To really hate my house.

Auto, what did you do out of interest?
I feel for this op, but until her husband realises really how she feels then it sounds like he will let things carry on for another decade.
I hope she can find a way through.

There is so many " you can't do that " or you can't do this on here. How about some positivity to help her, other than just leave? She may not be willing to do that.

She says her house is filthy and dusty, then clean it. It's a start, yes she might have rotting carpets, but she might not, it depends on the severity of the leak and she doesn't have to live with bare floorboards or filthy carpets. Unless the floorboards are going to be sanded and varnished just ripping the carpets up isn't going to help. It might smell of rot, but it also doesn't need to smell of kids and dog too.

Cleaning the house top to bottom, putting some cheap plastic clear runner over where it leaks, getting some mound treatment from b&q and doing what she can to hold it at bay, investigating the price of guttering, all these things help her move forward. Sticking plasters maybe, but at least they make some small improvements in her living environment in the meantime,

Tbf hipster when I lived in a similar house the mortgage was so big we wouldn't afford to sell it.

People think you only ever make money on houses but once they start deteriorating and you can't maintain them they lose value quickly.

I think the people recommending a lick of paint or a carpet cleaner are being really naive.

And you can rewrite your own house. No one is going to stop you.

But who the hell would be able to do it? I assisted my BIl in a partial rewire of my house. It's not easy AT ALL

It also required floorboard, skirting board, loft insulation and plaster board etc to be removed. Which means it all needs putting back. Which OP can't do, since it's all falling apart.

No one would want to buy it in its current sate. It's totally unsellable also with the market the way it is.

Everything sells, at the right price.

After 10 years of paying down the mortgage you must have a decent chunk of equity in there.

How can you be selfish when you've lived unhappily in his dream for 10 years?

Black mould is extremely hazardous to human health. I wouldn't make a child live in that kind of environment for a day longer than I had to.

Is there anywhere you could go with the children? Your DH needs to see you're serious about leaving the house from hell.

Oh OP. Now I have started thinking about it I know so many people who have been in similar situations- I think it's pure selfishness from your DH, but he is probably lost too with no idea how to admit that he can't cope with the house. Probably thinks he will never have another opportunity to have it etc

There is no doubt in my mind this will be seriously affecting your mental and maybe physical health. A house isn't worth it. Please either borrow money for the work (and sell) or sell if you can afford to take the hit of dropping the price down.

Either way, give yourself a deadline. 2017 is the last year you will spend in this hell

Bluntness Hire a carpet cleaner and clean the carpets, will cost you about 30 quid.

If she has leaks in almost every room and the house smells of rot, then I suspect the underlay has rotted over the last ten years. A carpet cleaner won't shift that; in fact, it will probably make it worse (I speak from experience ).

A better bet would be to rip the carpets up and tip them. It would be far healthier to have stone floors or wooden floorboards than rotting underlay under carpet, plus it would also give the op an idea of how bad the floorboards are underneath.

You can rewire (yourself if you are half competent) at the same time

No you can't you need a properly qualified electrician to do the work and sign off on it.

Do not touch the electrics

Do not pull plasterboard off it could be the only thing holding the roof up. Current house (1950s bungalow) had this. Everything had to be accro propped before they began just in case. Which turned out to be a good call

If the house is grade 2 listed you cant touch anything till you have had the ok from the council.

Just to give you some idea about costs to all those people saying to just do this and that. I had a section of a wall which randomly stuck 2ft 6" into our narrow hall way. We knew it was part of a supporting wall. But before the builder could do anything I had to have a structural engineer confirm what we knew and building regs. Cost before builder had started removing the section of wall £450. With a listed building it would have been more.

What's the point of "a lick of paint" if more black mould is going to grow on it?
Complete waste of time and money.

StaplesCorner - I'm sorry my post rang alarm bells with you. It is abusive I'm afraid. Not caring about your wife's happiness. Forcing her to live in filth and squalor. Making her feel too scared to challenge the status quo... I could go on.

FIL and MIL lived without a washing machine for two years simply because he refused to buy a new one. Two years of hand washing clothes and trips to the launderette...

user, with all due respect, you don't know it won't be expensive. I have a friend who spent 8yrs in a similar situation. The house was stunning and listed. Like the OP, all the windows were rotting and the quote just to replace the windows was close to 30k! To make the house habitable and decent was a 200k job and my friend's husband finally realised that whilst they'd been able to stretch to an amazingly beautiful dream home, they in no way could not would ever be able to stretch to the work it needed nor the ongoing maintainance required.

Cmon on op. It doesn't take money to do a lot to improve your environment, it doesn't need to be filthy, right? Hire a carpet cleaner and clean the carpets, will cost you about 30 quid. A few tins of paint, an extendable roller, some wallpaper paste to stick down the paper that's ripped, you can do that, even if you have to save a little each week. It doesn't cost much, more it's time.

So you can either keep living like this and it gets worse and worse, or you say fuck it, roll your sleeves up and make the best of it, and in the first place, cleaning it will make you all feel a huge amount better.

Give it a good clean, make it smell nice and not of dogs and kids, then think of a couple of rooms you wish to improve and look at giving them a lick of paint. Honestly, yes the major problems will remain, but fixing what you can now, will help your mental state hugely.

