I am stunned at this wedding list

oh bugger there goes our ploans then
dh and i were thinking of getting married again (to each other) so we can have the hen/stag partys and the presents
didnt have a list for our wedding but we got lots of b&q vouchers that helped decorate our house

I think asking for cash is really trashy. But then a family member of ours has not one, but two lists sent out with the invitations... The, please furnish our house with lovely goodies from a wedding list company list, and then the second list, please pay for all of our honeymoon "list with a twist".. where you hand over your cash to her sister and they spend it on "a bottle of champagne on arrival in Mauritius" or "dawn safari on the Okongo"..

I thought that was pretty tacky, but then they are struggling, or at least I'm assuming they are.. They both work full time, with him earning a six figure salary, and for some reason can't afford to pay for any of their enormous wedding, not even the postage on the 200 invitations...

Sorry to hijack this thread with my bitter and twisted views on the upcoming family wedding..

Don't have a problem with asking for cash.

Don't have a problem with it being a second marriage.

At the end of the day most people want to give a present of some sort so if they would rather have money towards something they want then why shouldn't they? Five years down the line they might think, "Thanks to our friends and family we have a lovely extension, without them we might have struggled."

Wedding lists are about as controversial as breast v bottle on Mumsnet, makes me laugh

I think John Lewis vouchers are fine personally (Having received some myself!)....
But I guess one person's vulgar behaviour is another's height of elegance! We did get a Harrod's token as a present - Very flash!
Worst present was a framed vintage concert poster for a band I don't like sigh.
what about people who give no present at all? I felt a bit hurt by not even a card from quite a few of our guests. not that they should feel obliged to give a gift and yet I did feel a bit hurt that some didn't.

what about store gift cards?

I agree it's vulgar.
Asking for cash feels all wrong to me.
You're then paying to go to a wedding which you may not even want to go to.

I'd buy them a contribution to Oxfam.

I really and truly would.

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When we got married we specifically asked for everybody NOT to buy us gift - dh had been married before and we had all we needed - just that the guests came along and enjoyed the day with us. It actually went down quite badly with some family members if you can believe it - as if we we're bragging that we had loads of stuff and didn't need their paltry gifts!! In the end after much nagging, we asked for towels (you can never have enough!!)we ended up with around 120! I use them instead of toilet paper...joke!

I don't have a problem with getting gifts for weddings/anniversary's/Birthday's - whatever the occassion may be - what I have a problem with is how it is requested...

EG - SIL and BIL married last year ( both 2nd marriages - she had just bought herself a brand new Porsche - CASH - 3 houses between them and a holiday home in France - so not exactly knocking on the poor house door!!)

Anyway - "keep the date free" card arrives ( and what the Feck is all that about ???) advising us of impending nuptuals and that the invitation proper will arrive in due course - wherein will be contained a red envelope for you to donate to "X and Y's "life fund" we do not require gifts but please feel free to place what you deem appropriate in the envelope"

Arrived at the wedding and placed around were cut glass bowls in which the red envelopes were to be placed - double

We gave what we deemed "appropriate" for their life fund - Photocopies of all notes of the realm and a bill for our matchmaker fees as we had introduced them !!!

Shame really as they truly are utterly lovely - but turned in to pretentious wedding twunts for a few mercifully short months in the lead up to the event !!!

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Think its in v poor taste esp as they have both been married before

My brother is getting married for the second time in November. Seems a bit harsh to say that his wife-to-be (who hasn't been married before) should dip out because he buggered up his first marriage (and he didn't anyway, his wife was a grade A cow who slept with his best friend when they had been married less than a year) and doesn't deserve any presents second time round.

Though asking for money for an extension is really unstylish, I have to say

I wish we hadn't had a list when we got married 12 years ago but it seemed to be the thing to do. All the things on it were quite cheap and very practical (we'd both just finished living as students so didn't genuinely have much stuff) which meant everybody seemed to think 'ooh we can't get them just teatowels' resulting in about 5 sets of dessert bowls and a dozen crystal vases. They clutter up the sideboard because I'd feel really ungrateful getting rid of them.

As for second marriages, I think it's really cheeky ASKING for presents when people have already forked out once (SIL asking for M & S glasses at £20 a throw springs to mind... her brother, my DH is still bitter about it...)

Can you all chip in and buy me one of those soup tureens for my wedding in November please

Seriously though, Im going to need ALOT ( Greeny) of help wrt etiquette, invitations and gifts......if not least because I hate china ornaments and lead crystal

I don't have a problem with wedding lists or requests for cash for specific purposes. I think they're very useful if you want to buy the couple a gift, but you're stuck for ideas and would like to get them something they need. However, I usually give them something non-list related anyway, and if they don't appreciate it, then stuff them!

Nor do I have problems with giving gifts for second weddings.

What I do have a problem with is the way that its sometimes worded, or the implication from the couple that its expected.

With the wording, I would expect it to say something along the lines of 'if guests wish to give presents, gift ideas can be found on our gift list at blah blah... ' Anything saying 'the bride and groom would appreciate cash donations for so-and-so', without also including a 'no gifts expected' sort of line, is kind of rude.
I think a lot of folks don't think about their wording hard enough, because it can offend and they may not realise that its being interpreted as an instruction.

We had a bit of a wobbly time recently concerning the wedding of some quite close friends. The bride didnt just imply, but stated quite clearly that she expected presents.
She said that as they were forking out such a lot of money on a party for so many people, that gifts were a small token in exchange, and that it would be rude not to give them.
We (some of the friends of bride) were quite gobsmacked at this attitude. Our (my) opinion is that the wedding is for you (as the bride and groom) and its your choice to celebrate it in the way you wish, but to imply its for the benefit of others is downright cheeky.
Although people love weddings, they usually have to fork out a fortune just to attend and they're not doing you a 'favour' in doing so, they're sharing your special day as you presumably want them to be there with you. The idea that it should be an 'exchange' is just insulting to those people.

Sorry, had a bit of a ramble there...Anyway, we agreed to disagree and they had a lovely day...

I bought dh a bar of soap once that said Arse on one side and Face on the other, in case he got them mixed up

I think it was from BHS, it would make a lovely wedding gift

i wish i'd asked for an extension now

i've also lost the top to my crystal decanter

get them something really naff and ugly like his and her soaps on ropes.

I think it depends on the couple and the situation surely?

And of course many people like buying presents and like the guidance of a wedding list. So in the end you always seem to be pissing someone off. I don't think I'll bother with this marriage malarky.

Still, I do think asking for money is off.

Last wedding I went to, the couple asked for money, but in a nicely humorous way (there was a little rhyme inside the invite, can't remember how it went but it didn't raise any hackles), and it specifically stated that that was only if we actually wanted to get them anything - no obligation.

As Mr LC is the bride's boss and he knows exactly how little she earns in his skinflint firm, AND up til now she's been a single parent through no fault of her own, we were more than happy to give them the dosh...

I think the OP's relatives are v. cheeky and the brick/teabags option is definitely to be considered!

MP - that is one fuck-off ugly soup tureen. And I like kitchen crap! (your post about the late 1980's had me shuddering in recognition - my bridesmaid's dresses were from Laura Ashley - thankfully non-floral! )

A couple at dp's work got married They had been together years and had all the kit injc a flat but they asked for money as they wanted to go travelling I thought that was bad but the extension is hilarious!

How rude und unneccessary.An extension that is making me laugh now as I can't believe two adults would actually decide to ask for cash like that Naff!