I am stunned at this wedding list

Wedding lists are bloody useful. It's so easy (and totally impersonal!) to go online and click a few buttons rather than traipse around various shops agonising over what to get, especially when spare time is so precious.

Slightly off-topic: The last wedding I went to was for a VERY well-off couple who have recently had their house renovated and their kitchen kitted out with the latest gadgets. We bought their gift at the last minute and all that was left was a load of crap. Somehow I felt that buying a set of champagne flute brackets 'so that one's glass doesn't fall over while picnicing at Glyndebourne' a complete piss-take and there was no way I was going to spend half a week's food budget on it (times is tight these days for the Macbeths) so I bought them a charity voucher that was also on their list. Felt a bit sanctimonious but pleased that my money was being better spent.

(I think the family member in question is bang out of order by the way!)

This just goes to show you can't please all of the people all of the time...
When we got married, we said we didn't need anything, and put together a list of charitable donations people could make if they wanted at goodgifts.com . However, I come from a small town and load of my parents friends complained that they wanted to buy US a present... so we put together a list at John Lewis. As it turned out, we got about half and half.
I'm not sure how I feel about the extension. A close friend of mine asked for the same thing... it was her Oh's second marriage and they both had everything they needed for their houses. Maybe its a Scottish thing, but I think if they hadn't asked for money for their extension (which is beautiful and cost them way more than they got in gifts) they would have been given lots of stuff they didn't need. Lots of people (often the older generation) WANT to give wedding gifts. They listed that £1 would buy a certain number of bricks, tiles etc, but also stated they didn't NEED anything. I think I gave them £20worth of bricks.
Take the lovely crystal decanter I got from my elderly aunt who took one look at our list and proclaimed 'They must need a crystal decanter"
Probably about £200 with glasses - gathering dust at the back of the cupboard.

take sorry

I reckon everyone should tale a brick!

Message withdrawn

I have no problems at all with wedding lists. I would always buy a present if I were a guest, and as long as the list has enough of a range I might even use it.

I find asking for money a bit yeuch, but in kitty's case, I can see why they would do that.

But an extension is a huge amount of money. My gift would buy a few bricks maybe. It wouldn't feel like I was making any contribution at all. So asking for money for an extension is not on IMO.

I absolutely refuse to give money as a wedding gift. They may as well charge you an entry fee. In this situation, I always buy a charity gift. Bought a desk and chair for a child in Africa for the last wedding we went to. It makes me so cross!

I don't see the problem here. You never have to buy a gift...but lots of people like to. A wedding is a joyous, special occasion and it's nice to give a gift (and especially one you know they will like/appreciate - hence the whole idea of a wedding list). I think it's mean that so many of you seem to think it's "vulgar". No one is forcing you to buy anything (well, I am assuming the invitation doesn't say "we'd really like money for our extension... and if you don't give it to us you can piss off and don't expect a free meal, drinks and entertainment on us")

Maybe they should have a Greek themed wedding and people could pin money to the bride's dress.

In my opinion it is vulgar to stipulate cash as a gift, if people opt to give them money off their own bat that's ok I guess.

I agree with morningpaper,2nd weddings of middleaged people who probably have two houses and enough stuff shouldn't ask for presents or money imo.
Not saying I wouldn't buy a gift .

OP that is vulgar

Oh, and M&S vouchers that we spent on a pinny (I was feeling domesticated at the time) some kitchen scissors and a lot of gin

Towels ARE good - who ever has enough posh towels?

My cousin recently got married, first time around but he and his fiancee had been together for years, and living together for at least 5 years. Their invitation read 'Please do not feel you have to buy us a present. As we have lived together for so long we already have all we need and just seeing you on the day will be enough'

Your bride and groom are very greedy and, I agree, vulgar to ask for stuff when they must have very little need. Blardy cheek, wedding list my arse.

As for giving them money. Pah!

And lots of tea towels and towels - haven't had to buy any more nearly 9 years on.

We didn't have a wedding list as DH is very firmly in the 'my god they are vulgar' camp. I did ask my parents for something specific, though, as I know from bitter experience what they'd come up with without some guidance.

(Mum told me that she was planning to get my sister a nice set of saucepans for her 30th. I steered her firmly in another direction).

The great thing about not having a wedding list is that we got some hilarious presents and some great things we wouldn't have thought about asking for. Like the complete set of plastic goods (washing up bowls, storage jars, even loo brush) from a friend of the family - fab idea and not expensive.

Buy them a gift from oxfam like this
Helps someone who really needs somewhere to live build a house!

actually, i've ballsed that up...

it must be 'and who is she?'

and who are you?

I don't think wedding lists are necessarily a bad idea per se, whoever is getting married, and whether it's 1st time round, 2nd time round, or whether the couple are rich and poor.

However, what I do object to is the damn thing being sent with the invite as it assumes that you will buy a present and it will be from this list.

Obviously, regardless of circumstances, many people do want to buy a gift to mark the occasion and they'd like it to be something useful, and/or for it to be well received. But in that case, what's wrong with phoning up and asking for the list, if one exists ?

To send a list, AND to ask for donations to a bloody extension at the same time is rude and vulgar. I hope no-one gives them any money at all.

oh i'd give a donation - but it would be to a charity of my choosing, on their behalf, and I'd send them a copy of the donation letter

in my opinion that's what they should have done themselves - say that presents aren't necessary but if people want to they could donate to, say, NSPCC, on their behalf.

yes greeve i am madonna.

i have just finished some aggressive hoovering which has calmed me down a bit.

morningpaper - could i swap houses with you - i like big, dusty houses and mine is full of (too many) children

just shows how feckless i am, doesn't it ?

Money for extension...rude!

If I was getting married I'd probably request vouchers from family/close friends but would in no way expect a gift!

wooden horse, VERY good

LOL at the wooden horse

I live in my big lonely houses in Edinburgh London and Austria where I scuttle about in dark rooms and lean over dusty computer screens and tsk tsk a lot while I judge other parents.

What's wrong with that?