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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My v good mate has asked me to babysit her son...........................

93 replies

MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 19:42

She said she was going to pay me and we agreed to 1 day a week. This was a few wks ago. She txt'd me last night about this wed, i didnt even know it was this week she was going back to work. She has not said anything about how much she is going to pay me. Should i call / txt her & ask or wait and see? My mum said not to do it if she offers me less than £15 for the day? Is that wrong? is it right? .................Help

OP posts:
cjs76 · 20/02/2007 13:31

be careful I had a friend who was looking after my ds 2 days a week £25 a day (she wasnt registered) and let me down at the last minute so had to put ds in his nursery which he went to the other 2 days while I worked and she still expected to be paid - was really my dp's friend now none of us speak to her!!

shosha · 20/02/2007 13:22

Message withdrawn

Ellbell · 20/02/2007 13:19

Vev

I think it applies to people looking after your kids in their own home. (So if they come to your house it's OK.)

ludaloo · 20/02/2007 12:30

Just wondering...some are saying you have to be a registered child minder to look after someone elses child in your own home...does this apply to the grandparents?

Vev · 20/02/2007 12:25

Does this work for babysitters minding kids at night as well? Do they need to be registered CMs?

shosha · 20/02/2007 09:50

Message withdrawn

dmo · 20/02/2007 09:32

you dont have to registar to look after children if you are related to the child so grandparents are fine
i would be wary of takin money off her and not being registared/paying tax if she is so strong minded because if it goes wrong you dont know who she will tell!!!

Ellbell · 20/02/2007 00:34

MM... I'd say that you can do it this week and next, but that you've just found out that it would be illegal to do this as a long-term arrangement, so she'll have to make alternative arrangements after next week. That way you are not letting her down, but neither do you risk getting yourself into trouble. If she's a really good friend and you want her to know that you are there for her, you could also say that she can call on you occasionally if her cm or one of the grandmas is ill. However, I really don't think you can do this as a regular arrangement... Good luck...!

Original poster
MagicalMay · 20/02/2007 00:07

mysonsmummy - yes she would charge me - she would have said from the get go 'i'll do it for £££' where as with me i've been waiting for her to say by the way i'll be giving you £££. I dont know if you've read near the beg of this but i didnt know untill yesterday that she was starting back to work today and was exppecting me to look after DS wednesday. I've been putting off asking about the money for a week now but thought i had more time.
And yes i dont mean to be tight but i do need the money (i am a single mum), they both have v good jobs.
God i need a spine - do u know where i can buy one hehe lol

OP posts:
mysonsmummy · 19/02/2007 23:58

also when you have the child you will take it out with you dd, food, etc etc. i am one of these people who never talks about things like this and then moan about it. my friend talks about these things up front and i wish i could be more like her. so i know exactly what you mean.

she may be get free childcare the rest of the days but you need the money - if you went back to work and she was on benefits would she charge you?? food for thought!

Original poster
MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 23:53

Yeah i know what your saying hunkermunker, but im one of them friends that will do anything for her friends. Now i have had DD and am on benefits i have noticed that i am being take for a mug by a few of my friends. didnt notice before.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 19/02/2007 23:49

I think you're being taken advantage of - and if you can't say things to her, it'll happen more and more. The double buggy is the first of many things if this is going to be a long-term solution for her. I don't see why she can't put him in nursery or with a CM for one day a week, since she's working and getting free childcare the rest of the week.

Original poster
MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 23:47

My mate & her DH want to save money so her mum is looking after Ds 2days a week & his mum is also 2days a week and im 1day a week. Im going to be the only one they will be paying, so they are saving lots

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 23:44

i know it sounds silly - saying it sounds silly but when im face to face i just loose my confidence

OP posts:
mysonsmummy · 19/02/2007 23:44

why doesnt she put him in a nursery? is it about money?

not sure you can just take it cash in hand. you may be able to earn £20 but sure tax must be involved.

make sure you ask her if the child has a bad accident in your care what happens then? with cm you need insurance.

Original poster
MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 23:43

im not good at standing up for myself. I didnt knwo how to ask her and thought it was cheeky cause i'll only be having her son 1 day aweek. It was easier for me to just buy a 2nd hand one

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 19/02/2007 23:41

You bought the double buggy?! I would have bought it if I was asking a friend to have either boy for me!

Original poster
MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 23:38

Oh i think im going to have a sleep and read all this again tomorrow then prob talk to her when she gets in from work.

OP posts:
madamez · 19/02/2007 23:33

This does seem to be one of those laws that gets bent and worked around a lot (not necessarily a bad thing). But maybe you need to have a chat with your mate about the legal aspect to the extent that, if it's all part and parcel of a general give-and-take friendship thing ie she's going to look after your LOs at times as well or she'll walk your dog or redecorate your kitchen or whatever, then that's not any official person's business, but if you're doing it for set hours regularly then either you look into registering (to keep everyone safe and happy) or you agree between you that no money changes hands (but she brings round, for instance, a weekly basket of groceries or allows you use of her car or some such thing).

Clarinet60 · 19/02/2007 23:24

They don't do a lot if you do get reported. My friend (who is a trained nursey teacher, but not a registered childminder) was looking after my kids in this way and someone reported her. The authorities came round to ask her and she told them what she wanted them to know and they bogged off.

Original poster
MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 23:01

She's a real good mate.
I have been looking into getting a small job - Im on Benefits and can earn upto £20 a week without effecting my benefits. This is why she asked me.
On wednesdays im out in the morning and at TinyTots in the afternoon. I've had to buy a double buggy (2nd hand) as i dont drive so will be getting busses everywhere.
I want to help out but it seems to be getting less nice and its not even started yet
Oh and they have enough money.

OP posts:
julienetmum · 19/02/2007 22:34

I agree that this is illegal, you could be liable for a huge fine if you get found out. All it takes is a disgruntled childminder living nearby to notice the arrangment and report you.

Close family members are exempt.

estatebabe · 19/02/2007 21:49

flutterbee - immediate family i.e. grandparents etc can look after kids without being registered, but it means the parents cannot claim the tax benefit from using a registered childminder.

pookey · 19/02/2007 21:40

Its very tricky to get the balance right so you are both getting a fair deal I guess.

J20BABY · 19/02/2007 21:27

Is she a good friend?

i think you should wait and see

i have 2 friends that help me out for childcare, while i work, and i am eternally grateful, also thet know if they ever need me, i will do what i can to help.

isn't that what friendship is about?

if your not that bothered about money, i think £10 would cover expenses wouldn't it?