which you weren't in control of led to this not you.

They definitely won't refuse to. I hope your partner is being supportive. Book a doctors appointment now in order to arrange contraception too and tell DP, is he able to book time off work to go with you for either?

ohcomeon12321 · 18/05/2018 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MinervaMermaid · 18/05/2018 09:59

I have reported Oh comment.
Make the call today OP- you won't be judged and you need to sort it out. Then it will be over. Please be kind to yourself- it sounds like you are having a tough time. Speak with your partner and get the support you need in RL to get you to a better place

DerelictWreck · 18/05/2018 09:58

I've reported you for being an utter douchecanoe

VladmirsPoutine · 18/05/2018 09:58

@ohcomeon12321 Piss off you disgusting troll.

GreenMeerkat · 18/05/2018 09:58

ohcomeon...... if you have nothing constructive to say then don't comment.

OP, there's a pregnancy choices section on this forum this post may be better in. You can get some unhelpful, nasty comments in AIBU that you really don't need right now.

Nobody will tell you what to do, that is up to you, but please do talk to your DP.

Have you considered the hormonal implant as contraception? You only have to have it fitted once then don't have to worry about it for three years. So no trips to doctors or pharmacies to collect prescriptions. It might be a better solution for your circumstances.

AnyFucker · 18/05/2018 09:57

Reported the twat

to you, op. Take care. No judgement here.

YorkieDorkie · 18/05/2018 09:57

@ohcomeon12321 reported you horrible person.

NoNoCharlieRascal · 18/05/2018 09:56

Fuck off ohcomeon12321 not helpful or needed you judgey arse

FowlisWester · 18/05/2018 09:56

That's an unhelpful comment OH. Obviously abortion shouldn't be used as a form of birth control but come on you can read that the op isn't quite right.

Battleax · 18/05/2018 09:54

@ohcomeon12321 Get. To. Fuck.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 18/05/2018 09:53

Helpful Oh, you utter arsewipe.

ohcomeon12321 · 18/05/2018 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 18/05/2018 09:52

I too had two in a year due to contraceptive failure, went through my GP and the NHS. Nobody judged me (even though I was judging myself).

It will be fine.

beachysandy81 · 18/05/2018 09:51

So sorry you are going through this. Have you had any support for PND and anxiety? Please ask for more support. No one will judge you, it must happen a lot. Most of all be kind to yourself, things will get better.

MargaretCavendish · 18/05/2018 09:50

I'm sorry you're in such a bad place with your anxiety, but it absolutely is your anxiety speaking

I have my phone consultation in a few days and I'm so scared they're going to tell me I have to keep the baby or just that they're going to make things difficult for me.

I promise this won't happen. It is in no one's interest to make you keep a pregnancy you don't want. They probably will want to talk to you about reliable contraception for afterwards, which it sounds will be helpful for you. But no one should make you feel ashamed - you've made a mistake while you were ill; that doesn't make you anything other than human.

FuckingBUTTERbeans · 18/05/2018 09:48

I had two in one year with Marie Stopes. Awful experiences, but they were so, so lovely. You will not be judged or made to feel bad. Be kind to yourself.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/05/2018 09:48

You poor thing. No one there will judge you, less still force you to have a baby.

Can your partner or someone else close to you support you to see the GP for contraception and your anxiety?

LagunaBubbles · 18/05/2018 09:48

Blaming yourself isnt helpful. But it seems as if there is a lot going on, including how you feel about having sex with your partner. Im really curious why he didnt use a condom? Go to your GP and also get contraception sorted out to between you both

HellonHeels · 18/05/2018 09:45

you sound quite unwell, be kind to yourself.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 18/05/2018 09:45

They certainly will not make it hard for you or pass judgement, please dont worry!! These things happen and I have a friend who had two terminations in a year and she was given excellent care.

HelloFreedom · 18/05/2018 09:44

for you.

FizzyGreenWater · 18/05/2018 09:44

This is NOT your fault.

Please stop with the letting your DP down... why is he not wearing a condom?! I'm reserving my here for him.

You will be fine, as others have said you will not be the first or last in this position. But please, see someone about your anxiety. You can't go on like this.

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