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Original poster

To really hate my house.

135 replies

Fedupfeelingthisway · 04/07/2017 10:59

We moved into our house 10 years ago this month. It's my husband's "dream house" and I went along with it at the time because I felt it had potential. At the time although it needed a lot of work done to it, I felt it would be ok. I knew that I would struggle to keep it clean myself as it literally would be a full time job I. Itself.

Anyway fast forward 10 years and it's had nothing spent on it and it's a delapodated shit hole. I fucking detest it with every ounce of my soul. However it's still my husband's dream house and despite the fact it's falling down around our ears if I ever say anything derogatory about it he takes it very badly. We basically don't have the money to do it up let alone maintain it, but until some kind of miracle happens it's just going to get worse.

I'm fed up, I'm constantly miserable because the house is always filthy, dusty and stinks. i hate it and not a week goes by where I don't break down because I'm so unhappy living here. If my husband ever catches me he gets angry and accuses me of being ungreatful.

It smells of rot, dogs and kids. It leaks in almost every room. Large black mouldy patches on ceilings, rotting window frames and wall paper hang off. Ancient heating system, filthy carpets. It was last decorated in the 70s and whoever was here before us simply painted over the wall paper. There are cobwebs too high to reach, it's dingy ancient and we don't even have guttering anymore. I absolutely hate it and if we ever do have money it'll just disappear into fixing what has been left to rot. We can't even afford new furnisture or carpets.

I don't even invite my friends over any more and my kids never have theirs round either.

I'm in tears writing this. I just can't take much more, I hate it so much. But we are stuck with it.

OP posts:
RiseToday · 04/07/2017 11:19

Bloody hell, it sounds like a house of horrors not a dream house!

What is so 'dream like' about it from your husbands perspective? Is he happy living in that environment? He sounds like a selfish arse who is not taking any of your (legitimate) concerns into consideration. Can you afford to move on your own if need be, to rented accommodation? Then I would be issuing an ultimatum which would be - move with us into a more habitable property if we divorce, sell the shit hole and I'll start again on my own

lemureyes · 04/07/2017 11:18

Sorry to hear it's upsetting you so much OP! 💐
Your husband quite frankly needs a bollocking! He cannot just get mad at you for being upset about the house, your needs should be equal to his. You both need a sit down and talk this out, he needs to understand why you are upset without getting angry. A good look at finances is also a good idea, then maybe create a plan on what needs to be fixed in order of urgency.

Maybe have a look to see if your bank will lend you more on your mortgage to do repairs on what sounds like a house that is uninhabitable.

PNGirl · 04/07/2017 11:13

It would be ultimatum time for me. I would have to stress the effect on my mental health and ask if that's less important to him than living in a house you can't afford to live in.

rightwhine · 04/07/2017 11:13

He's not going to let it go unless you make him - and that depends on the strength of your relationship.

Are you prepared to split up if it comes to it? Because that is the only way he is going to realise how important this is to you.

PoisonousSmurf · 04/07/2017 11:11

Also, what the F** has he been doing for the last 10 years?

PoisonousSmurf · 04/07/2017 11:09

I would move out! If the house has no gutters and mold growing, then the walls will be full of damp. Sounds like it needs serious money spending on it.
You'd be safer and healthier living in a caravan!
You NEED to show him how you feel. I bet he doesn't spend as much time in it as you do, so he doesn't see the problems?

LaurieMarlow · 04/07/2017 11:05

Gosh, that sounds hard OP. I know what it's like to be unhappy in your living environment, it's very hard to bounce back from.

In what sense is it DH's dream house?

Very depends where she is. Where we are you could sell literally anything with four walls.

ExPresidents · 04/07/2017 11:05

This sounds awful OP. It can't continue indefinitely.

Is there any money to do the basics the house needs to make it clean and free from mould/rot/damp?

If not I think you are going to have to cut your losses and sell. Your DH is going to have to have a proper conversation with you about this, surely he doesn't want to see it fall apart around you?

Go out for dinner/make dinner and sit down for a proper unemotional discussion. Don't say you hate the house and he can't say he loves it, in purely practical terms, is this lifestyle sustainable barring a miracle cash injection (which you know is not going to happen).

TheSeaPriestess · 04/07/2017 11:04

Hang on, why do his wants trump yours? A good relationship should involve compromise and it sounds like you are the only one doing that. He's had his chance, it's been 10 years ffs! If he gets angry with you over something as reasonable as not wanting to live in a shit tip your problems are way bigger than your house.

For me it would be ultimatum time, or even just make plans to move out on your own. He doesn't seem to care much about your needs at all. What is your relationship like in other areas?

VeryButchyRestingFace · 04/07/2017 11:02

Sounds horrendous. Is it even a safe living environment?

Do you think it's sellable in its current state?