Krusty Period properties cost a lot to do up and an awful lot to maintain and we didn't realise how much when we bought it.

Yep. A few people I know who successfully live in big period properties have offset the cost of running the home by installing small wind turbines (which is another planning and expense issue in itself) so that the electricity they generate covers the cost of heating.

User Take some responsibility and and start taking the plasterboard off, back to the studs, it's not expensive to put it back!!! Get the gutters fixed and it'll be bliss.

Before the op does this, she has to ensure the roof and walls are sound and water tight. She says she has leaks in every room, coupled with black mould, which suggests there could be a problem with the roof or that the lack of guttering has meant water has seeped into the walls.

That needs sorting before she does anything else. So you are looking at an investigation to determine the problem, scaffolding to possibly repair the roof and install the guttering, on top of any treatment for the mould. In my area (rural North), it would be a £1.5k for the survey alone. The scaffolding would be another £600+ depending on the size of the house and time it needs to be up, and nothing's been actually fixed yet.

And I don't think you can rewire yourself anymore unless you have the appropriate qualifications and documentation. Some EU legislation was passed a few years ago that means it is now illegal to even install your own light fittings if you are not a professional electrician.

I would leave. Black mould is not ok to be living in. You are risking yours and your children's health.

@StaplesCorner I would also leave if I were you. I cannot imagine putting up with this. The fact your children are embarrassed says it all. They will appreciate you leaving and providing them with a safe environment.

I was so gald to get away from our first house.

Constantly finding new horrors - having things done to find they needed re-doing - it ate all our money and so much time.

DH got very good at procrastinating - I assume as it felt so overwelming - but he'd want more and more quotes till I flipped and we had major rows. Never enough money and we never really got to do the fun bits.

Throw in an nasty neigbour - and we both went off the place . I got stuck there with kids while DH worked away trying to get place ready to sell. Then it took forever to sell.

My parents had told us to get one room finsihed - but DH wouldn't we ended up bitting and bobbing and felt could never relax. Sold it finally for 14 grand less than paid for it but had had enough by then.

Next house needed as little as possible need doing. Windows will need replacing - seals are going at quite a rate but have thick curtains up as I know he'll put it off as long as possible - everything esle is done. It's a hugh relief.

Make a list of what needs to be done.
Get quotes for work
Talk to estate agents
Have a plan to move forward.

try and fgigure out what your DH still see in the place - after 10 years surely potentail must be waning a bit.

He's being a man and thinking of it as his dream

Eh? So OP and her kids are living in unsanitary squalor because her husband is "being a man"?

You don't think much of men, do you?

I wouldn't recommend trying to rewire such a dump unless you really know what you're doing.

Why not just get some quotes from a local agent? You and your kids can't live like this. You will probably take a loss but honestly living in a small 2 bed rented flat would be preferable.

I was raised in a house that overwhelmed my mum and I took the shame and embarrassment right through to adulthood.

I still feel the impact if someone calls unexpectedly even though my house is ok.

See outside advice about your options and don't let your husband wreck your happiness and that of your children.

I think you need to ignore a lot of the crap on here, that pushes it on to DH. He's being a man and thinking of it as his dream. but thinking of it all at once, rather than taking it a bit at a time.

Take some responsibility and and start taking the plasterboard off, back to the studs, it's not expensive to put it back!!! Get the gutters fixed and it'll be bliss. Even if it takes 3 years to do. You can rewire (yourself if you are half competent) at the same time. It's not expensive!

Hugs OP that sounds awful and you sound so fed up. I want to echo other posts but also ask - can you please get a carbon monoxide detector asap? I'd be very worried about the ancient heating system and at least if you knew it wasn't immediately dangerous that would be load off. Take care xx

I asked if it is in a desirable area because if it is and it is big enough to split, that may be how to get the means to do up your part. Is that feasible?

Sell or leave, OP, it's not worth it. About 10 years ago we bought MY dream house, a grade II listed property that had been allowed to go to rack and ruin. We poured money into it and worked and spent money on it every year for the eight years we lived in it. It was a beautiful place and we really enjoyed living there, more for the location that the actual house. For lifestyle reasons, we sold up and bought a new build in the country and I am really glad we did. MUCH easier to clean and maintain, no hidden horrors, cheap to run, warm in the winter and we have cash to spend on having fun with the kids. I cried the day we Ieft that house but now I would never go back. Life is a lot easier and that house would have been more and more of a mill stone around our necks as we got older. It just took me a while to see it. Period properties cost a lot to do up and an awful lot to maintain and we didn't realise how much when we bought it. Give him an ultimatum, he might be relieved. It can hardly be HIS dream house either, from the sounds of it.

I know a bit about doing up properties and whilst taking on a small wreck is doable if you are not living there and have thousands available to get on with the renovation straight away, a big wreck is a definite no no unless it is your dream home, you have access to hundreds of thousands of pounds, a lot of time and somewhere else to live.

Someone will always want properties like this. It is just finding the right buyer

Why on earth would you put your children through the Shame and embarrassment of living somewhere that is quite frankly stinking and a health hazard?

Your husband is dysfunctional and it's time you called his bluff and moved out.

Go to your local housing office and tell them that you and your DC are homeless

The man does not care about your or the children's needs in terms of living standards - it is at least up to you to take some form of control