To really hate my house.

Oh zombie

Oh wow I thought you were going to say it’s been 10 years and you’ve renovated it but still hate it!

I think it’s time to cut your losses and sell.

If DH doesn’t agree, divorce him.

I could have written this myself. 😭😭😣 I feel exactly the same way about my house. It’s a dilapidated shite hole. I want to throw a grenade at it and run away.
Out of interest, how are you getting on now? Are you still there?

You need to talk to your husband and have an action plan (hopefully to sell it!)

Stumbly "the family money" OP clearly says "We can't even afford new furnisture or carpets"

The house is too large and old for them to afford basically. They've taken on a house which needs more done to it than they're able to pay for.

Is there a reason you haven't done anything in 10 years?

Do you have access to the family money?

If so, can't you sort it out as easily as your DH could?

Not saying that's right since he was the one that wanted it in the first place but maybe you can organise getting enough done to sell it or make it somewhere you might like to live?

If you don't have access to family money or a say in what it's spent on then there's bigger issues here than the house...

How is it his dream house? Location?

Can you make and agree a list of stuff that needs done, roughly price it up and get him to see it's totally impossible to live there?

I agree with Bluntness100. Or, leave, as others have said.

It's all a bit moot though, as OP hasn't come back since this morning.

Just get an estate agent in to value it.
Make your decision then, you might be surprised at the value and interest it would generate.

If you bought it 10 years ago - I would imagine that you have generated some equity - even if it has deteriorated - or it is at least what you paid for it. Is he, or are both of you hung up on renovating / developing to make a profit? If so - then you need to just accept that you are not in the position to do that and move on. As I said up thread - I am in a v similar situation (not DH fault tho) and the worst is that my kids are ASHAMED of their home and wont have people over. I am gutted and ASHAMED that I allowed this to happen to them. So I am breaking free and moving. I dont have the appetite for it any longer.....

We've just sold our house because we couldn't afford to do the work on it that it needed. It's got loads going for it in terms of location and size, but all I could see was the stuff I'd wanted to fix for years but could never afford to sort out. Someone else will look at your house and be amazed by the high ceilings, not the inaccessible cobwebs. I felt completely different about my house when I was tidying it up to sell it - absolutely energised and relieved to be doing something positive instead of being stuck in a depressing cycle of seeing problems but not being able to deal with them.

Make a list of all the reasons it's your husband's dream home. Those are the selling points. Make a list of all the things you could tackle, like stripping wallpaper/taking out carpets, and do as much as you can. Get an agent around to look at it and give you a ballpark figure for an asking price, plus advice on what needs to be done before it can be sold (gutters, I'd suggest, even if it's expensive, as they'll be flagged up on any survey and you'll lose that money anyway). Then go and find a property or two that you could afford to buy on that basis, that don't come with these problems, and make your DH come and view them with you. If he sees alternatives, he might realise at last that his dream is too expensive for you and that your lives could be better with a different home even if it's smaller, modern, characterless etc... It's hard to admit you can't deal with something but it's not a failure. Ask him to consider other options WITH you and try to make it into a joint project rather than something to argue about. Of course he SHOULD want what you want, but at the moment he doesn't, or won't admit he does. That doesn't mean he'll never agree with you.

I think the people recommending a lick of paint or a carpet cleaner are being really naive

No one is saying that will solve the problem. What's being said is living in s filthy and dusty house isn't ok or necessary, if she has no money, and can't or won't move, then at least cleaning it then at least cleaning it or what ever is a first step.

Just conintuing to live in a filthy house and crying isn't going to help her. She needs to do what she can in her power to improve it. And it sounds like a deep clean is the required first step. It shouldn't smell of dogs and kids and be filthy and dusty. There is no need.

I am in a similar position OP. Big house, constantly repairing it and mouldy. I feel like I am in that film The Money Pit with Tom Hanks. Two years ago I stopped putting my money into the joint account and I started saving. In three years time when my daughter finishes school I am moving out and renting with or without my husband. I am still depressed, I don't have friends round either but as I have a plan I now can cope. You need to have a plan to go it will help I promise. My husband knows and says he will finish it and we can either sell or stay but I have been clear I am not living here any longer than my daughters schooling days.

OP I'm not sure what you mean when you say the house won't sell with the state of the current market?

The facts are prices are at an all time high and stock levels are at record lows, any property that is priced accurately to reflect it's condition WILL sell and will sell quite quickly, the only houses that aren't selling are the ones that have greedy deluded vendors with unrealistic asking prices.

Take the kids and go rent somewhere .

Leave him to fester in it

If I were you I'd get rid of all the carpets for starters - easier to sweep a wood or lino floor than try to clean manky old carpet.
Then I'd get rid of DH.........

Seriously he needs to get his head out of his arse and start renovating or marketing to sell. You own half this house - he doesn't get to dictate what happens with it.

Feel for you op. Our house has been a shit hole for ages. Coming out of it now but riddled with debt. I don't agree you can do the whole thing but there is lots you can do. I made my husband become handy round the house. These days the skirting he put on is neater than the chippy we were paying £200 a day too. I've done loads in our house too, sanding down window frames, floors, taking up carpets, painting. If you haven't got any money you have no choice but to do as much as you can yourself. A lot of renovation work isn't hard it's just a ball ache.

How tidy is your house? If you have loads of clutter it will feel worse. Can you get a new boiler fitted on one of the schemes?

You need to try and get some of the vital work done even if you have to saddle yourself with more debt as I suspect you have very little option to remain how you are.

Your husband has no desire to improve your living conditions or he would have by now.

I would seriously think about exiting the marriage - he obviously doesn't care too much.

Question to ask your dh.

If this house is meant to be your dream him why is it in such a state
Why aren't you looking after it?

If money is the issue then maybe he cant afford his dream.

Life is for living and not wasting being unhappy living in a s**thole when you can do something about it

God it is miserable isn't it artisan

You can rewire your own house. You need building control or a professional electrician to certify it at the end, but it is fucking miserable to do it. Duh and I renovated a 3 bed flat doing the works ourselves inc wiring and plumbing before kids. It took 3 months to do the wiring and it was every evening, every weekend etc. I put on 2 stone because it was so bloody horrible I comfort ate.

As others have said you should try and find some money for the guttering as soon as possible or the damp and rotting windows are going to get worse - trust me.

Hopefully the new guttering will stop the leaks and you can then look at tackling some other jobs one at a time. Concentrate on one job or one area at a time to make it seem less overwhelming.

I think the people recommending a lick of paint or a carpet cleaner are being really naive.

And you can rewire your own house. No one is going to stop you.

But who the hell would be able to do it? I assisted my BIl in a partial rewire of my house. It's not easy AT ALL

It also required floorboard, skirting board, loft insulation and plaster board etc to be removed. Which means it all needs putting back. Which OP can't do, since it's all falling apart.

Reported for errors!

We've lost money on houses. Its not fun, but we've never had the luck others seem to get!
This current house needs work but not on this scale.
Its always easy money as people think.

We were lucky to be in a high value area- we were able to wait it out until there was a shortage of houses for sale and sold at about 10% below market price which we could just afford (walked away with the deposit we'd put down 15 years previously but nothing more)